As Syndromes Go, I Have A Good One Today. Enjoy The Facts.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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There seems to be syndromes for just about anything these days/

Maybe that would make a good post on its own.

For today however you will have to be content with just one, mixed in with a lot of other facts too.

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Apparently in San Francisco

it is illegal to dry your car

with used underwear.

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Since the Space Shuttle electronics were

so outdated and nobody made them anymore,

NASA actually resorted to buying spare parts

on websites like eBay

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Only about 226,000 underwater marine species

have been identified and scientists estimate that

there could be up to 25 million marine species

living in the oceans.

This means less than 1% of all underwater

marine life has been discovered.

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Machu Picchu, the Incan citadel set high

in the Andes Mountains in Peru,

was so high in the mountains that it

wasn’t discovered until 1911.

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If it were a country,

McDonald’s would be the 90th richest

country on Earth.

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In the 80’s Romanian President Nicolae Ceausescu

had the game of scrabble banned and described it

as “overly intellectual” and a “subversive evil”.

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Discovered in 1852 and named after

the Greek mythological figure Psyche,

16 Psyche is a one of the largest metal asteroids

in the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter.

Unlike most of other metal asteroids,

Psyche shows no sign of the presence of water

and is believed to have a purely iron-nickel composition.

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After falling asleep in class and being awakened

by a teacher smacking her palm down on his desk,

a 16 year old’s parents decided to sue the

Connecticut Board of Education

for the hearing loss he suffered.

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The thing that is always used

to measure your foot at the shoe store

is called a Brannock Device.

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Heart attack guns exist.

According to disclosures by the CIA in 1975,

there is such a thing as a ‘heart attack gun’.

It fires a bullet made of ice, dipped in shellfish toxin

that immediately induces a heart attack.

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The first solo person to circumnavigate the globe

using only human power

was Erden Eruc of Turkey who

walked and rowed right around the world!

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Paris Syndrome is a real psychological syndrome

that affects mostly Japanese people when they realize

that Paris isn’t as great a place as they thought it would be.

The Japanese embassy in France even has a

special hotline that tourists can call.

Symptoms include nausea and headaches.

 

 

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Ebay Accounts Are Forbidden.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Sadly WordPress doesn’t let you bid on these posts either. I wonder why not?

Still, never mind, we have another Pun Day to look forward too now.

So….

Enjoy or endure!!

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WANTED:

Assistant required to fill

hourglasses with sand.

No timewasters.

 

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When bakers have a fight

They go at it all Buns Glazing.

 

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My friend is really interested in magnets.

Personally, I can’t see the attraction.

 

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Some bloke just barged into my caravan

accusing me of being the world’s worst psychic.

I don’t know what he was thinking.

 

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I entered a cartoonist competition today,

there were five of us in it,

we drew..

 

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How do trespassers get in your house?

Intruder window.

 

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This morning a beautiful blonde

came up to me in the street

and wrote her phone number on my hand

in bright yellow felt tip pen…

… It was the highlight of my day !

 

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I gave my son a faceless coin.

He couldn’t make head nor tails of it.

 

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If I see one more person misuse an apostrophe

I think Ill go completely nut’s !

 

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I am permanently hooked up to a device

which gives me an electric shock

if I say something negative.

It’s not ideal, but I can’t complain

 

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I’ve noticed that chess players

always close the door behind them

Do you think they don’t like draughts?

 

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Somebody closed the lid on my piano.

Now i can’t open it because the keys are inside.

 

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My friend has just directed his

own under-budget documentary,

“Living with the World’s Smallest Bath”.

I thought I’d give him a little plug.

 

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You can tell the sex of an ant

by dropping it into a jug of water.

If it sinks: girl ant

If it floats: boy ant

 

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The number of people who shout

“Boo!”

to their friends has risen by 85%.

That’s a frightening statistic.

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Happy Birthday Dot.Com

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Yesterday I was looking through the windows. Today it’s dot coms.

Technically I’m a week late but I thought I would wish good old Dot.Com many happy returns anyway.

Thirty years ago, on March 15th 1985, the first dot.com domain name was registered. It was symbolics.com.

It wasn’t a significant event at the time because way back in 1985 about the only people using the internet on a commercial basis were US government contractors. Ecommerce giants such as Amazon.com and Ebay.com hadn’t even been thought of.

It has all changed since then of course. Slowly at first, only four other dot.coms were registered in 1985, but now thirty years on the total number of registered top-level domains, or TLDs as they are known sometimes, has surpassed 288 million and showing no signs of stopping.

That total includes over 115 million dot coms, which are still the most sought after and most valuable, but there are also dot nets, dot orgs, dot biz, dot infos and a host of others. In fact more than 500 new TLDs are being added to the internet right now, with another 500 in the pipeline.

And the dot com era has spawned an entirely new industry. These names are now traded like commodities, most worth a few bucks, but quite a number making it to 6 and 7 figures (that’s over $1million!).

So what happened to the symbolics.com name? It was eventually sold off for an undisclosed sum to a Dallas, Texas-based investor group in August 2009.

Like I said at the start, Happy Birthday Dot.com, the first thirty years have been good.

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Fasab’s Final Facts For 2014.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hi, and welcome to the final fact day for this year.

There is a mixture of random bits and pieces along with some seasonal offerings, so hopefully you will find something of interest.

Enjoy.

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Norwegian scientists have hypothesized

that Rudolph’s red nose

is probably the result of a parasitic infection

of his respiratory system.

(Oh boy!!!)

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In December 1843 Charles Dickens

published a little novella

about a grumpy old curmudgeon who

rediscovered the true meaning of Christmas

after being visited by three ghosts on Christmas Eve.

He called it ‘A Christmas Carol’ and

it was a resounding success,

so much so that in the succeeding 171 years

it has never been out of print

and has been made into many movies

and television shows.

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The skin of a polar bear

is actually black

which helps them to trap heat.

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Christmas has its roots in pagan festivals

such as Saturnalia (December 17-December 23),

the Kalends (January 1 – 5, the precursor to the

Twelve Days of Christmas),

and Deus Sol Invictus or

Birthday of the Unconquerable Sun (December 25).

The Christian church heartily disapproved

of such celebrations and co-opted

the pagans by declaring December 25

as Christ’s day of birth,

though there is no evidence

Christ was born on that day.

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In 1999, a single stroke of lightning

instantly killed a whole soccer team.

The eleven players were all between

twenty and thirty-five years old.

This freak accident happened during

a match held in the eastern province of Kasai, in Congo.

The strangest thing of all, however,

was that the players from the home team

came out of this tragedy unscathed.

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In some of the Greek islands,

instead of a piling their

presents under a Christmas tree,

many families still put their gifts

in a wooden fishing boat

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YouTube can be found in sixty-one countries

and across sixty-one languages,

with almost 75 percent of its users

living outside the US.

It’s estimated that more than 1 billion users

use YouTube each month

mainly for entertainment.

According to Alexa rankings

YouTube is the third biggest

(i.e., most powerful) website in the world

trailing behind only Google and Facebook

and ahead of online giants such as

Yahoo, eBay, Wikipedia, Amazon, and, PayPal.

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Each year more than 3 billion

Christmas cards are sent in the U.S. alone.

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Until the Lincoln Cathedral was

built in England in 1311,

the Great Pyramid of Giza

held the title for the

world´s tallest man-made structure.

It held the record for an incredible

and unparalleled 3871 years!

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According to data

analyzed from Facebook posts,

two weeks before Christmas is one of

the two most popular times

for couples to break up.

However, Christmas Day is the

least favorite day for breakups.

Contrary to popular belief,

suicide rates during the Christmas

holiday are low.

The highest rates are during the spring.

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Mickey Mouse on Mercury?

Measuring 105 kilometers across (65 miles),

a striking resemblance to Mickey Mouse

can be found on Mercury’s southern hemisphere.

It is attributed to an accumulation

of craters over a long period of time,

or else Mickey was originally a Mercurian!

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Christmas trees have been

sold in the U.S. since 1850.

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The demented Roman Emperor Caligula

once ordered his troops

to go to war with the sea.

He made troops return with

seashells as plunder of war

against Neptune.

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The British wear paper crowns

while they eat Christmas dinner.

The crowns are stored in a tube

called a “Christmas cracker.”

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George Frederick Handel’s

great Christmas oratorio,

“The Messiah”,

was first performed in 1742,

in Dublin.

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Apparently 5/3rds Of People Can’t Do Fractions.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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5/3rds? That’s almost half, isn’t it?

But never mind all that, today isn’t about mathematics, it’s about puns.

Enjoy or endure!

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Recently got myself a symphony orchestra but for some reason

all they eat is lemons and strawberry shortcake.

They’re called the Bittersweet Symphony.

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My brother just got his exam results

for his Double Equine Studies.

He got a G G.

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My friend’s wife started her job on a cruise ship last week.

I asked him, “How is she getting on?”

He replied, “I’m not sure, I think they use a crane.”

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Did you hear about the two clams

who went out on a cheap date?

They were just being shellfish.

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Two geologists were staring

at a huge fissure in a cliff face

and one was overheard to say

‘It’s not my fault’.

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I once tried telling a joke about bad postmen,

the delivery was all wrong.

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When an actress saw her first strands of

gray hair she thought she’d dye.

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Paddy took two stuffed dogs he had

on to the Antiques Road Show

“Ooooh,” says the presenter.

“This is a very rare breed.”

“Do you have any idea what they’d fetch

if they were in good condition?”

“I dunno.” says Paddy.

“Sticks?”

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My doctor reckons I’m paranoid.

He didn’t say it,

but I know he’s thinking it.

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An elderly man with Alzheimer’s walks into a bar

and sees a rather tasty elderly woman.

He walks over and sits beside her and says,

“Do I come here often?”

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It’s really difficult to find what you want on eBay.

I was searching for cigarette lighters

and found over 15,000 matches.

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Scientist:

“My findings are pointless when taken out of context.”

Media:

“Scientist claims ‘findings are pointless’.”

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My friend was sacked yesterday

for sexual harassment.

No one understands why,

he was always hard at work.

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My friend just told me he saw a midget climbing

over the wall of the prison on a bed sheet.

I told him he was a little con descending.

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So the young teenage girl says to her mother,

“I think I’m pregnant.”

“What?” exclaims the mother.

“But we had a talk about this.”

“I told you if a boy touches your breast you are to say ‘STOP’

and if he tries to touch you down there your are to say ‘DON’T’.”

“But Mom,” the girl replies.

“He touched them both at the same time.”

“And I shouted ‘DON’T’  ‘STOP’.”

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They Say Pride Goes Before A Fall

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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So, if pride goes before a fall, what goes before a CRASH?

Well, in terms of the pathetic Obamacare web site, the usual form of words from the Obama Administration is

“…the site was fully-functioning for a “vast majority” of users.”

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CRASH!

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It happened again last week, early Friday afternoon in fact, as millions of Americans tried to get insurance coverage before the deadline.

I don’t know where they got the information that the site was functioning for the “vast majority of users”.

Well, I do actually. It was a lie. Another one.

In fact the healthcare.gov is not fully-functioning for anyone. On the positive side I suppose you could say that everyone has an equal chance of not being able to use the web site, but that is small comfort to those trying to do so.

And this is just the latest CRASH of many. Last November there was another major one. They “fixed” it, except of course they didn’t, they just got it working for a while, until it toppled over again.

Left in the hands of idiot bureaucrats who clearly have no idea what they are doing, no system can work efficiently. They choose bad designers, who use bad code, produce a bad product, and then are amazed and surprised when it doesn’t work.

There are tens of thousands of commercial web sites, like Google, Amazon, Ebay, Microsoft, even Wikipedia, that take much higher traffic every day without crashing – and they’ve been doing it for years.

Yet the bureaucratic bunglers can’t get their web site working for more than a few weeks at a time.

About all they got right was the timing of the CRASH.

No, wait, they even got that wrong, because the whole debacle happened less than two hours before President Obama had a scheduled press conference, helping to push his approval rating more and more in the negative direction.

But fear not, as millions of his citizens now find themselves stressed and worrying because they have no insurance – due to no fault of their own –  their leader will have a solution.

I don’t know what it is, but the odds are in favor of another vacation, possibly in Hawaii – but definitely fully insured!

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CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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In the dark ages before the inter web and things like Ebay and CraigsList  newspaper classified ads used to be the way to try to raise a bit of extra cash by selling off things you didn’t need, or to advertise for things you wanted. They still exist although not nearly so popular as they used to be.

As with Ebay etc., you can find almost everything advertised in them, even the oddest things that either give you a ‘WTF’ moment or just make you laugh – sometimes both.  

Here is a short selection for your enjoyment.

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