I’m Starting A One-Man Band – Email Me If You’re Interested.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to the last Pun Day….

Of this July that is, I hope you didn’t get your hopes up too high.

Anyway here are the latest offerings.

Enjoy or endure!

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This nice weather doesn’t fool me one bit.

It’s just a front.

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What do you call a couple

who go fishing together?

Rod and Annette.

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I hate jokes about Vietnam.

They really Hanoi me.

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My new book about Poltergeists

is flying off the shelves.

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I was touched by my Granddad

when I was a little boy.

His tear jerking tales of world war two

were simply heartbreaking.

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I was telling the police officer

how local youths had thrown

a milk bottle at me and just missed.

He asked, “Skimmed past your face?”

I replied, “No, full fat over my shoulder.” 

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‘My post box’

has got nine letters in it.

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I told my fiancee and friends that I wanted

to racially segregate our wedding.

They didn’t really warm to it.

I was met with a mixed reception.

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Age isn’t

“just a number”

– it’s quite clearly a word

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People who confuse

the metaphorical and the factual

make my head literally explode.

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My girlfriend was disappointed when

I bought her New York flights for her birthday.

But not as disappointed as I was when

I found out she didn’t even play darts.

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I’ve just stolen loads of swimming inflatables.

I’d better lilo.   

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I went to see my new doctor this morning about my piles.

He told me to drop my trousers and pants and bend over.

As I pulled my cheeks apart, he said,

“I’m going to need your whole name.”

I said, “I just call it my asshole.”

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Gordon Ramsay reminds me of a newspaper.

Only with more headlines.

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Time traveller’s convention next June.

I’m there.

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Did You Know? Another Fact Finding Mission Is Underway!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another fact finding mission has been undertaken on your behalf and here are this week’s results.

The usual random mixture, so hopefully something interesting will be in there for you.

Enjoy.

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Cashews are actually a fleshy fruit.

The nut that we eat is the seed that

grows on the outside of the fruit.

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There have been 14 vice presidents who have

become President of the United States.

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Thamsanqa Jantjie, the embarrassing sign language interpreter

at the Mandela Memorial who doesn’t know any sign language,

is also alleged to be a murderer.

He was among a group of people who accosted two men found

with a stolen television and burned them to death

by setting fire to tires placed around their necks.

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Outside North and South America,

the only alligators found in the wild are in China.

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Thomas Edison was a great inventor,

but not so good at putting his inventions into practical business use.

For example, despite having the contract to supply cement

for the original Yankee Stadium,

the Edison Portland Cement Company went bust

because it insisted on producing concrete everything,

including cabinets, pianos, and even entire houses!

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Gureng-gureng, Gabi-Gabi, Waga-Waga, Wemba-Wemba, and Yitha-Yitha

are all names of native Australian languages.

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Some Americans disagreed with the United States’ initial refusal

to enter WWI and so they joined the French Foreign Legion

or the British or Canadian armies.

A group of U.S. pilots formed the Lafayette Escadrille,

which was part of the French air force and became

one of the top fighting units on the Western Front.

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The horse race normally called the Belmont Stakes

also goes by name of the Run for the Carnations.

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Golf legend Jack Nicklaus didn’t earn his nickname,

the Golden Bear,

because of his size, his demeanor, or his hair.

It was the name of his high school mascot.

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The term “Continental breakfast” was coined to

differentiate itself from an English breakfast.

The fried eggs, bacon, and beans of an English morning

are quite distinct from the dainty pastries, coffee, and juice

offered throughout the rest of Europe.

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Beowulf is the longest Old English manuscript in existence

and contains about a tenth of all known Anglo-Saxon poetry.

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After Leonardo da Vinci’s death,

King Francis I of France hung the Mona Lisa in his bathroom.

(There’s critics everywhere!)

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One type of hummingbird weighs less than a penny.

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The letter “J” was the last letter added to the English Alphabet.

Before that, the letter “L” was used in its place.

“U” was the second to last letter added,

and was usually replaced by V.

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Norman Mailer coined the word “factoid” in his 1973 biography Marilyn,

BUT it wasn’t just another word for “trivia”

– he actually meant something that seems like a fact but isn’t actually factual

– and that’s a fact….. or a factoid…. or…. er.

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