Famous Last Words Of An Idiot – “I Have A Plan…”

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Many stupid crimes happen every day. And most of them are committed by stupid criminals.

Unfortunately most of the stories we never get to hear about, but occasionally we do.

Like this one, which must rank as one of the dumbest ever!

It happened in a place called Mullins, SC. The perpetrator, or would-be perpetrator, was a ‘genius’ called Laquain Deshawn Guy and he had the idea that he would rob an Arby’s fast food restaurant.

Arby's logo

Lots of cash in there, he thought, not considering that most of the takings would be banked at the end of business.

That was his first mistake.

His second was failing to break into the restaurant using either a back door or a window.

No, this genius had a better idea.

He thought he would climb on to the roof of the building and gain entrance through the ventilation shaft. That is the story told by Captain Joe Graham with the Mullins police and I see no reason at all to doubt him.

The main reason being that criminal mastermind Laquain Deshawn Guy found to his surprise that he didn’t fit the ventilation shaft – and promptly wedged himself in there just as tight as he could.

The more he struggled the worse it got.

Man, was he stuck!

And he remained stuck for the next ten hours, until an Arby’s employee was opening the business Tuesday morning and he heard “noises”. I like to think that the noises were the farts being squeezed out of him as he got wedged in tighter and tighter, but nobody will confirm this.

The employee immediately called the police and that’s when they realized that the strange noises were coming from the very stuck Laquain still wedged inside the shaft.

Mullins Fire and Rescue eventually freed the idiot by cutting the ventilation pipe and pulling him through the roof, where he emerged dehydrated and with some muscle damage.

Crews then lowered him down and onto a stretcher and took him to hospital where he spent a few days before facing charges of Burglary Second Degree.

What a moron!

Fire and Ambulance Rescue trucks outside the Arby's restaurant where Laquaine got himself stuck in the ventilation shaft

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Oh No! Not Again!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The Sunday Sermon.

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If you have read any of my previous entries in the politics section of this blog you will already be aware of my extremely low opinion of the intelligence of those in America who are in charge of foreign policy.

These idiots blunder about knowing little of history or tradition in other nations and make quick reaction judgments that are short sighted and that have continually come back to bite them on the ass.

Well, not them exactly, but the poor servicemen and women who are sent in to mop up their messes.

So what has got me ranting this time?

Only the fact that the morons in charge are currently negotiating what is being called ‘a groundbreaking agreement’ that will give American nuclear know-how to the country where Osama Bin Laden and the vast majority of the 9/11 terrorists came from.

Yes, Saudi Arabia.

Coat_of_arms_of_Saudi_Arabia

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The short-sighted US strategy is probably to assist an ally (an oil rich one, of course) to make it an unconquerable target for any of the other states in the area who have expansionist plans for the future.

Great – while the Saud family stay in control, or while a sensible member of the Saud family is in charge.

But what happens if, sometime down the road, the ruling dynasty is overthrown? Not an unknown occurrence in the Middle East. Or what happens if one day there is the equivalent of an ‘Osama’ in the Saud family just as there was in the Bin Laden family?

And what happened to all those non proliferation agreements designed to keep dangerous weapons out of the hands of those incapable of handling them sensibly?

The last thing the Middle East needs is yet another country developing nuclear weapons capability. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out.

If the consequences were not so potentially tragic, it would be fun watching the political morons in Washington justifying going to war to take nuclear capability away from Iran, which at least holds democratic elections, yet at the same time giving nuclear capability to Saudi Arabia which is an undemocratic dictatorship.

Not even the most devout liberal could spin that one to make it sound good!

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Mushroom-Cloud

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If It’s Monday It Must Be Quiz Day!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another chance to pit your wits against the fasab quiz archives with another random set of twenty questions.

Although there are one or two very easy ones, I think quite a lot of them are difficult this time, but here’s your chance to prove me wrong.

As always the answers are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below – but NO cheating.

Enjoy and good luck!

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quiz 10

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Q.  1: What does the http:// in web URLs stand for?

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Q.  2:  What is the hood ornament on a Rolls Royce called?

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Q.  3:  Which former president of the United States, in his college days, worked as a male model, and even appeared on the cover of Cosmopolitan?

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Q.  4:  In what country would you find the strangely named lakes “Titicaca” and “Poopo”?

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Q.  5:  Sleeping through the winter is called “hibernation,” but what is the word that describes sleeping through hot and dry periods like summer?

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Q.  6:  Members of the band “ZZ Top” are famous for their beards, but what was the surname of the only member who hadn’t got one?

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Q.  7:  In 1918 the so-called “Spanish Flu” spread around the world killing tens of millions of people, but where did the outbreak start?

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Q.  8:  Who was the only U.S. president never to sign a bill into law?

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Q.  9:  On which continent are the 50 tallest mountains on Earth are all located? (This is easy if you think about it)

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Q. 10:  Which world famous company’s name means “three oceans” in Japanese because the company’s founder wanted to sell his wares across the Indian, Atlantic, and Pacific oceans?

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Q. 11:  How old was Albert Einstein, a genius if ever there was one, when he learned how to drive?

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Q. 12:  What was the first ever registered domain name?

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Q. 13:  What city is America’s skyscraper capital?

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Q. 14:  Earlier this month the United States celebrated its birthday, but what is the only other country in the world to celebrate its birthday on July 4th?

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Q. 15:  Who is O’Hare International Airport in Chicago, Illinois named after?

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Q. 16:  The citizens of which country eat more donuts per capita than any other?

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Q. 17:  What European country is the world’s leading exporter of false teeth?

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Q. 18:  At more than 3.3 million square miles, what is the name of the world’s largest hot desert?

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Q. 19:  We have all seen a Snellen Chart, but what is it?

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Q. 20:  Possibly some of you have said “!#@%” when faced with a difficult question in this test, but what is the name for symbols such as “!#@%” that are used to indicate swearing in comic strips?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1: What does the http:// in web URLs stand for?

A.  1:  The http:// in web URLs stands for “Hyper Text Transfer Protocol.”

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Q.  2:  What is the hood ornament on a Rolls Royce called?

A.  2:  The Spirit of Ecstasy.

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Q.  3:  Which former president of the United States in his college days, worked as a male model, and even appeared on the cover of Cosmopolitan?

A.  3:  Former president Gerald Ford wasn’t always gray-haired and paunchy — in his college days, he worked as a male model, and even appeared on the cover of Cosmopolitan.

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Q.  4:  In what country would you find the strangely named lakes “Titicaca” and “Poopo”?

A.  4:  In Bolivia, South America.

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Q.  5:  Sleeping through the winter is called “hibernation,” but what is the word that describes sleeping through hot and dry periods like summer?

A.  5:  Sleeping through hot and dry periods like summer is called “estivation.”

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Q.  6:  Members of the band “ZZ Top” are famous for their beards, but what was the surname of the only member who hadn’t got one?

A.  6:  Ironically, the only member of ZZ Top without a beard has the last name Beard.

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Q.  7:  In 1918 the so-called “Spanish Flu” spread around the world killing tens of millions of people, but where did the outbreak start?

A.  7:  The so-called “Spanish Flu” of 1918 started at a military camp in Kansas before spreading around the world and killing millions.

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Q.  8:  Who was the only U.S. president never to sign a bill into law?

A.  8:  William Henry Harrison was the only U.S. president never to sign a bill into law — he died before having the opportunity.

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Q.  9:  On which continent are the 50 tallest mountains on Earth are all located? (This is easy if you think about it)

A.  9:  Mount Everest, the tallest mountain on Earth is located in the Himalayas in Asia so since it has to be one of the 50 tallest mountains on Earth, they all have to be located in Asia.

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Q. 10:  Which world famous company’s name means “three oceans” in Japanese because the company’s founder wanted to sell his wares across the Indian, Atlantic, and Pacific oceans?

A. 10:  Sanyo means “three oceans” in Japanese.

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Q. 11:  How old was Albert Einstein, a genius if ever there was one, when he learned how to drive?

A. 11:  Albert Einstein never learned how to drive.

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Q. 12:  What was the first ever registered domain name?

A. 12:  The first registered domain name was symbolics.com. It was registered on March 15th, 1985.

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Q. 13:  What city is America’s skyscraper capital?

A. 13:  Chicago is America’s skyscraper capital. The city has more 1,000-foot tall buildings than any other U.S. city.

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Q. 14:  Earlier this month the United States celebrated its birthday, but what is the only other country in the world to celebrate its birthday on July 4th?

A. 14:  The only other country in the world to celebrate the United States’ birthday, July 4th, is Denmark.

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Q. 15:  Who is O’Hare International Airport in Chicago, Illinois named after?

A. 15:  O’Hare International Airport in Chicago, Illinois is named after Al Capone’s lawyer’s son, Lt. Cmdr. Butch O’Hare.

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Q. 16:  The citizens of which country eat more donuts per capita than any other?

A. 16:  Canadians eat more donuts per capita than any other country.

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Q. 17:  What European country is the world’s leading exporter of false teeth?

A. 17:  Liechtenstein is the world’s leading exporter of false teeth.

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Q. 18:  At more than 3.3 million square miles, what is the name of the world’s largest hot desert?

A. 18:  At more than 3.3 million square miles, the Sahara Desert is as large as the world’s next 20 largest hot deserts combined.

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Q. 19:  We have all seen a Snellen Chart, but what is it?

A. 19:  The eye test chart with the big ‘E’ on top is known as the Snellen Chart.

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Q. 20:  Possibly some of you have said “!#@%” when faced with a difficult question in this test, but what is the name for symbols such as “!#@%” that are used to indicate swearing in comic strips?

A. 20:  Symbols such as “!#@%” that are used to indicate swearing in comic strips are called grawlix.

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