It’s Hard To Explain How Good I Am At Describing Things!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

But I can still describe today 

–  it’s Pun Day!

Enjoy or endure!

.

.

If you think you dream in color,

is it just a pigment of your imagination?

.

.

My boss fired me for complaining about the office escalator,

It didn’t go down well.

.

.

First guy: “What would you do if your son told you he was gay?”

Second guy: “I’d buy him a straight jacket.”

.

.

Paddy goes for a job interview at a chemical factory.

The manager asks, “Have you worked with chemicals before?”

Paddy replies, “Yes.”

The manager then asks, “Can you tell me what nitrate is?”

Paddy replies, “Yes, it’s time and a half.”

.

.

I was on holiday in the Alps

when I saw a sign saying ‘Ski Hire’.

So I went a bit further up the slope.

.

.

I’ve just bought a shire horse.

As if my other horse wasn’t shy enough.

.

.

I keep having recurring nightmares where

I’m in a hospital surrounded by loads of pregnant women.

Could I be going through a midwife crisis?

.

.

I’ve just got a job testing hover boards.

The money’s not great,

but it keeps me off the streets.

.

.

Pirate cheerleaders have it easy.

“Give me an R!”…

.

.

A guy came up to me the other day and said,

“I’m a 3-5 stringed instrument of the harp family,

popular among nobles in medieval Europe.”

I said, “You’re a lyre!”

 

.

.

It will be Google’s birthday soon.

They’re planning a search party.

.

.

I went for a depression test.

Came back negative.

Oh, NO!

.

.

I rang SeaWorld the other day,

because I wanted some information.

Before I got through to an employee,

I got a tape telling me

“This call may be recorded for training porpoises.”

.

.

If someone asks you to

spell “Part A” backwards,

don’t do it.

It’s a trap……

.

.

Steppenwolf was an assumed name.

He was born Toby Wild.

.

.

=================================================

.

Famous Last Words Of An Idiot – “I Have A Plan…”

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Many stupid crimes happen every day. And most of them are committed by stupid criminals.

Unfortunately most of the stories we never get to hear about, but occasionally we do.

Like this one, which must rank as one of the dumbest ever!

It happened in a place called Mullins, SC. The perpetrator, or would-be perpetrator, was a ‘genius’ called Laquain Deshawn Guy and he had the idea that he would rob an Arby’s fast food restaurant.

Lots of cash in there, he thought, not considering that most of the takings would be banked at the end of business.

That was his first mistake.

His second was failing to break into the restaurant using either a back door or a window.

No, this genius had a better idea.

He thought he would climb on to the roof of the building and gain entrance through the ventilation shaft. That is the story told by Captain Joe Graham with the Mullins police and I see no reason at all to doubt him.

The main reason being that criminal mastermind Laquain Deshawn Guy found to his surprise that he didn’t fit the ventilation shaft – and promptly wedged himself in there just as tight as he could.

The more he struggled the worse it got.

Man, was he stuck!

And he remained stuck for the next ten hours, until an Arby’s employee was opening the business Tuesday morning and he heard “noises”. I like to think that the noises were the farts being squeezed out of him as he got wedged in tighter and tighter, but nobody will confirm this.

The employee immediately called the police and that’s when they realized that the strange noises were coming from the very stuck Laquain still wedged inside the shaft.

Mullins Fire and Rescue eventually freed the idiot by cutting the ventilation pipe and pulling him through the roof, where he emerged dehydrated and with some muscle damage.

Crews then lowered him down and onto a stretcher and took him to hospital where he spent a few days before facing charges of Burglary Second Degree.

What a moron!

.

==============================================

.

Give Us A Job!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

I’m not sure what exactly happened or when it happened but things have changed in the employment world.

It used to be when you gave someone a job they were thankful not only for the opportunity to work and earn some money, but also for the chance to do something and better themselves. They had pride in what they did no matter what their job was.

Some of that still exists. But it is rare. Today many people seem to just want the money and couldn’t care less about the work they do.

It’s a pity and it is a terrible thing for the country as a whole. Whether it will ever change or not I don’t know. For what it’s worth my opinion is that once standards are lost they are very difficult to regain.

Having said all that, however, if you can momentarily set aside the frustration of trying to work with the dumb asses you have to employ these days it can sometimes make life a bit more amusing.

Here are a few examples.

Enjoy.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

=======================================

.

Did You Know? More Random Facts From Fasab’s Files

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Another chance to increase your knowledge with a very random list of facts from fasab’s files.

Have some fun throwing one or two of these into conversations. It will either make you the hit of the party, or you won’t be asked back. Possibly a win-win scenario!

As always, enjoy.

.

.

“I” is the most spoken word in the English language

 

 .

.

“You” is the second most spoken English word

 

.

. 

An Olympic gold medal must contain 92.5 percent silver

 

.

. 

Lee Harvey Oswald’s cadaver tag sold at an auction for $6,600 in 1992.

 

.

. 

The average American works 24,000 hours in their lifetime

just to pay their taxes

 

.

. 

A quarter of Russia is covered by forest.

 

.

. 

A rodents teeth never stop growing.

They are worn down by the animal’s constant gnawing

on bark, leaves, and vegetables.

 

.

. 

About 3000 years ago, most Egyptians

died by the time they were thirty.

 

.

. 

A Walla Walla scene

is one where extras pretend to be talking in the background

when they say walla walla it looks like they are actually talking.

 

.

. 

Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans

because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.

 

.

. 

Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel in 1952.

 

.

. 

Alexander the Great was an epileptic.

(He’d have a fit if he knew I’d told you that!)

 

.

. 

In eighteenth century English gambling dens,

there was an employee whose only job

was to swallow the dice if there was a police raid.

 

.

. 

In England, in the 1800’s pants was considered a dirty word.

 

.

.

In the movie “Star Trek: First Contact”,

when Picard shows Lilly she is orbiting Earth,

Australia and Papa New Guinea are clearly visible

.. But New Zealand is missing.

 

.

. 

Irving Berlin, who was born on 11 May 1888

and who composed three thousand songs in his lifetime,

couldn’t read music.

 

.

. 

It is estimated that millions of trees in the world

are accidentally planted by squirrels who bury nuts

and then forget where they hid them.

 

.

. 

Jacques Cousteau invented scuba gear

while in the French resistance during World War II

 

 .

.

The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street

were named after Bert the cop and Ernie

the taxi driver in Frank Capra’s “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

 

.

. 

A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champange

will bounce up and down continually from the bottom of the glass to the top.

.

 

 .

=============================

.