E-mail Is Post, Modern.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


E-mail is post, modern – get it?

Yes, it’s pun day again.





The poet had written better poems,

but he’d also written verse.




Those who get too big for their britches

will be exposed in the end.

ripped pants



“This must be an aerobics class!”

the blonde worked out at the gym.

step aerobics



When the doctor told him he was missing 

a left ventricle and a left aorta 

the patient laughed half-heartedly.




I’ve got some good advice for the camera shy.

Use coconuts instead.




I like European food so I decided to Russia over there

because I was Hungary. After Czech’ing the menu

I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished

I told the waiter, Spain good,

but there is Norway I could eat another bite




Those who study the moon are optimists

– they look at the bright side.

moon bright dark sides



To learn rope tricks you have to be taut.

rope trick



You know, vultures can make really good comedy actors.

I really loved them in those old “Carrion” movies.




When a skunk walked in, the judge said,

‘odor in the court’.




How does it change many dyslexics to take a light-bulb?




I had an accident in chemistry class yesterday

when I spilled some sodium chloride

and sulphuric acid over myself.

It was terrible.

I didn’t know how to react.

chemistry class



I’ve just gone into the bedroom

and someone’s stolen my bed.


I’m not lying.




My friends tell me that I’m terrible at telling jokes.

I always punch up the mess line.




The phone rings, and the wife answers it.

A pervert, with heavy breathing, says,

“I bet you have a tight ass with no hair.”

Woman replies, “Yes, he’s watching TV – who shall I say is calling?”





Sex While Camping: It’s Intense!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


A little word play, get it? Intense? In tents??

Okay, okay.

Yes, it’s pun day. And they get better (or worse) than that.

So, enjoy!



Today my girlfriend told me on the phone

that we were breaking up.

I went outside and the signal improved.

can u hear me now

Police searching for a missing child heard heavy breathing

coming from a parked van.

But, when they looked,

it was just a kid napping.


Last night I settled down to eat some Ben & Jerry’s with a DVD.

I couldn’t be bothered to wash a spoon.


Pythagoras walks into a bar muttering,
‘If a right-angled triangle has a short side, X,

a long side, Y,

and hypotenuse, Z,

then the square of Z must be equal to

the sum of the square of X and the square of,

erm… uh…’

The barman says, ‘Y, the long face?’

Pythagoras cartoon

My friend asked me:

“What is the shortest race in the Olympics?”

After thinking for a few minutes, I came up with an answer:

“Chinese,” I replied.


My wife was running a temperature so I rang the doctor.

He asked was she hot.

I said, “Well, with a little make-up…”

cartoon wife temperature

I was clinging for dear life to the face of the cliff.

As the rescue team approached one of the guys shouted

“Whatever you do, don’t look down”.

So I started smiling.


My house was repossessed at the weekend

but I don’t blame the bank.

It’s that useless priest not doing

the exorcism properly in the first place.


My wife said we would have less arguments

if I wasn’t so pedantic.



A shop assistant dared to ask me why I needed

twenty pots of White Out this morning.

Big mistake.


I’m thinking about turning rastafarian,

but I’m worried about the stress it will put on my hair…

I’m dreading it.




People call me Mr Compromise.

Wasn’t my first choice for a nickname,

but I can live with it.

Cartoon - Compromise With Me - ALG (600)

I’m only familiar with 25 letters of the alphabet.

I don’t know why.


I needed some milk this morning,

so I went round to my neighbors

and asked them through the window.

“We’re all out,” they replied.

“No you’re not,” I said. “I can hear you in there.”


Every time I pour a round of drinks,

it goes all over the place.

I think I need glasses.

Pour 2

Drinking with a speech impediment

Is a whisky business.


My friend never had the courage to get married,

But he has been engaged quite a few times.

So there’s been quite a few near Mrs.


After I won the local pub quiz last night

two gorgeous blondes came over to me.

The first one said,

“We find intelligent men incredibly hot and sexy.”

The second blonde said,

“Do you know what three way is?”

I replied,

“Yes, it’s the name of the dog in Hart to Hart.”

Dumb blondes will need a better quiz question than that

if they want to get the better of me,

I thought smugly to myself as I left the pub.

Btw, the name’s “Freeway” not “Three way” dummy!

Everything is easier said than done.

Except for talking, that’s about the same.


At any time, the temptation to sing

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

is never more than a whim away.