Apparently Towels Are The Biggest Cause Of Dry Skin.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

I couldn’t make my mind for a while whether that title was a pun or a fabulous fact.

But it’s Pun Day, so a play on words it is.

Enjoy or endure!

.

rofl

.

My uncle works for a company

that makes bicycle wheels.

He’s the Spokesman.

bicycle wheel spokes

.

.

Police, “You’re under arrest for trespassing.”

Me, “On what grounds?”

no trespassing sign

.

.

I know a guy who in his spare time likes to dress up as a knight,

and jump over 20 parked cars on a horse.

I call him Medieval Knievel.

Medieval Knight

.

.

Having fake teeth.

That’ll denture confidence

dentures

.

.

I actually tried plane sailing the other day….

It’s not as easy as it’s made out to be.

cartoon plane sailing

.

.

Why do elephants have big ears?

Because Noddy wouldn’t pay the ransom.

Big Ears

.

.

My wife always gets annoyed when I leave her out.

Especially if it’s raining.

woman in rain

.

.

Arkansas is just Kansas with pirates.

Pirates

.

.

Once when I was in Chicago I did 35 press-ups in a row…

The elevator attendant looked pretty annoyed.

elevator buttons

.

.

I’ve spent my entire life researching the multiples of zero,

my career has amounted to nothing. 

lots of zeros

.

.

I asked my friend the other day, “Where’s your mum from?”

He replied, “Alaska.”

I said, “Don’t worry, I’ll ask her myself.”

Alaska

.

.

I saw a man with a trolley

full of horseshoes and rabbits’ feet earlier,

trying to get it up a hill.

I thought, “He’s pushing his luck.”

horseshoes and rabbits' feet

.

.

Some people say it’s sick and perverted to be a flasher.

I think it shows a lot of balls.

cartoon flasher

.

.

A Zen master once said to me,

“Do the opposite of whatever I tell you.”

So I didn’t.

cartoon zen master

.

.

I was referred to Dr. Dre the other day,

I have to go in for a hip-hoperation.

.

.

============================================

.

When it comes to charity many people stop at nothing.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

We’re playing with the meanings of words again.

Yes it’s another pun day.

Enjoy!

.

.

Why do they call it a strip mall

if I’m the only one with my clothes off?

strip mall

.

.

They say that all the best ideas will always fit on a beer mat.

Like a beer, for example.

beer mat

.

.

When chatting up women, saying “you have beautiful eyes”

is one of the more cornea things to say.

They can see right through it.

beautiful eyes

.

.

If you want to see real change…..

Always pay with cash.

change

.

.

My girlfriend keeps telling me that making

clothes based puns is really not funny.

Corset is!

corset cartoon

.

.

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache,

do what it says on the aspirin bottle:

“Take two aspirin” and “Keep away from children.”

aspirin cartoon

.

.

Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?

He decided to stick it out for one more year.

Flasher

.

.

BA has made a statement about flights out of Heathrow:

“I ain’t getting on no plane, fool!”

Mr T

.

.

There are 10 types of people in this world.

Those who understand binary and those who don’t.

real-programmers-code-in-binary

.

.

Why is it so groovy to be a test tube baby?

Because you get a womb with a view.

test_tube_baby

.

.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea.

Does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

diarrhea

.

.

Is dancing cheek-to-cheek really a form of floor play?

dancing cheek to cheek

.

.

It’s wasn’t that the man did not know how to juggle,

he just didn’t have the balls to do it.

juggler

.

.

I hate it when I find a piece missing from a jigsaw.

But I love it when I find a piece missing from a jigsaw.

jigsaw-piece-cartoon

.

=======================

.