Stonehenge Rocks!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yeah, Stonehenge rocks!

So does Pun Day!!

As always….

Enjoy or endure!!!

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Deaf people are lip reading as we speak.

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In school, my teacher asked me if I

had any of my own maths equipment.

“I have a broken abacus,” I replied.

She said, “That doesn’t count.”

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I’m a puppeteer –

I had to pull a lot of strings to get the job.

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My friend happily announced recently that,

after 18 months of hard work and determination,

he had lost over 130 pounds of unhealthy useless fat.

He divorced her.

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Want to pull a Jewish girl?

Just show them some interest.

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A woman walks up to a handsome man

in a nightclub and shouts, “Fat penguin!”

“Pardon?” he says, looking bemused.

“Sorry,” she replies. “I was just trying to

think of something that would break the ice.”

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Being unemployed definitely has its benefits.

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I always get chutney and pickle mixed up.

It makes me chuckle.

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My mate asked if I wanted to

play electric shock monopoly.

I jumped at the chance.

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Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.

The doctor says I’m OK,

but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

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My mum always said, “

Never use two words when one will do.”

Why didn’t she just say,

“Avoid verbosity”?

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I love blondes, but I was gutted to come

home from work to find my girlfriend

had dyed her hair brunette.

It’s just not fair.

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Protesters at the recent G20 conference

were holding up huge signs saying

‘Capitalism Isn’t Working’.

A friend of mine turned to me and said,

“Surely that’s wrong.

Surely ‘Capitalism Is Working’.”

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My English teacher told me that it’s impossible

to take two completely different words out of context

and use them to create a coherent sentence.

Wheel sea.

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Friends of my wife and I, recently bought a farm,

and decided to invite us to a House warming party.

I asked my wife, “What shall we get them for a present?”

“How about this long length of rope with bucket attached?” she replied.

“Yes,” I agreed. “I am sure that will go down well.”

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It’s The Jokes You Love To Hate!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
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What better way to begin November than with another selection of those jokes that we just love to hate?

Okay,okay, I’m sure there are a lot better ways, but these will have to do for now.

Enjoy!

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I used to do rock climbing as a youth, but I was much boulder back then.

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He said I was average – but I thought he was just being mean.

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It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

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When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon, they gave him the cold shoulder.

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What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

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I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.

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I get my large circumference from too much pi.

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Alcohol and calculus don’t mix so don’t drink and derive.

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It’s better to love a short girl than not a tall.

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Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.
The doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

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When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent.

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A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering.

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Is a cardboard belt just a waist of paper?

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A friend told me he dug a hole in my backyard and filled it with water.
I thought he meant well.

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The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn’t the sole owner
– there were strings attached.

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Math teachers have lots of problems.

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I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn’t help me.

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For a while, Houdini used a lot of trap doors in his act,
but he was just going through a stage.

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He didn’t tell his mother that he ate some glue.
His lips were sealed.

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It’s a fact, taller people sleep longer in bed.

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