A Few Friday Funnies.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Last week we had a few political jokes.

This week we are having a look at some of the things political jokes have said when they were trying (in vain) to sound smart.

Try to forget that these are the idiots who are running the country and instead….

Enjoy .

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President Richard Nixon

“This is a great day for France!”

President Richard Nixon at

French President Charles de Gaulle’s funeral.

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Senator John McCain

Senator John McCain in his presidential run:

“I was in Germany over the weekend and

President Putin of Germany gave

one of the old Cold War speeches as

he addressed the conference there.”

Walter-Hickel

Alaska Gov. Walter Hickel once justified a

plan to kill hundreds of wolves by saying,

“You just can’t let nature run wild.”

Vice-President-Dan-Quayle

“Desert Storm was a stirring victory for

the forces of aggression and lawlessness.”

Vice President Dan Quayle

Les Aspin, secretary of defense

“We will not close any bases that are not needed.”

Les Aspin, secretary of defense

President Clinton

“I would never approach a small-breasted woman.”

President Clinton, denying that he

had sexually harassed Kathleen Willey.

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Frances Sissy Farenthold

“I am working for the time when unqualified

blacks, browns and women join the unqualified

men in running the government.”

Frances “Sissy” Farenthold, Texas state representative

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Tom Daschle

“This isn’t rocket science here.”

Tom Daschle, U.S. senator from South Dakota,

denouncing spending on space-based missile defense

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michael steele

”We need to uptick our image with everyone,

including one-armed midgets.”

Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele

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Jerry Falwell

“Grown men should not be having sex with

prostitutes unless they are married to them.”

Jerry Falwell

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Ronald Reagan

“Trees cause more pollution than automobiles.”

Ronald Reagan

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Rick Perry

“You can always follow me on Tweeter.”

Rick Perry

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Michele Bachmann

“Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful.

But there isn’t even one study

that can be produced that shows

that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.”

Rep. Michele Bachmann

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Sarah Palin

“But obviously, we’ve got to stand

with our North Korean allies.”

Sarah Palin

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al-gore-2

“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment.

It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”

Al Gore, Vice President

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America Has A Lot Of Things To Be Proud Of – This Is Not One Of Them.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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One thing that America and Americans have always been noted for is their generosity to the less fortunate. Billions of dollars have been donated over the years to one good cause or another. It is a record to be proud of.

Now, however, it seems that the idiot bureaucrats are going to take even that away.

Now it is apparently a crime to feed the homeless.

Arnold Abbott

To emphasize the point, 90 year old Arnold Abbot, who has been preparing and distributing food to the homeless in Ft Lauderdale, Florida for more than two decades, is now deemed to be committing an illegal act and has been arrested for his charitable work.

It’s all because some morons, in government jobs, paid for by the taxpaying public, and who have never themselves been homeless, decided that feeding the poor is no longer to be tolerated.

Abbott and two South Florida ministers, pastors Dwayne Black and Mark Sims, have been arrested as they served up food. They were charged with breaking an ordinance restricting public feeding of the homeless. Each faces up to 60 days in jail and a $500 fine.

Arnold Abbott 2

Fort Lauderdale is the latest U.S. city to pass restrictions on feeding homeless people in public places. In Orlando, a similar ordinance requires groups to get a permit to feed 25 or more people in parks in a downtown district.

Advocates for the homeless say that the cities are fighting to control increasing homeless populations, but simply passing ordinances does not solve the problem, it just pushes it into someone else’s back yard.

It all smacks very much of bureaucratic stupidity. Leave the disease unchecked and concentrate on legislating for the symptoms.

If the government is willing to waste time and money making criminals out of those who wish to feed the homeless, why can it not use its resources to try to grips with the root causes of that homelessness and do something about it.

The US is $18 trillion in debt, and counting, but if government money can be found to give to foreign countries to alleviate hardship, why can money not be found to alleviate the same hardship in the homeland?

I’ve never been homeless and I don’t want to know what it’s like. But a lot of ordinary people hit hard times and lost their homes thanks to the theft and fraud perpetrated by the banksters whose greed created the property crash.

Many billions of dollars were given to these crooks by the government to bail them out,  money that was then gambled away or stuck in the banksters own pockets in the form of ‘bonuses’ they did not earn nor deserve.

Thankfully ordinary citizens are coming to the aid of Arnold Abbot. He has received public statements of support and even some financial contributions this Christmas past to assist with his helping the homeless.

I doubt, however, if the bureaucrats are finished with him, after all, who better for cowards like them to pick on than a 90 year old man?

I wonder who is right and who is wrong? Let’s check the real rule book…

Matthew 25:35,40

35 For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me,

40 And the king will say to them in reply, ‘Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.’

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They Let The Crazy People Out Today.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hi folks.

It’s Black Friday.

This is the day they let the crazy people out.

They wrestle and fight and tug

and roll around on the floor hitting each other

in a frenzy of greed and stupidity. 

It’s fun to watch, but I’m staying at home.

How about you?

If you want to know why then have

a look at these videos and photos.

Enjoy and be safe.

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Black-Friday.001

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rampage-black-friday-w724

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black-friday1

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635215736606808633black-friday

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black friday fight 3

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A shopper is restrained on the ground by security staff in the car park of an Asda store in Bristol.

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Black-Friday-Fight

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black friday fight 4

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blackfriday_fights_11-27-2012

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Poor Oliver Buckworth!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Anyone who has traveled by air anywhere in the world since the 9/11 attacks has been the victim of the idiotic security measures at airports.

Belts off, shoes off, laptops out, body scan or grope – you know the drill. All useless and ineffective and there, like a lot of other stuff, to give the impression that the government is doing something when in reality it is doing nothing.

And as always the stupid rules are enforced by even stupider people.

So, who is poor Oliver Buckworth?

He’s a 28-year-old Melbourne-based interior designer, a threat to no one, and a victim of the security morons that infest air travel these days.

You see Oliver was on a flight in Australia, on a carrier called Tiger Airways. To pass the time he started doodling in a note pad he had with him.

The doodle said “In a land of melting ice-cream, sandy feet and fluffy bears, how could anybody be fearful of terrorism?” and along with it was a visual pun with the word “terrorismadeup” picked out in different colors to suggest that “terror is made up”. Being an interior designer he also drew a chandelier on the same page.

Now you are probably asking, what exactly was his crime?

Doodling with intent to do what?

Not taking the air travel security farce seriously enough?

Having a sense of humor?

Or just getting bored and passing the time with his note pad and pen?

A busybody passenger sitting near Buckworth reported his doodle to the airline staff, who, instead of telling the other passenger to wise up, took the whole thing seriously. Yes, they were as stupid as the busybody passenger.

Apparently Tiger Airways have a “zero tolerance” policy “towards inappropriate and antisocial behavior” which seemed to include Oliver’s doodle. He said he was writing a sentence about the absurdity of recent fear-mongering statements about the threat of possible terrorist attacks, but it was enough to have him thrown off the plane and handed over to the Australian Federal Police.

To be fair to the police, after doing a background check on Oliver they realized that the airline idiots hadn’t uncovered the next Osama Bin Laden and they didn’t take any further action.

But, choosing not to involve themselves with common sense, Tiger Airways banned him from using the airline again, not that he’d probably want to now anyway.

Well done Tiger Airways, you done Australia proud – I think not!

Here’s Oliver’s doodle, make up your own mind.

the Buckworth doodle

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The Poor Suckers!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It’s an unwritten rule that the more power you give bureaucrats the stupider the regulations they come up with.

The European Union is a prime example. The bureaucrats there have already decided that our bananas shouldn’t be too straight, or our cucumbers too bent. Their scientists have even declared that there was no proof that drinking water helped with dehydration. (Yes, they really did!)

cucumber-legality

These examples give you an idea just how intrusive and how dumb these people are.

Unfortunately they are in a position to issue these stupid regulations and to have them enforced by an even stupider team of morons who spend their worthless lives checking to make sure that rules that should never have been passed are adhered to.

idiot-eu-bureaucrats

And it just keeps going.

There are new wattage rules for light bulbs, and televisions, and washing machines, and refrigerators. And within the past few days the poor vacuum cleaner has come under attack.

They’ve decided that vacuum cleaners that use more than 1600 watts can no longer be sold in stores in the EU, nor manufactured in EU plants. And the wattage is to be reduced even further during the next two years to a paltry 900 watts.

I don’t know whether the term “poor suckers” is being applied to these weak powered machines or the citizens of the EU who have to put up with such endless nonsense!

vacuum cleaners

Next on the bureaucrat’s hit list are lawn mowers, mobile phones, hair dryers, kettles, in fact just about everything they can think of interfering with.

Strangely, though, the one thing they never ever consider in their quest to reduce energy consumption is to cut the numbers in the EU Parliament along with their tens of thousands of support staff.

Or maybe it’s not so strange at all!

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It’s Hard To Love Your Country When It’s Government Doesn’t Love you Back!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A few weeks ago I wrote a post that I called “Why are the bureaucrats destroying what made America great?” (if you want to refer to it please click here

In it I posed the question as to why a self-defeating wealth-distributing philosophy is taking the place of the business-friendly environment that America is famed for and that made it the wealthiest nation on Earth. And why the bureaucrats are trying to make it increasingly more difficult and expensive for businesses to operate in the US rather than offering more incentives and encouragement.

drop business incentive programs

The example I gave in the previous post was the huge pharmaceutical corporation called AbbVie, which was relocating from Chicago, Illinois, to Europe and thereby effectively cutting its tax bill in half – a significant saving when you are generating billions of dollars in revenue each year.

Now the latest corporation to show its frustration with the way things are deteriorating in America is the Miami based fast food giant Burger King. It is currently in merger talks with Canadian coffee chain Tim Hortons, in a deal that would allow Burger King to relocate out of the US with a view to trying to cut its “big whopper”  of a tax bill too.

Since the new company would be headquartered in Canada, Burger King would no longer be liable for punitive US taxes which are now regarded as the highest among developed economies.

It’s another high profile example of what is called an ‘inversion’ deal, a strategy that allows US firms to lower their tax bills by merging with a foreign company, and then relocating to the new country.

tim hortons logo

The Obama administration’s response has been predictable  –  cry foul, say it’s not fair, and tell these corporations to forget about the best strategy for their business and just wrap themselves in the Star Spangled Banner.

“My attitude,” the President declared in July, “is I don’t care if it’s legal — it’s wrong.”

It’s great to love your country, but it’s tough when the government of your country doesn’t love you back! And it will take more than bogus emotional claptrap to change the minds of hard-headed businessmen.

What Obama and his henchmen should be doing is asking themselves why it is happening and what THEY are doing wrong that makes these giant wealth creating corporations want to get out of America as fast as they can.

But they won’t do that.

That would make sense –  and sense is the last thing that the bureaucrats want to apply to any situation.

So they’ll continue to spend money they don’t have, on things the country can’t afford and probably doesn’t need, and then pass the bill on to the tax payers.

Their short term solution to these corporate inversion deals will be to try to legislate to make them illegal. Good luck with that, I have never seen legislation drafted by an idiot bureaucrat that a team of top corporate lawyers couldn’t drive a coach and horses through.

So rather than stopping the exodus, it’s more of a question of what will be the next corporation to leave???

drive a coach and horses through

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Vlad The Bad?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The Sunday Sermon

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“It was the Russians, they’re the ones to blame.”

“It was Putin. He’s the baddie. We can’t let him get way with it!”

 malaysia-airlines-flight-mh17

So go the cries in the US in the aftermath of the shooting down of Air Malaysia Flight MH17 over the Ukraine.

And that was long before any of the facts had been collected and it was known who shot down a plane on a different continent, or why. 

Russia wants (virtual) control of the Ukraine. There isn’t really any doubt about that. For them it is a strategic imperative. Russia’s history has taught it that it needs to be able to control a vast amount of territory, if only to use as a buffer zone against invasion.

The situation is not helped by various US Presidents and Secretaries of State giving Russia assurances that they would not attempt to involve the peripheral former Soviet states in things like NATO – and then trying to do the exact opposite.

It is now widely accepted that the underlying reason for the unrest in the Ukraine and Russia’s reaction is because of US interference in that country, which included helping to overthrow its democratically elected president, Viktor Yanukovych, and replace him with someone who was a virtual puppet of the West.

That was just asking for trouble. And they should have known it.

And they will get trouble, probably much more than they bargained for.

Unfortunately that will impact on ordinary people, like us.

 Major_NATO_affiliations_in_Europe

Just as the US has its beady eyes on bringing the Ukraine and other former Soviet states into pro-Western organizations like NATO, it is equally certain that Putin will have his beady eyes on not only bringing the former Soviet states back firmly under Russian control, but in perhaps expanding his relationships with other parts of Europe.

Putin has the energy reserves to do it. Whilst there is very little in the way of direct trade between the US and Russia, particularly in regard to energy supplies, (Russia is just the United States’ 20th largest trading partner), Europe is largely dependent on Russian gas to keep it going. Over 30 percent of the European Union’s energy supplies come from Russia and the EU is Russia’s largest trading partner.

Russia’s counter strategy, therefore, will obviously be to use its considerable economic influence as leverage to try to break up the NATO alliance and to separate the European power house, Germany, from its Anglo-American alliance.

Putin is being helped by the arrogance of America’s government spooks who thought they could spy on their friends and allies, even going so far as tapping the phone of German Chancellor, Angela Merkel, without there being consequences.  

consequences

Prompted by leaks from NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden, the fallout from America’s spying debacle continues, people have been arrested, and the German government has even ordered the local CIA station chief to pack his bags and leave the country.

Germany may still place some value on its relationship with the US, but not nearly so much as previously, thanks solely to America’s lack of respect for them.

Putin and his advisors know this, even if Obama and Kerry don’t. They see Germany as ready for change. And they may well be right. The German people are angry at the contempt America has shown for them  – just as Americans would rightly have been if the Germans had done the same to them and their President  –  and they are increasingly frustrated at the burden the European Union has become economically.

If the US doesn’t catch itself on and behave differently and with respect towards its foreign friends, it may find that there will be changes it did not expect and certainly did not want.

Kerry Putin Obama

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A Different Sort Of Quiz Today

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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To give you a bit of a break from the normal quiz day – yes, I’m still watching the World Cup football and the final was yesterday. Well done Germany, commiserations Argentina. 

So instead here is one taken by other people.

Twenty questions from a SAT Science Exam and, as well as being amusing, it is also a good commentary on  the state of the education system these days.

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Quiz 03

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Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

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Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

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Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

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Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

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Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?

A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

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Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

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Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

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Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.

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Q: What is artificial insemination?

A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

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Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?

A: Keep it in the cow.

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Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g., abdomen.)

A: The body is consisted into three parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.

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Q: What is the Fibula?

A: A small lie.

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Q: What does “varicose” mean?

A: Nearby.

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Q: What is the most common form of birth control?

A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

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Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”

A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

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Q: What is a seizure?

A: A Roman emperor.

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Q: What is a terminal illness?

A: When you are sick at the airport

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Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?

A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

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Q: What does the word “benign” mean?

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

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Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

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April Fools!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I know it’s June but you will see later why the title says April. The fools bit is appropriate all year round for these guys as will also become clear.

Now for the story.

A cunning master criminal and his accomplice were caught after a burglary attempt at a place of business in Maplewood, Minnesota, thanks to an alert police dispatcher and a real dumb-ass criminal.

As a result Todd J. Weiss 32, from Minnetonka and his sidekick Justin G. Evans, 38, from Savage, were arrested at the scene. Both face third-degree felony burglary charges.

The incident took place around 4:45 a.m. April 1 (Fools Day appropriately enough, hence the title).

Maplewood Police Chief Paul Schnell said a 911 dispatcher first got a call and hang-up, then another call from the same number.

The second time, the call stayed open. The dispatcher overheard pieces of a conversation about where police were and the dangers of getting caught.

“If it goes off, they are right across the street,” one of the men said, according to the charges.

Police Chief Schnell said it was “pretty clear based on some of that conversation that this was a burglary”.

The phone had been in Weiss’s pocket and whatever he was doing at the time, he had inadvertently pressed the phone’s emergency-call feature, twice!!

As with all 911 calls, the dispatcher could see the location of the caller, in this case a car-repair shop at White Bear Avenue and County Road D.

Officers arrived to see the two men leaving the building wearing dark clothing, the charges said. One was carrying a television, the other a box.

Upon seeing the officers, the men dropped their booty and ran for it. Officers ordered them to stop, then sent police dogs to nab them.

Weiss refused to speak to police after he was read his Miranda rights. Evans said he had taken more than a dozen Xanax and the police report confirmed that he “appeared to be under the influence of the substance”.

He denied being inside the business, saying he was outside behind nearby apartments having relations with his girlfriend.

Both men’s criminal histories include burglary and theft, according to Minnesota court records.

Police Chief Schnell rightly praised the 911 operator, but it has to be said that morons like these who phone 911 while burglarizing a property make it a bit too easy for the cops to catch them.

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Todd Joseph Weiss
Todd Joseph Weiss

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Have You Ever Googled Yourself?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Have you ever Googled yourself to see if there is anything on the internet about you, or even if there are any other people with the same name as you?

I bet you have. I think everyone does at some stage. Some people call it ‘ego-surfing’.

I actually hadn’t, but I did just now. Apparently there’s a British Member of Parliament and a Realtor in Kentucky using my name. I’ll have to put a stop to that!

But getting back to today’s post. There’s nothing wrong with Googling yourself, unless of course you are a moron, in which case the consequences can be both unseen (for you) and quite traumatic.

That’s what happened to a guy called Christopher Viatafa.

He’s a moron.

And a criminal.

In fact Christopher was being sought in connection with a shooting during a private party at the San Leandro Senior Center in California. Police said he got into an argument, pulled out a handgun and fired several rounds into the ground.

He was forced out of the area, but not before he fired more rounds. No one was hit, but police investigators were looking for him for allegedly discharging a firearm toward an inhabited dwelling.

That was okay, as far as he was concerned.

But then the astute Christopher Googled his name, found a picture of himself on a “Most Wanted” website….

and….

wait for it….

you know what’s coming….

promptly surrendered to San Leandro police in connection with a shooting.

Viatafa told police he had looked himself up online and found his mug on the “Northern California Most Wanted” website, maintained by the Northern California Regional Intelligence Center, a group of local, state and federal law enforcement agencies.

“That is why he turned himself in,” police said.

By the following Friday, Viatafa was listed on the website as a “captured fugitive”.

The website didn’t say that he had captured himself.

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dumb criminal Christopher Viatafa

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