Midgets Understand Everyone.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Just a small pun in the title to introduce you to this week’s selection of word plays, or puns.

As always….

Enjoy or endure!!

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rofl

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A problem shared

is a problem laughed at.

A problem shared is a problem laughed at

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A lot of people say I am egocentric

– but enough about them

egocentric

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I was named after my father.

I don’t really like the name ‘Dad’ though.

dad

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Three out of four people

make up 75% of the population.

75 percent

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Oh how times have changed.

I used to spend my nights out ogling women.

Now I spend my nights in googling them.

googling

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My friend asked me to

walk down a hill with him.

So I declined.

walk down a hill

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I finally went to the doctor this morning

after years of my knees giving way

whenever I’m in a slow moving queue.

It’s a longstanding problem.

longstanding problem

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What do you call

a Scottish landowner?

Hectare.

Scottish landowner

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Don’t tell anyone I told you this,

but people say that I gossip far too much.

gossip far too much

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My wife has packed her bags and gone

– just because of my fetish with touching pasta.

I’m feeling cannelloni right now.

cannelloni

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It’s hard being a member

of the innuendo society.

the innuendo society mug

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One of the toddlers on the

Intensive Care Unit is playing

with a toy donkey.

ICU baby, shaking that ass.

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First Day Of The Month, First Quiz Of The Month.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to December at the fasab blog.

We are into the last month of the year – where did the other eleven go? should be one of today’s questions perhaps.

But of course it isn’t. Instead you have the usual random selection, a few easy ones and a few quite difficult, with some more that lie between the two extremes.

As usual, if you get stuck, you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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quiz 06

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Q.  1:  How many quarts are there in a gallon?

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Q.  2:  Which element is used to treat indigestion and stomach acidity?

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Q.  3:  We all know that diamonds and precious gems are measured in carats, but one carat is the equivalent of how many milligrams?

            a)  100            b)  200            c)  300            d)  400            e)  500

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Q.  4:  What is the unit used to measure the thickness of silk or nylon?

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Q.  5:  In Physics, mass divided by volume is the formula for what?

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Q.  6:  If you subtracted the number of square yards in an acre from the number of square meters in a hectare, what number would you be left with?

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Q.  7:  You’ve seen them on TV and in the movies, what is the more common name for a ‘Polygraph’?

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Q.  8:  Which is the world’s largest lizard?

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Q.  9:  What does the abbreviation ‘PVC’ stand for?

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Q. 10:  What is the name of the medical oath taken by doctors?

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Q. 11:  From which trees do conkers come?

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Q. 12:  What is a Barracuda?

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Q. 13:  In human Biology what is a unit of inherited material that contains a particular characteristic?

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Q. 14:  A ‘Piebald’ horse consists of which two colors?

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Q. 15:  What is 70% of 70?

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Q. 16:  What is the first month of the year to have 31 days that follows another month of 31 days?

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Q. 17:  In 1884, what was invented by Lewis Waterman?

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Q. 18:  If I was your age ten years before you were born and I’m 50, how old are you?

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Q. 19:  What sits on a ‘dolly’ in a television studio?

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Q. 20:  Stewart Copeland was the drummer with which band?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  How many quarts are there in a gallon?

A.  1:  4.

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Q.  2:  Which element is used to treat indigestion and stomach acidity?

A.  2:  Magnesium.

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Q.  3:  We all know that diamonds and precious gems are measured in carats, but one carat is the equivalent of how many milligrams?

            a)  100            b)  200            c)  300            d)  400            e)  500

A.  3:  The correct answer is b)  200.

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Q.  4:  What is the unit used to measure the thickness of silk or nylon?

A.  4:  Denier.

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Q.  5:  In Physics, mass divided by volume is the formula for what?

A.  5:  Density.

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Q.  6:  If you subtracted the number of square yards in an acre from the number of square meters in a hectare, what number would you be left with?

A.  6:  5,160  (there are 10,000 square meters in a hectare and 4,840 square yards in an acre, so your calculation should be 10,000 – 4840 = 5,160 )

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Q.  7:  You’ve seen them on TV and in the movies, what is the more common name for a ‘Polygraph’?

A.  7:  A lie detector.

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Q.  8:  Which is the world’s largest lizard?

A.  8:  The Komodo Dragon, found in the Indonesian islands of Komodo, Rinca, Flores, Gili Motang, and Padar.

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Q.  9:  What does the abbreviation ‘PVC’ stand for?

A.  9:  Polyvinylchloride.

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Q. 10:  What is the name of the medical oath taken by doctors?

A. 10:  Hippocratic oath.

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Q. 11:  From which trees do conkers come?

A. 11:  Horse Chestnut.

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Q. 12:  What is a Barracuda?

A. 12:  It is the name of the ferocious fish, shaped like a torpedo which is found in warm seas and is closely related to the sea-perch, although you get the point if you just said ‘fish’.

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Q. 13:  In human Biology what is a unit of inherited material that contains a particular characteristic?

A. 13:  A ‘Gene’.

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Q. 14:  A ‘Piebald’ horse consists of which two colors?

A. 14:  Black and White.

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Q. 15:  What is 70% of 70?

A. 15:  49.

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Q. 16:  What is the first month of the year to have 31 days that follows another month of 31 days?

A. 16:  August.

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Q. 17:  In 1884, what was invented by Lewis Waterman?

A. 17:  The Fountain Pen.  Established in 1884 in New York City by Lewis Edson Waterman, the Waterman pen company is still a major manufacturer of luxury fountain pens, in fact it is one of the few remaining first-generation fountain pen companies.

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Q. 18:  If I was your age ten years before you were born and I’m 50, how old are you?

A. 18:  You would be 20.

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Q. 19:  What sits on a ‘dolly’ in a television studio?

A. 19:  A camera.

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Q. 20:  Stewart Copeland was the drummer with which band?

A. 20:  The Police.

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