E-mail Is Post, Modern.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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E-mail is post, modern – get it?

Yes, it’s pun day again.

Enjoy!

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The poet had written better poems,

but he’d also written verse.

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Those who get too big for their britches

will be exposed in the end.

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“This must be an aerobics class!”

the blonde worked out at the gym.

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When the doctor told him he was missing 

a left ventricle and a left aorta 

the patient laughed half-heartedly.

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I’ve got some good advice for the camera shy.

Use coconuts instead.

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I like European food so I decided to Russia over there

because I was Hungary. After Czech’ing the menu

I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished

I told the waiter, Spain good,

but there is Norway I could eat another bite

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Those who study the moon are optimists

– they look at the bright side.

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To learn rope tricks you have to be taut.

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You know, vultures can make really good comedy actors.

I really loved them in those old “Carrion” movies.

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When a skunk walked in, the judge said,

‘odor in the court’.

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How does it change many dyslexics to take a light-bulb?

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I had an accident in chemistry class yesterday

when I spilled some sodium chloride

and sulphuric acid over myself.

It was terrible.

I didn’t know how to react.

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I’ve just gone into the bedroom

and someone’s stolen my bed.

Honestly.

I’m not lying.

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My friends tell me that I’m terrible at telling jokes.

I always punch up the mess line.

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The phone rings, and the wife answers it.

A pervert, with heavy breathing, says,

“I bet you have a tight ass with no hair.”

Woman replies, “Yes, he’s watching TV – who shall I say is calling?”

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The Primary Responsibility For A Child’s Education Is Apparent.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, that’s right, The primary responsibility for a child’s education is apparent.

But everyone’s education would not be complete without a healthy dose of puns.

Always here to help, here’s today’s selection.

Enjoy!

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I went into a fancy dress shop and asked the woman

working there if they had any ghost costumes.

She said “We don’t sell those, I’m afraid.”

Stupid woman. They’re not that scary.

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ABC NEWS:

French Chef commits suicide after critic’s attack.

After further investigation it turns out

he simply lost the huile d’olive.

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I went to a really posh school.

In fact, the school was so posh that the Gym was called James.

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I have a friend who’s half Indian.

Ian.

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Cleavage is the only thing that you can look down on

and approve of at the same time.

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My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday because of my obsession.

She said, “I’m sick of it. You actually believe that you’re a Transformer.

It’s stupid. I’ve had enough and I’m leaving you.”

I said, “But, Baby, I can change.”

She said, “There you go again!”

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I put a couple of ‘t’s in my beer last night.

I think it made it better.

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Shouldn’t the Air and Space museum be empty?

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I put a wooden desk and a blackboard in my bedroom.

You know, to make it more classy.

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I was only young when I learned to count.

It was odd at first, even then.

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In a cave, I found pictures of women’s breasts,

but when I picked them up, a giant net fell on me.

Damn booby trap.

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I make £1,000,000 a month cleaning Windows.

I invented Norton Anti-virus.

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My parents gave me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday yesterday.

I couldn’t find the words to thank them.

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I never let my children watch big band performances on TV.

Too much sax and violins.

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There’s one thing I can’t stand when I’m drunk.

Up!

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Einstein eventually developed a theory about space.

And it was about time too.

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I’m so broke at the moment that all I can

afford to eat are herbs my mate has lent me.

I’m living on borrowed thyme.

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I’ve just seen a group on Facebook called, ‘I hate feet’.

Obviously these people are fans of the metric system.

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Talking to her about computer hardware,

makes my mother board.

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My wife has packed her bags and gone –

just because of my fetish with touching pasta.

I’m feeling cannelloni right now.

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CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only, Part Thirteen!!!!!!!!!!!!!

german Shepherd, puppy, puppies, “Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Today Part Thirteen of our look at the Classified Ads that turned out a little bit differently than originally planned.

Verification in print that stupidity is alive and well.

Enjoy!

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Been To The Gym Lately?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

I’m not a member of a gym and no doubt it shows. But although they might have benefits health and fitness wise they are a colossal waste of both money and time. Most people who have gym memberships are either idiots or social climbing idiots. A big statement that I’m sure does not apply to everybody but a big statement that everybody can apply to someone they know. Think about that.

Ever met the woman who has to employ someone to look after her children and clean her house because she hasn’t got the time because she has to go to the gym? If she did look after the kids and give them a bit of quality time and did the housework as well she would get just as much cardio vascular and muscular workout as she’ll ever get at the gym. And her family would be the better for it.

But shallow people like that think that being able to say to their friends I was at the gym last night is a lot more glamorous than saying I was playing with the kids or cleaning the house.

Men are just as bad, maybe sometimes even a bit worse and sadly a good part of it is vanity as in how they’ll look to other men, not women! Woah!

Invariably the gym thing all just a fad and eventually you stop going and your membership lapses.

That is, of course, unless you happen to be an idiot and live in Florida.

You see, a few years ago, this guy in Florida, decided to join a gym. In his own words he said the he thought, “the ridiculous membership fees and that ludicrous up front joining fee would make me workout so I wouldn’t waste the money.”

But it didn’t work out. Within weeks, like most everybody, he was coming up with all sorts of lame pathetic excuses not to go.

Now, if you are a reasonably normal person what happens next is that you stop going to the gym and you let your membership lapse. End of story.

If you are a moron, however, you decide that if money wouldn’t promote you to keep going to the gym, losing your life probably would. But this genius wasn’t talking about the fear of becoming unfit and getting a heart attack or something.

No siree, far to easy.

In an attempt to force himself into a healthy routine of exercise, this Florida dude hired a hit man to kill him if he failed to show up to any of his three weekly workouts for the next five years.

You have to hand it to him that the plan worked extremely well, maybe too well at times. Again in his own words, “There were some times that I truly would have preferred not to go, like that time I had bronchial asthmatic pneumonia. I’ve never had so much dark green mucus running down my face in my life, you should have seen that treadmill afterwards.”

Like most idiots do, he has tried to justify his moronic decision. “With all its ups and downs,” he says, “my only complaint lately is that what I originally thought were expensive gym fees have been over shadowed by the high cost of the hit man.”  

I don’t know whether this is going on or if the five years are already up, or even if this idiot was stupid enough to renew the ‘contract’ on himself.

But if you live in Florida and you know a guy who has been to the gym three times a week EVERY week for the past five years, do him a favor and don’t stick your hand in your inside jacket pocket as you walk up to him.

Now a couple of funny vids.

Enjoy!