Political Jokes!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

No, this isn’t a list of the names of the members of the HoR or the Senate, or even the Obama administration, although I see why you would have jumped to that conclusion.

I thought I would try to lighten the mood for the weekend by posting some of the political jokes that made me smile.

Hope they have the same effect on you.

Enjoy.

.

 

.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common:

they should both be changed regularly…

and for the same reason.

.

.

Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s new ‘Obama Value Meal’?

A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

.

 

.

Q: How many politicians does

it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two: one to change it and

another one to change it back again.

.

.

.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?

A: Your Honor.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?

A: Senator.

.

.

We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope.

Now we have Obama, no cash, and no hope.

.

.

The recession is getting so bad,

the bank sent me a new type of credit card.

It was pre-declined.

.

 

.

It was so cold in Washington today,

I saw a Democrat who had his hands in his own pockets!

.

.

I is very proud dat I went 2 school in da UK.

I fink out of all 17 countries in da world UK is da best.

.

.

When they call the roll in the Senate,

the Senators do not know whether to answer

‘Present’ or ‘Not guilty.’ 

.

.Today’s public figures can no longer

Today’s public figures can no longer

write their own speeches or books,

and there is some evidence

that they can’t read them either. 

(Gore Vidal.)

.

 

.

‘Politics is the art of looking for trouble,

finding it whether it exists or not,

diagnosing it incorrectly,

and applying the wrong remedy’.

(Ernest Benn.)

 .

.

‘Politicians are the same all over.

They promise to build bridges,

even where there are no rivers’.

(Nikita Kruschchev.)

.

 

.

I just hope our next world war isn’t with China.

Who would make uniforms for the troops?

.

.

The Iranian leader has left

on a tour of friendly countries.

He’s expected home tomorrow.

.

.

Foreign Aid :

Poor people in a rich country

sending money to

rich people in a poor country.

.

.

I rarely speak to Obama supporters,

but when I do….

I ask for large fries.

.

.

Obama: “Here we are, two black presidents.”

Mandela: “You’re not very black.”

Obama: “I’ve not been to jail.”

.

.

President Obama met Bill Clinton for lunch.

“I was sorry to hear about Hillary’s concussion,”

Obama said. “How’s her head?”

“It’s fine,” Bill replied.

“But she’s no Monica.”

.

.

My computer crashed earlier and I lost all my files,

Luckily the NSA has a back up…

.

.

Stop repeat offenders.

Don’t re-elect them!

.

.

Democracy:

A political system where

any two idiots outvote a genius.

.

.

How many Feminists does

it take to change a lightbulb?

Two.

One to get a man to change it,

and the other to criticize men for inventing it.

.

.

Spin doctors:

People who never call a spade a spade.

They proclaim it as a ground-breaking innovation.

.

.

Politicians should serve two terms.

One in office, one in prison.

.

.

No matter who you vote for

the government always seems to get in.

.

.

Definition of an elephant:

A mouse built to government specifications.

.

.

The word ‘politics’ is derived from

the word ‘poly’, meaning ‘many’,

and the word ‘ticks’,

meaning ‘blood sucking parasites’.

(Larry Hardiman.)

.

====================================

–

 

 

What’s That Smell?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Last week I wrote a post about the resurgence of the Cold War. I called it “Anyone Feel A Chill?” (click here if you would like to read it.)

But, politicians being politicians, they cannot even have a mock war like a Cold War without the stench of hypocrisy attached to it.

For example, the United States blames Russia for interfering in the internal affairs of Ukraine, as indeed it is currently doing. But at the same time it attaches no blame to itself for also interfering in the Ukraine’s internal affairs, which it also did – in the process helping to create the mess we now see on our TV screens.

Now, not content with that, America has been coercing Europe to go along with it in imposing economic sanctions on Russia. And by and large Europe has meekly and unthinkingly followed the US lead.

It started with foodstuffs and freezing bank accounts and assets, which Putin has managed to shrug off without too much trouble.

Now they’ve upped the ante and imposed sanctions on Russia’s supply of energy which is it’s big wealth earner and which given time will no doubt hurt a bit. I say “a bit” because any long term shortfall in energy revenue from Europe will be more than made up for by energy hungry customers like China, India and the rest of Asia. China, for example, recently closed a $400 billion natural gas deal with the Russians.

As a matter of fact, with winter approaching, the sanction game may well end up hurting Europe a lot more that it does Russia.

You see, the thing is, the energy sanctions imposed by the US and Europe are on the sale of oil and gas. These are the things that Europe desperately needs, but are things on which America does not rely on Russia for at all.

Wait a minute, there’s that smell again.

Worse than that, the US did not invoke sanctions on the sale of Russian nuclear fuel, which America does rely on Russia for, since it just happens to power 10% of all American homes.

Now do you smell it?

At the moment it looks like this Cold War is going to get very cold in Europe and very expensive as the cost of heating increases with the shortfall in supplies.

America will be fine though.

So will Russia.

.

=================================================

.