What You Seize Is What You Get.

Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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And what you get today is more word play, otherwise known as puns.

Enjoy or endure!

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It was a big mistake I made, when I dared to be different.

I’ve never been the same since.

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My girlfriend and I write all our love letters in pencil.

We have a no-pen relationship.

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I could demonstrate to you how easily my new

drill goes through human flesh and bone…

But I don’t want to bore you.

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You have to question the modus operandi of

people who use Latin for no reason.

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When my friend’s enormous wife was rushed to A&E with

chest pains the doctor examined her

and said she needed a bypass.

He asked,

“Isn’t that a bit extreme, doctor?”

The Doc replied,

“Maybe, but she’s blocking other patients from getting into the hospital.”

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My plan to make money by using discarded feathers

to make soft furnishings has ended in disaster.

I can’t fill anything from the waste down

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A worker has fallen in to a large vat of melted butter at a dairy factory.

His condition has yet to be clarified.

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What do you call it when a bunch of women

dress up in saris before a wedding?

A hendu.

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A man applied for a job as a gynecologist the other day.

Unfortunately he was not qualified so he didn’t get a look in.

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Can anyone recommend something

I can use in loo of toilet paper?

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I just started my new job at a leaf disposal company.

I’ve been raking it in.

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I had to send in a duplicate application to get a job making retro cars at Citroen.

They needed 2 CVs.

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I’ve just watched a video of lions being fed at Copenhagen Zoo.

It was very giraffic.

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I once met a really stupid bloke on a Greek island.

He was a Cretan.

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If I could take Abba out to lunch

I would, my friend, for Nandos.

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Raw toast is an ideal bread substitute.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Word play day, or more puns if you like that description better.

Endure or enjoy, preferably the latter!

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“Let’s order some Chinese.”

“To do what?”

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I remember in 1995 when I went to an Oasis gig with my sister and my brother.

When the band came on stage I shouted, “Go Oasis.”

I never saw my sister after that.

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If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

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I went into the hardware store and said,

“These shelves you sold me are useless. I couldn’t even…”

The cashier said, “Put ’em up?”

I said, “Okay, you wanna fight about it? Come on then!”

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I was taking some notes the other day,

when I was arrested and escorted from the bank.

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I’ve just started a new job at the local slaughterhouse, stunning cows.

…And some of the sheep are pretty good looking too.

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Did you hear about the neo Nazi builder?

He liked to drill with the bosch.

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As I stood on the tube this morning I thought to myself,

“My pringles are getting crushed”

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My Pokemon card collection was destroyed in a fire.

I’ve only got Ash now.

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I was perfectly happy in Mississippi,

Then Mr Sippi came back early from his business trip.

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I love watching videos of lakes and rivers on the internet.

I’m viewing a live stream right now.

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My friend said he met a prostitute who connected a battery charger to his bits.

I said, “Woweee, how much did she charge you?”

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Two pencils decided to have a race.

They drew.

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My friend said he’s going to set a new standard in pubs

by opening one on the top of a mountain.

Personally, I think he’s raised the bar too high.

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Tattoos are great for preserving memories,

otherwise I would have totally forgotten about those anchors.

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