I’m Beginning To Feel I’m Bean Stalked!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


Yes, it’s pun day, the day we all love  –  well most of us do anyway.

Enjoy this latest selection!



When does a cow make the most noise?

When she’s feeling moooooody!




I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with

a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides.

I picked it up and threw it.

It flew for more than 300 yards.

I’m sure that must have been a record.




There was a ghost at the hotel,

so they called for an inn spectre.

ghost hotel



Me and my friends are in a band called Duvet.

We’re a cover band.




Messing with your computer’s memory chip

can have lasting RAMifications

memory chip ram



My girlfriend got sacked from work and then lost her appeal.

I only found her appealing because she had a well paid job.





This one is just messed up.

messed up



I sell balloons for 10p each or if you want them blown up it’s 15p.

I’ve adjusted the price to allow for inflation.

balloon seller cartoon



A picture may be worth a thousand words,

but it uses up three thousand times the memory.




I lost my mood ring.

I don’t know how I feel about this.




I beat my wife up this morning.

She got up at 7.30, I was up at 7.




Why did I divide sin by tan?

Just cos.

sin divided by tan



With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

wedding cartoon



I was recently asked about my views on euthanasia.

I said they all look the same to me.





It’s not what it used to be.




I just received an envelope marked – Photographs Do Not Bend.

The Mailman has, however, proven that they do.

Photos Do Not Bend



I fell on my arm and had to have an operation on my funny bone.

I was in stitches for two weeks.




I’ve just got my son a flat piece of cardboard for Christmas.

Although what he wants with an ex box I’ll never know.

cardboard box flat



A man goes home to his wife and shows her his

latest tattoo of a spreadsheet on his chest.

“You’ve really Excelled yourself this time!” she says.




When a hospital runs out of maternity nurses

do they have a mid-wife crisis?





Puns For The Educated Mind

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


According to the dictionary, a pun is the humorous use of a word or phrase so as to emphasize or suggest its different meanings or applications, or the use of words that are alike or nearly alike in sound but different in meaning; a play on words.

I like puns. Sometimes they can be quite clever and humorous. At other times they can lead to an excruciatingly bad joke, although the worse they are the funnier they seem to be. Strange thing humor. 

I have a load of examples in the archives. Here are some to give you a taste of what may be in store.

Enjoy, (I hope)…



The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

He acquired his size from too much pi.



I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,

but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.



She was only a whiskey maker,

but he loved her still.



No matter how much you push the envelope,

it’ll still be stationery.



Would a grenade thrown into a kitchen in France result in

Linoleum Blownapart?



Two silk worms had a race.

They ended up in a tie.



A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.

The police are looking into it.



Time flies like an arrow.

Fruit flies like a banana.



Apparently Mitt Romney donated the entirety of his inheritance from his father to the Brigham Young University. Is this guy a Moron?


Mitt Romney and Charles Montgomery Burns
Mitt Romney and Charles Montgomery Burns


Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.

One hat said to the other, “You stay here; I’ll go on a head.”



I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.

Then it hit me.



A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:

“Keep off the Grass.”



The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison

was a small medium at large.



The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray

is now a seasoned veteran.



A backward poet writes inverse.



In a democracy it’s your vote that counts…

In feudalism it’s your count that votes.



When cannibals ate a missionary,

did they get a taste of religion?



If you jumped off the bridge in Paris ,

you’d be in Seine.



A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.

The stewardess looks at him and says,

“I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion per passenger.”



Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?

His goal: transcend dental medication.



Two hydrogen atoms meet.

One says, “I’ve lost my electron.”

The other says, “Are you sure?” 

The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”