Does The Name Pavlov Ring A Bell?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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What would Thursdays be without a few puns?

Well, yes, okay it would still be Thursday, but a lot less enjoyable.

So what are you waiting for?

I’m sure you are already salivating at the prospect.

Enjoy!

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My desire to be a dermatologist was only skin deep.

I knew I was destined for osteology.

I could feel it in my bones.

dancing-skeleton-clipart

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There’s been a break in at a local puzzle factory.

Authorities are still trying to piece things together.

puzzle factory logo

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The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

dead-batteries-batteries-free-of-charge-pun

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The hardest time in a man’s life

is between puberty and impotence.

puberty-impotence

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I used to think I was trapped in a woman’s body…

Then I was born.

crying-baby-cartoon

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Never hit a man with glasses.

Hit him with a baseball bat.

baseball bat

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I did some DIY with my step-ladder the other night.

I never really got along with my real ladder.

step ladder

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My Uncle had his tongue shot off during World War II.

He doesn’t talk about it, though.

gagged

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Some people like Pachyderms.

But I find them irrelephant

Pachyderm

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My wife left me because of my obsession with sporting puns.

its a shame really because i wanted to discus it.

discus

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I went to the dentist the other day and he told me that he was sick of hearing puns about his job.

So I told him ‘I had a filling you were going to say that’

I had a filling

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I would prefer it if there were Fuhrer puns about the Nazis, thanks very much.

invasion pun

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Did you hear about the transvestite blues singer?

He woke up one morning and he had the blouse.

the-blues-singer

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I hate when people try to use the word infinity just to be clever.

It annoys me to no end.

infinity

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A Man Walked Into A Hardware Store….

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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In case today’s title was a little bit obscure for you, it’s pun day again.

Yes even more of those bad jokes and word plays.

Enjoy!

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A man walked into a hardware store and picked up a can of fly spray.

“Is this good for wasps?” he asked the assistant.

“No, it kills them,” was the reply.

hardware store

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My Doctor told me I’m a Paranoid Schizophrenic.

We think he’s out to get us

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I went into the pharmacy last week and said to the woman behind the counter, “Packet of three, please, Miss.”

“Don’t you Miss me, young man,” she replied.

I said, “Okay, better make that four then!”

pharmacy

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I used to go out with a midget but we broke up.

We just couldn’t see eye to eye.

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I went to the missing persons bureau,

but there was no-one there.

missing persons bureau

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Four fonts walk into a bar

The barman says, “Oi – get out! We don’t want your type in here.”

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Why do they call it ‘raw’ sewage?

Is someone somewhere cooking it?

cartoon-chef

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I am very much into DIY.

Every time the wife asks me to do anything, I say, “do it yourself.”

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Ted Kennedy got told off for not opening the door for his girlfriend when he was on a date.

Instead he just swam to the surface.

kennedy_cartoon

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Computers are like air conditioners.

They work fine until you start opening windows.

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Food has supplanted sex as the main driving force in my life

– now I can’t even get into my own pants.

pants

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I had a horrible childhood.

My father was a Pontoon dealer in Vegas,

that’s why he used to hit me till I was 21

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I conducted an orchestra the other day.

It’s more fun than you can shake a stick at.

Conductor

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They say being a hostage is difficult…

…But I could do that with my hands tied behind my back.

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What’s got four legs and goes “boo”?

A cow with a cold.

cartoon-cow

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The Interstate was blocked for an hour yesterday

after a car driven by a hunchback crashed into a car driven by a bearded lady.

Police are describing it as a freak accident.

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Bloody feminists.

They should all be put behind bras.

comic_feministbraburnings

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What kind of bees make milk?

Boobies!

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