I’m A Terrible Psychic – I Don’t Know About You.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The clue is always in the title.

Today is Pun Day, so brace yourself for more word play and silly jokes.

Go on, you know you love ‘em.

Enjoy or endure.

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Can you tell me what someone from Corsica is called?

Corsican!

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My mum was getting annoyed because of her job sewing things.

I said, “You seamstressed.”

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“Timmy , your homework assignment was to read War and Peace.

Why haven’t you read it?”

“Sorry Miss. It’s a long story.”

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There was this group on Facebook called

‘Help the children in Africa who are suffering from the heat’.

So I became a fan.

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I invested $1000 in some American shares…..

It made a lot of cents.

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I was on a cruise ship which had both sides labeled as starboard.

Something wasn’t right.

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Don’t bother entering the Repairman Of The Year Award

– it’s fixed

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I fell out of a 600 story building and lived.

It was a library.

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Everyone who tastes my homemade wine says it tastes horrible.

I think it’s just sour grapes.

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What do you have

if you have a cricket ball in one hand

and a cricket ball in the other?

A really big cricket!

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I got myself a new toy – it’s a laminator.

Basically, it’s a machine that kills baby sheep.

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My girlfriend left me the other day.

Accordion to her I make tune many musical puns.

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A guy walks into the psychiatrist

wearing only shorts made from Bubble wrap.

The psychiatrist says,

“Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”

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What’s the fastest way to get stoned?

Be a woman in Iran.

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“The total cost would be £3000,” said the funeral director.

“That includes digging the grave.”

“Is that the whole thing?” I asked.

He replied, “Yes, that’s the hole thing.”

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Another Twenty Challenging Questions – Yes It’s Quiz Day!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another start to the week and another twenty challenging questions in our latest quiz.

Easy, difficult and few “curve balls” in this lot, so see how well you do.

As usual the answers are given waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below.

But NO cheating please!

Enjoy.

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Q   1:  In Italy who or what is known as “Topolino”?

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Q   2:  How many men in total have landed on and explored the Moon?

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Q   3:  How many women in total have landed on and explored the Moon?

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Q   4:  In their natural habitats, what percentage of penguins live south of the equator?

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Q   5:  In what book of The Bible is God not mentioned?

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Q   6:  What do they call a “French kiss” in France?

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Q   7:  What is the longest English word without a vowel?

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Q   8:  What is the driest state in the U.S.?

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Q   9:  A group of toads is called a what?

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Q  10:  The first toilet ever seen on television was on what show?

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Q  11:  How many of the 44 US Presidents has worn glasses?

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Q  12:  Can you think of a word that is pronounced differently by merely capitalizing the first letter?

There are several, a point for each.

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Q  13:  What word describes a woman who does not have all her fingers on one hand?

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Q  14:  At various times throughout history known as the “President’s Palace,” the “President’s House,” and the “Executive Mansion”, what US President officially gave the White House its current name in 1901?

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Q  15:  What is the only capital letter in the Roman alphabet (the one we use) with exactly one end point?

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Q  16:  What US state’s motto is “Wisdom, Justice and Moderation.”

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Q  17:  What TV comedy series character’s catchphrase was “I’m listening”?

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Q  18:  In what country do people generally answer the phone by saying, “I’m listening”.

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Q  19:  What is light as a feather, but even the strongest man cannot hold it more than a few minutes?

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Q  20:  How can you make seven even?

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ANSWERS

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Q   1:  In Italy who or what is known as “Topolino”?

A   1:  Mickey Mouse is known as “Topolino” in Italy

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Q   2:  How many men in total have landed on and explored the Moon?

A   2:  Twelve men have landed on and explored the moon

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Q   3:  How many women in total have landed on and explored the Moon?

A   3:  Zero, no women have landed on and explored the moon

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Q   4:  In their natural habitats, what percentage of penguins live south of the equator?

A   4:  100%. All penguins live south of the equator

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Q   5:  In what book of The Bible is God not mentioned?

A   5:  The book of Esther.

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Q   6:  What do they call a “French kiss” in France?

A   6:  An “English Kiss”.

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Q   7:  What is the longest English word without a vowel?

A   7:  “Rhythm”

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Q   8:  What is the driest state in the U.S.?

A   8:  Nevada. Each year it averages 7.5 inches (19 cm) of rain.

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Q   9:  A group of toads is called a what?

A   9:  A knot.

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Q  10:  The first toilet ever seen on television was on what show?

A  10:  “Leave It to Beaver.”

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Q  11:  How many of the 44 US Presidents has worn glasses?

A  11:  Every US president has worn glasses (just not always in public).

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Q  12:  Can you think of a word that is pronounced differently by merely capitalizing the first letter?

There are several, a point for each.

A  12:  Here are some examples, there could be others

1. job  and  Job

2. herb  and  Herb

3. polish  and  Polish

and there could be more, so well done if you thought of others.

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Q  13:  What word describes a woman who does not have all her fingers on one hand?

A  13:  “Normal”. Normal people do not have ‘all’ their fingers on ‘one’ hand.

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Q  14:  At various times throughout history known as the “President’s Palace,” the “President’s House,” and the “Executive Mansion”, what US President officially gave the White House its current name in 1901?

A  14:  Theodore Roosevelt

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Q  15:  What is the only capital letter in the Roman alphabet (the one we use) with exactly one end point?

A  15:  The only capital letter in the Roman alphabet with exactly one end point is P.

Check out the others if you want, A(2), B (0), C (2), D (0), E (3), F (3), G (2), H (4), I (2), J (2), K (4), L (2), M (2), N (2), O (0), Q (2), R (2), S (2), T (3), U (2), V (2), W (2), X (4), Y (3), Z (2).  

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Q  16:  What US state’s motto is “Wisdom, Justice and Moderation.”

A  16:  The state motto of Georgia is “Wisdom, Justice and Moderation.”

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Q  17:  What TV comedy series character’s catchphrase was “I’m listening”?

A  17:  Frasier Crane played by the ever excellent Kelsey Grammar.

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Q  18:  In what country do people generally answer the phone by saying, “I’m listening”.

A  18:  Russians generally answer the phone by saying, “I’m listening”.

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Q  19:  What is light as a feather, but even the strongest man cannot hold it more than a few minutes?

A  19:  His breath.

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Q  20:  How can you make seven even?

A  20:  Just take away the “s”, duhhhh!

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Not so easy. Hope you did okay!

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Did You Know? More From The Strange Fact File

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Here is another very random selection of strange facts from fasab’s files.

As with other in this series, by the time you have read these you will know more than you did and possible more than you want to.

But have a look anyway.

Enjoy.

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The adult electric eel can produce a five hundred volt shock,

which is enough to stun a horse

– and I don’t mean a seahorse!

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As an iceberg melts, it makes a fizzing sound
because of the compressed air bubbles popping in the ice

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Kermit the frog delivered the commencement address

at Southampton College located in the state of New York in 1996

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The mythical Scottish town of Brigadoon

appears for one day every one hundred years

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A rainbow can occur only when the sun

is 40 degrees or less above the horizon

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The most common injury caused by cosmetics

is to the eye by a mascara wand

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The sound made by the toadfish when mating underwater

is so loud that it can be heard by humans on the shore

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In America, approximately 20% of children between

the ages of 2 – 7 have televisions in their rooms

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Families who do turn off the television during meals tend to eat healthier.

This was regardless of family income, or education

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Two out of five people end up marrying their first love

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Forty-one percent of women apply body and

hand moisturizer at least three times a day

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Scientists have determined that having guilty feelings

may actually damage your immune system

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The first box of Crayola that was ever sold

had the same eight colours that are sold in the box today

consisting of red, blue, yellow, green, violet, orange, black and brown.

The box was sold for a nickel in 1903

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The best time for a person to buy shoes is in the afternoon.

This is because the foot tends to swell a bit around this time

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According to psychologists, the shoe and the foot

are the most common sources of sexual fetishism in Western society

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Bank robber John Dillinger played professional baseball

John Dillinger top left

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The first company to mass produce teddy bears was the Ideal Toy Company

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Flight pioneer and pilot, Orville Wright,

was involved in the first aircraft accident.

His passenger was killed.

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The mother of famous astronomer Johannes Kepler

was accused of being a witch

Johannes Kepler 1610

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In the past 60 years, the groundhog has only predicted

the weather correctly 28% of the time.

The rushing back and forth from burrows

is believed to indicate sexual activity, not shadow seeking

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Yesterday It Was The Answers That Were The Problem, Today It’s The Questions

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yesterday it was the answers that were the problem. Today it is the questions. Here is another selection of those important questions that very few seem to want to ask.

Enjoy.

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Why do overalls have belt loops, since they are held up at the top by the straps?

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Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

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Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

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Why people are so scared of mice, which are much smaller than us, when no one seems to be scared of Micky Mouse, who is bigger than us?

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How come we never hear about gruntled employees?

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Why are plastic bears the only animal you can get honey from? Why can’t you get honey from a plastic bee?

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What happens when you put hand sanitizer on a place other than your hand?

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Can you “stare off into space” when you’re in space?

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Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

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If there were a thousand seaguls in an airplane while its flying, each weighing two pounds a piece, but they were all flying in the airplane, would the airplane weigh 2000 pounds more?

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If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?

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If a food processor slices and dices food, what does a word processor do?

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Why isn’t there mouse flavored cat food?

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If a hen and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?

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If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?

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If a mirror reverses right and left, why doesn’t it reverse up and down?

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If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

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I Can Hardly Believe it, They’re Getting Dumber – More Quiz Show Answers

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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What I said in the title of today’s selection of quiz show answers is very true. They are getting dumber!

Another thing that we can establish beyond reasonable doubt is that stupid people should not be allowed near bicycles.

Here’s this week’s lot, you’ll see what I mean.

Enjoy.  

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Q: In books that are written in English, each line is printed and read starting at which side of the page?     

A: The right      

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Q: The song by Elvis that on its reissue in 2005 became the 1000th number one single in UK chart history is entitled “One…” what?   

A: A Little Less Conversation     

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Q: In solid geometry, What H is the name given to half a sphere?            

A: Half a circle  

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Q: Which iconic cartoon family made their film debut in 2007, 20 years after their show was first broadcast on American television?        

A: The Osbournes

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Q: How many wheels does a unicycle have?       

A: Two 

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Q: In medicine, the phrase “contagious disease” literally means an illness that is spread by which of the five senses?        

A: Sight.          

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Q: In science, what was the surname of the German physicist who is credited with the invention of the mercury thermometer?            

A: Mercury       

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Q: In slang, which three-letter word precedes “shop” to make a rhyming term for a police station? 

A: Nick

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Q: The role of the plump teenager Tracy Turnblad, played by Nikki Blonsky in the 2007 film “Hairspray,” was played in the 1988 original by Ricki who?        

A: Tomlinson

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Q:  Name the funny men who once entertained kings and queens at court. 

A:  Lepers.

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Q:  Which French Mediterranean town hosts a famous film festival every year? 

A:  I don’t know, I need a clue.

Q.:  OK. What do beans come in?

A:  Cartons?

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Q:  Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World? 

A:  I don’t know.

 

Q:  I’ll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?

A:  Arm.

 

Q:  Correct. And if you’re not weak, you’re . . .?

A:  Strong.

 

Q:  Correct – and what was Lord Mountbatten’s first name?

A:  Louis.

 

Q:  Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful

World?

A:  Frank Sinatra?

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Q:  What is the capital of Italy? 

A:  France.

 

Q:  France is another country. Try again.

A:  Oh, um, Benidorm.

 

Q:  Wrong, sorry, let’s try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?

A:  Sorry, I don’t know.

 

Q:  Just guess a country then.

A:  Paris.

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Q:  What is another name for ‘cherrypickers’ and ‘cheesemongers’? 

A:  Homosexuals. 

Q:  No. They’re regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

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Q:  Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: prison, or the Conservative Party? 

A:  The Conservative Party.

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Q: How many wheels are there on a unicycle? 

A:  Three.

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Q:  In traffic, what ‘J’ is where two roads meet?

A:  Jool carriageway

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Q:  How many metres are there in a kilometre? 

A:  Three.

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Q:  How many wheels does a tricycle have? 

A:  Two.

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Q:  What was Gandhi’s first name?

A:  Goosey, goosey

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