Sign Language Is Very Handy.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I would sign at you that this is Pun Day, but what would be the point you can’t see me.

Instead I’ll just keep quiet and let you get on with reading this latest selection of word plays.

As always….

Enjoy or endure!!

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Sign Language Is Very Handy.

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If anyone ever tells you they’ve lost their voice,

They’re lying.

lost voice

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I experimented with drugs while I was in university.

I’m now a fully qualified pharmaceutical engineer.

pharmaceutical engineer

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The most common surname in China is Chang,

correct me if you think that’s Wong.

Wong

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I bet the bloke who threw the first boomerang

didn’t see that coming.

boomerang

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All my friends hate using cliche phrases.

Even Steven.

cliche

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Want to keep the doctor away?

There’s an apple for that.

apple

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I’ve just been given two weeks to live.

The wife’s gone away for a fortnight.

two weeks

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Eleventeen percent of people

make up words.

make up words

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I’ve never been told

I am a bad listener.

bad listener

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My football team is sponsored by Apple.

So now there is an ‘I’ in team.

'I' in team

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If I had a crystal ball

I’d sit down very carefully

crystal ball

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Finally for today,

here’s a bit of advice for you.

Advi.

Advi

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Did You Know? – I Bet You Didn’t.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hello folks. Thanks for stopping by.

Here are today’s factoid offerings.

Hope you enjoy.

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did you know1

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You can’t breathe and swallow at the same time.

breathe and swallow at the same time

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There are more ways to shuffle a deck of cards

than there are atoms on Earth.

two-hands-shuffling-a-deck-of-cards-in-a-casino

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Africa is bigger than the United States, China, India, Spain, France,

and several other countries combined.

Africa

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Norway once knighted a penguin.

a penguin

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You can get a rough estimate of the temperature by

counting the number of times a cricket chirps in 13 seconds,

then adding 40.

cricket chirp and temperature

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It’s impossible to hum while holding your nose.

hum while holding your nose

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Quarantine comes from the French “qarante” for 40.

Whenever a ship arriving in port was suspected of being infected

it had to forego contact with the shore for a period of about 40 days.

Quarantine

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On average, astronauts are two inches taller in space.

astronauts-fingernails-hands-shuttle

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Ohio is the only U.S. state that doesn’t share

any letters with the word “mackerel.”

(I have no idea who figured that one out,

but they clearly had too much free time on their hands!)

mackerel

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Wombat poop is square.

(Ouch!!!)

Wombat Poo

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There is enough iron in your body to make a 2-inch nail.

a 2-inch nail

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The “S” in Harry S. Truman’s full name doesn’t stand for anything.

His parents couldn’t decide on a middle name for over a month,

so they settled on the letter “S” in honor of his maternal grandfather, Solomon Young,

and his paternal grandfather, Anderson Shipp Truman.

Harry S. Truman

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The girlfriend of the guy who founded Match.com

left him for a man she met on Match.com.

(So that’s why he did it!)

man who founded Match.com

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George Washington was 48 years old

when Beethoven was born.

George Washington

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The British music group ‘Simply Red’

is named because of its love for the football team,

Manchester United, who have a red home strip.

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Okay, so who tried to hum while holding their nose, come on?

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Did You Know? – Today Is Fact Day.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes it’s fact day at the fasab blog, and that means another totally random selection of facts that – not only you never knew – but facts that you never knew you never knew.

Here they are.

Enjoy

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did you know2

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Saturn’s rings are only between

30 and 300 feet thick.

saturn

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Napoleon was once attacked by rabbits.
(I bet they were English!)

napoleon

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The Constitution of the Confederate States

of America banned the slave trade.

constitution-confed

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When the American Civil War started,

Confederate Robert E. Lee owned no slaves,

but Union general U.S. Grant did.

Robert E. Lee

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The Siberian rift lake, Lake Baikal,

is not only the deepest lake on Earth

but it also has the largest volume containing

roughly 20% of the Earth’s surface fresh water.

Lake Baikal

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Officially, the longest war in history was between

the Netherlands and the Isles of Scilly.

It lasted from 1651 to 1986.

There were no casualties.

worlds+longest+war

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Neil Armstrong went through U.S. customs

in Honolulu, Hawaii,

on the way back from the moon.

neil armstrong customs

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The original Tron movie did not win an Academy Award

for best special effects because the judges said

they cheated by using computers.

Tron movie

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70% of murders in Detroit go unsolved.

crime scene

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Sorry guys, but Trojan Magnum condoms

are designed for most men to fit into

so that most purchases include an ego boost.

trojan-magnum-condoms

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Karl Marx was once a correspondent

for the New York Daily Tribune.

karl-marx

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The straw was probably invented by Egyptian brewers

to taste in-process beer without removing the fermenting ingredients

which floated on the top of the container.

Egyptian brewers

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The name for fungal remains found in coal is sclerotinite.

coal

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The forward pass was created by the football

team at Saint Louis University.

forward pass

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During his Presidency Bill Clinton sent a total of two emails.

(I guess he was busy doing other things!)

clinton-cartoon

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There’s A Fine Line Between Hyphenated Words…

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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There is indeed a fine line between hyphenated words – haven’t you noticed?

Yes, it’s the day to play on words, or play with words.

Whatever way you want to put it, it’s pun day!

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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The other day I held the door open for a clown.

I thought it was a nice jester.

clown jester

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I thought my Granny was going to get me a jumper for my birthday

but she just gave me a card again.

cardigan

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I play for my shop fitting company’s football team.

We are great on the counter attack.

a_Dodson_Shop_Fitters_Reception_Counter_with_Glass_Shelves

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I’ve sent a few angry letters to my Congressman.

A ‘G’ and three ‘R’s.

grrr

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I had a good morning today, I met Cameron Diaz.

And her brother, Buenos.

Cameron-Diaz

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I’m lying in bed listening to the Carpenters…

Who are taking way too long installing the new kitchen.

carpenter-kitchen-fitter

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I’ve just started a new extermination company

that specialises in felines.

I’m calling it curiosity.

Curiosity+killed+the+cat.+source+smosh+facebook+page_06d5f5_3980829

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L’Oreal Saudi Arabia.

Burkas you’re worth it.

l'oreal Saudi Arabia, burkas you're worth it

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My other half reckons I might have schizophrenia!

schizophrenia

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I took a poll recently,

and 100% of the strippers asked

were angry they had nothing to dance on.

silhouette-pole

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“OK son, what do you understand

by the word ‘omniscient’?”

He said, “God knows…”

What a clever little boy!

clever little boy

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I’m writing a post about storms.

So far, it’s just a rough draft.

storms

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Did you hear about the mexcian train killer?

He had locomotives.

Mexican train game

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What’s the singular of ‘werewolves’?

‘I’m a wolf’.

Cartoon Werewolf

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I was gob smacked when my Swedish friend came to

visit from the states and was now living as a woman.

He was Bjorn in the U.S.A.

Bjorn in the U.S.A.

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