I Used To Be Quite Good At Wordplay. Once A Pun A Time!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


Once a pun a time there was a blog that championed that element of humor called word play. You are about to read the latest batch of these puns right now.

So all that remains to be said is, enjoy!



I walked into the boss’s office and handed him a pear.

“What’s this for?” He asked.

“A pay rise.” I replied.

“My wife told me to grow it first and then ask you.”




The other day a friend of mine hit me with a chocolate bar.

How dairy!




HMV to close sixty stores.

Is this the Vinyl Countdown?




I won £10,000 on a scratchcard last week and the wife said

we should draw up a list of what to spend it on.

“Well, I’m going to book a holiday for one.”

“Oh goody” she screamed excitedly, “I can’t wait!”

Can’t help thinking she’s misunderstood what I said.




I was reading through the ingredients for

a fruit salad I’m making today and it said:

“Pineapples: five cubed.”

I’m not sure though,

125 will probably be too many.

5 cubed



My friend has no hands.

I feel for him.

no hands



When I was young, my mum always used to hit me with the telephone.

I was always on the receiving end…..




My calculator is missing the minus button,

but on the plus side, it still works.




A gay guy asked me if I liked to blow people.

I told him I’m not a fan.




I just hired a really uncomfortable car.

It Hertz like hell.




I said to my friend, “I just watched that film about the Nazis.”

He said, “Oh what, the one with Adolf in?”

I said, “No mate, you’re thinking of ‘Flipper’, this was just about the Nazis.”




I went house hunting at the weekend.

I went to see one house that had mirrors all over the walls.

I thought, “I can see myself living here.”

mirror walls



I told my Chinese friend that I bought very cheap cigarettes

that were shipped in from a foreign country.

He said, “Is that Regal?”

regal cigarettes



Why shouldn’t you buy Ukrainian underpants?

Because Chernobyl fallout.




I was walking into my local pub,

when I suddenly realized it was darts night.

So I did a 180 and left.

darts 180



Our Brazilian housekeeper is rubbish at making the beds.

She’s very tidy downstairs though.            




There was an unbelievably close finish

in this years “Shemale of the year” contest.

It was a Thai.        




Everyone can put on their curriculum vitae

that they know a little Latin.

logo CV



I’ve got a fear of two-letter words.

I get scared just thinking about it.




I turned to my wife last night and said,

“I’m into anal”.

She gave me a look of despair and glared at me as she said,


I love it when we do the cryptic crossword together.

cryptic crossword




Do You Have To Fail A Test To Get On These Programs?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


Another round of answers given by less than smart contestants on television and radio quiz shows.

It all makes me wonder what test do you have to do to get on these shows?

And does passing rule you out of taking part in the programs?




Q: Name a city in Arizona          

A: Tampa Bay

Q: Someone, living or dead, many people hate  

A: Rodney Dangerfield   

Q: Name a foreign country that you would want to visit  

A: Pakistan

Q: Name a holiday named after a person           

A: January

A: Easter

Q: The perfect dessert for a supermodel           

A: Chocolate Cake

A: Brownies      

Q: The most famous Disney character, other than Mickey Mouse

A: The road runner

Q: Name a city that begins with “San”    

A: Seattle

Q: An occupation requiring a college degree      

A: Vice president          

Q: An animal that starts with “D,” besides “dog”

A: Dragon

A: Dachshund   

Q: Name something people buy to impress other people           

A: Motorhome   

Q: The most enjoyable award show on television           

A ……….Family Feud (She heard “game show”)  

Q: Name a country in Africa      

A: South America

Q: Name something people drink when they have a cold

A: Vick’s

Q: Name a city named after a president 

A: Carson City  

Q: Name a man’s “best friend”  

A: Rubies



And then I found this. Sorry!

Expect The Worst, It’s Quiz Show Answers Monday!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


Another foray into the hidden shallows of the human mind as shown by the answers some hapless contestants have given on television and radio quiz shows.

Marvel at the stupidity.

And enjoy!



Q: Name something you might buy that could turn out to be phony        

A: A Horse

panto horse



Q: Name something that dries up as it gets old  

A: Water

dry water.


Q: The one thing that the people living near you have that you want        

A: A beautiful wife

neighborhood watch.


Q: Name something most women wouldn’t be caught leaving the house without  

A: A Tampon



Q: Name a body part that gets bigger as people get older         

A: Penis



Q: Name a foreign country people vacation in where it would be easy to pack on 10 pounds.      

A: Paris

french fries.


Q: Which one of the seven dwarfs you most often feel like        

A: Weepy

A: Drowsy

A: Grouchy

The Seven Dwarfs.


Q: Name a question you hate when people ask it to you 

A: “Are those real?”

Are Those Real?.


Q: The hardest position to play on a baseball team        

A: Quarterback



Q: Name a city in the state of Georgia   

A: Alabama



Q: An excuse you use when stopped for speeding        

A: “I was drinking”



Q: Name something newlyweds share    

A: Underwear    

his n hers underwear.


Q: Name something you would buy in a stationery store 

A: Water

stationery store1111

Q: Name a question that a gentleman would never ask a lady on a first date       

A: “What color underwear do you wear?”

first date.


Q: Name a fruit beginning with the letter A         

A: Orange