Stonehenge Rocks!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yeah, Stonehenge rocks!

So does Pun Day!!

As always….

Enjoy or endure!!!

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rofl

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Deaf people are lip reading as we speak.

lip-reading

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In school, my teacher asked me if I

had any of my own maths equipment.

“I have a broken abacus,” I replied.

She said, “That doesn’t count.”

abacus

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I’m a puppeteer –

I had to pull a lot of strings to get the job.

puppeteer

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My friend happily announced recently that,

after 18 months of hard work and determination,

he had lost over 130 pounds of unhealthy useless fat.

He divorced her.

fattyfatbutt

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Want to pull a Jewish girl?

Just show them some interest.

Jewish girl

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A woman walks up to a handsome man

in a nightclub and shouts, “Fat penguin!”

“Pardon?” he says, looking bemused.

“Sorry,” she replies. “I was just trying to

think of something that would break the ice.”

cartoon Fat penguin

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Being unemployed definitely has its benefits.

unemployment benefit

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I always get chutney and pickle mixed up.

It makes me chuckle.

redbellpepperchutney

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My mate asked if I wanted to

play electric shock monopoly.

I jumped at the chance.

monopoly

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Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.

The doctor says I’m OK,

but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

food coloring

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My mum always said,

Never use two words when one will do.”

Why didn’t she just say,

“Avoid verbosity”?

mother talking to child

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I love blondes, but I was gutted to come

home from work to find my girlfriend

had dyed her hair brunette.

It’s just not fair.

brunette

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Protesters at the recent G20 conference

were holding up huge signs saying

‘Capitalism Isn’t Working’.

A friend of mine turned to me and said,

“Surely that’s wrong.

Surely ‘Capitalism Is Working’.”

Capitalism Isn't Working

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My English teacher told me that it’s impossible

to take two completely different words out of context

and use them to create a coherent sentence.

Wheel sea.

English teacher

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Friends of my wife and I, recently bought a farm,

and decided to invite us to a House warming party.

I asked my wife, “What shall we get them for a present?”

“How about this long length of rope with bucket attached?” she replied.

“Yes,” I agreed. “I am sure that will go down well.”

well bucket and rope

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Fasab’s Mammoth End Of The Year Quiz!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”  

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If you are anything like me, sometimes you’ll have trouble remembering what you were doing yesterday, let alone what happened several months ago.

If so, this quiz should be a bit of a challenge.

There aren’t any difficult or trick questions. The answers are all events that happened during the year 2013 and all were reported widely at the time they happened on the television, radio, internet and newspapers.

Let’s see if you were paying attention and how much of it you can recall now.

As usual the answers can be found waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please, NO cheating!

Good luck, and enjoy.

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Fasab's Mammoth End Of Year Quiz 2013

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Q.  1:  What former resident of Robben Island died late this year?

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Q.  2:  What country landed a rover vehicle on the Moon in 2013? 

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Q.  3:  Who won the 2013 NBA Finals? (Bonus points for their opponents and for the score) 

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Q.  4:  In what country did terrorists attack a shopping mall killing 59 people and injuring 175? (Bonus point if you can also name the city.) 

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Q.  5:  What mobile phone company did Microsoft buy in 2013 for $7.2 billion? 

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Q.  6:  In 2013 what city had the winning bid to host the 2020 Olympic Games?

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Q.  7:  What major American city filed for bankruptcy during 2013? 

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Q.  8:  What former British Prime Minister died during 2013 at the age of 87? 

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Q.  9:  A huge tornado hit which American city in 2013 causing massive devastation? 

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Q. 10:  What internet social media company did Yahoo buy for $1.1 billion during 2013? 

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Q. 11:  A factory collapsed in which Asian country killing over 700 people? 

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Q. 12:  Terrorists attacked a marathon race in which city during 2013? 

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Q. 13:  2013 saw which country become the first to make plans to tax bank deposits?

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Q. 14:  In what country in 2013 did meteorites injured hundreds of people? 

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Q. 15:  What world leader announced a shock resignation during 2013? 

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Q. 16:  A fire in a nightclub killed about 230 people in what country?

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Q. 17:  Which soccer player won the 2013 FIFA Ballon d’Or for the third consecutive year? 

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Q. 18:  130 wildfires across the east coast of which country forced thousands to evacuate their homes? 

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Q. 19:  In 2013 which of the world’s major cities was declared to have air pollution levels that are hazardous to human health?

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Q. 20:  Calcium deposits were discovered on what planet by NASA’s Curiosity Rover?  

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Q. 21:  What country unveils plans to build the world’s largest wind farm near the site of a former nuclear reactor plant? 

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Q. 22:  Who succeeded Hillary Rodham Clinton as the United States Secretary of State during 2013? 

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Q. 23:  Who won Super Bowl XLVII? (Bonus points for their opponents and for the score.)  

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Q. 24:  Where did a massive blizzard result in 15 deaths, 5,300 cancelled flights, and loss of power for 900,000 people during 2013?  

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Q. 25:  Which country confirmed that it had successfully tested a nuclear device that could be weaponized and also declared war on its neighboring state?   

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Q. 26:  $50 million worth of diamonds were stolen in an armed robbery at an airport in which European city? 

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Q. 27:  Who was elected to a second term as the President of Cuba? 

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Q. 28:  Who won the 2013 Daytona 500? 

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Q. 29:  Who in 2013 became the first male Monarch of Netherlands in 123 years?  

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Q. 30:  In 2013 what company announced a $17 billion bond offering, the largest ever from a private company? 

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Q. 31:  Who won the 77th Golf Masters Championship?

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Q. 32:  What bunch of politicians passed a bill intending to enable the taxing of online sales? 

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Q. 33:  Who announced his retirement as Manchester United’s manager at the end of the 2012-2013 soccer season?

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Q. 34:  Who regained his position in 2013 as the world’s richest man with an estimated fortune of $72.7 Billion? 

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Q. 35:  What country won the 2013 World Ice Hockey Championship? (Bonus point if you know who they beat.)  

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Q. 36:  Which world leader announced his divorce with his wife on national TV in June 2013? 

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Q. 37:  Which golfer won the 113th US Open in 2013? 

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Q. 38:  Which Middle Eastern President is deposed in a military coup during 2013? 

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Q. 39:  €103 million of diamonds is stolen from the Carton Intercontinental Hotel in which well known festive French city?  

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Q. 40:  Who became Prime Minister of Australia in September 2013, after a Liberal-National Coalitions wins the election?  

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Q. 41:  Who won the 2013 US Tennis Open? 

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Q. 42:  What country switched off its last working nuclear reactor in 2013?

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Q. 43:  What was the largest company by revenue on the 2013 Fortune 500 list?    

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Q. 44:  12 people were killed after a gunman opens fire at a naval yard in what major American city? 

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Q. 45:  Who became the first British man to win a Wimbledon tennis title since 1936? 

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Q. 46:  What computer/console game became the fastest entertainment product to reach $1 billion in sales during 2013? 

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Q. 47:  Who set a new MLB record with 24 Grand Slam home runs for the New York Yankees? 

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Q. 48:  Who won a third term with their best result since 1990 in German Federal elections? (A point each for the name of the Party and it’s leader.)

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Q. 49:  Who is named PGA Tour’s player of the year for the 11th time? 

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Q. 50:  It was perhaps the biggest joke of the year and started in the United States on October 1st and ended on October 16th – what was it? 

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  What former resident of Robben Island died late this year?

A.  1:  Nelson Mandela

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Q.  2:  What country landed a rover vehicle on the Moon in 2013? 

A.  2:  China.

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Q.  3:  Who won the 2013 NBA Finals? (Bonus points for their opponents and for the score) 

A.  3:  Miami Heat, beating San Antonio Spurs 4-3.

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Q.  4:  In what country did terrorists attack a shopping mall killing 59 people and injuring 175? (Bonus point if you can also name the city.) 

A.  4:  Nairobi, Kenya.

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Q.  5:  What mobile phone company did Microsoft buy in 2013 for $7.2 billion? 

A.  5:  Nokia.

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Q.  6:  In 2013 what city had the winning bid to host the 2020 Olympic Games?

A.  6:  Tokyo, Japan.

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Q.  7:  What major American city filed for bankruptcy during 2013? 

A.  7:  Detroit.

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Q.  8:  What former British Prime Minister died during 2013 at the age of 87? 

A.  8:  Margaret Thatcher.

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Q.  9:  A huge tornado hits which American city causing massive devastation? 

A.  9:  Oklahoma.

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Q. 10:  What internet social media company did Yahoo buy for $1.1 billion during 2013? 

A. 10:  Tumblr.

.

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Q. 11:  A factory collapsed in which Asian country killing over 700 people? 

A. 11:  Bangladesh.

.

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Q. 12:  Terrorists attacked a marathon race in which city during 2013? 

A. 12:  Boston.

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Q. 13:  2013 saw which country become the first to make plans to tax bank deposits?

A. 13:  Cyprus.

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Q. 14:  In what country in 2013 did meteorites injured hundreds of people? 

A. 14:  Russia.

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Q. 15:  What world leader announced a shock resignation during 2013? 

A. 15:  Pope Benedict XVI.

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Q. 16:  A fire in a nightclub killed about 230 people in what country?

A. 16:  Brazil.

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Q. 17:  Which soccer player won the 2013 FIFA Ballon d’Or for the third consecutive year? 

A. 17:  Lionel Messi.

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Q. 18:  130 wildfires across the east coast of which country forced thousands to evacuate their homes? 

A. 18:  Australia.

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Q. 19:  In 2013 which of the world’s major cities was declared to have air pollution levels that are hazardous to human health?

A. 19:  Beijing, China.

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Q. 20:  Calcium deposits were discovered on what planet by NASA’s Curiosity Rover?  

A. 20:  Mars.

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Q. 21:  What country unveils plans to build the world’s largest wind farm near the site of a former nuclear reactor plant? 

A. 21:  Japan, near the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant.

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Q. 22:  Who succeeded Hillary Rodham Clinton as the United States Secretary of State during 2013? 

A. 22:  John Kerry.

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Q. 23:  Who won Super Bowl XLVII? (Bonus points for their opponents and for the score.)  

A. 23:  The Baltimore Ravens beat the San Francisco 49ers by 34–31.

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Q. 24:  Where did a massive blizzard result in 15 deaths, 5,300 cancelled flights, and loss of power for 900,000 people during 2013?  

A. 24:  In the US and Canada.

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Q. 25:  Which country confirmed that it had successfully tested a nuclear device that could be weaponized and also declared war on its neighboring state?  

A. 25:  North Korea.

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Q. 26:  $50 million worth of diamonds were stolen in an armed robbery at an airport in which European city? 

A. 26:  Brussels, Belgium.

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Q. 27:  Who was elected to a second term as the President of Cuba? 

A. 27:  Raúl Castro.

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Q. 28:  Who won the 2013 Daytona 500? 

A. 28:  Jimmie Johnson.

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Q. 29:  Who in 2013 became the first male Monarch of Netherlands in 123 years?  

A. 29:  Willem-Alexander.

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Q. 30:  In 2013 what company announced a $17 billion bond offering, the largest ever from a private company? 

A. 30:  Apple.

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Q. 31:  Who won the 77th Golf Masters Championship?

A. 31:  Adam Scott.

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Q. 32:  What bunch of politicians passed a bill intending to enable the taxing of online sales? 

A. 32:  The US Senate.

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Q. 33:  Who announced his retirement as Manchester United’s manager at the end of the 2012-2013 soccer season?

A. 33:  Sir Alex Ferguson.

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Q. 34:  Who regained his position in 2013 as the world’s richest man with an estimated fortune of $72.7 Billion? 

A. 34:  Bill Gates.

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Q. 35:  What country won the 2013 World Ice Hockey Championship? (Bonus point if you know who they beat.)  

A. 35:  Sweden, beating Switzerland.

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Q. 36:  Which world leader announced his divorce with his wife on national TV in June 2013? 

A. 36:  Russian President Vladimir Putin.

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Q. 37:  Which golfer won the 113th US Open in 2013? 

A. 37:  Justin Rose.

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Q. 38:  Which Middle Eastern President is deposed in a military coup during 2013? 

A. 38:  Egypt’s president, Mohammed Morsi.

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Q. 39:  €103 million of diamonds is stolen from the Carton Intercontinental Hotel in which well known festive French city?  

A. 39:  Cannes, France.

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Q. 40:  Who became Prime Minister of Australia in September 2013, after a Liberal-National Coalitions wins the election?  

A. 40:  Tony Abbott.

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Q. 41:  Who won the 2013 US Tennis Open? 

A. 41:  Rafael Nadal, beating Novak Djokovic.

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Q. 42:  What country switched off its last working nuclear reactor in 2013?

A. 42:  Japan.

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Q. 43:  What was the largest company by revenue on the 2013 Fortune 500 list?    

A. 43:  Wal-Mart.

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Q. 44:  12 people were killed after a gunman opens fire at a naval yard in what major American city? 

A. 44:  Washington DC.

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Q. 45:  Who became the first British man to win a Wimbledon tennis title since 1936? 

A. 45:  Andy Murray,  beating Novak Djokovic.

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Q. 46:  What computer/console game became the fastest entertainment product to reach $1 Billion in sales during 2013? 

A. 46:  Grand Theft Auto.

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Q. 47:  Who set a new MLB record with 24 Grand Slam home runs for the New York Yankees? 

A. 47:  Alex Rodriquez.

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Q. 48:  Who won a third term with their best result since 1990 in German Federal elections? (A point each for the name of the Party and it’s leader.)

A. 48:  The Christian Democrats, led by Angela Merkel.

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Q. 49:  Who is named PGA Tour’s player of the year for the 11th time? 

A. 49:  Tiger Woods.

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Q. 50:  It was perhaps the biggest joke of the year and started in the United States on October 1st and ended on October 16th – what was it? 

A. 50:  The Federal Government shutdown as a result of politicians squabbling over spending.

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Did You Know – More Facts For Fun.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to another selection of fasab’s facts for fun.

A more than random list of unusual facts that may come in handy some day. I wouldn’t count on it, but you never know. It has happened believe it or not!

So read on and enjoy.

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did you know4

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The only U.S. president to have been the head of a union

was Ronald Reagan,

a former president of the Screen Actors Guild.

Ronald Reagan at his desk

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Just proving that not everybody is all bad,

“Pretty Boy” Floyd, one of America’s most notorious bank robbers,

was known for destroying mortgage papers,

consequently freeing hundreds of people from property debt.

gangster-pretty-boy-floyd-tote-bag

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A man in China has kept himself alive with

a homemade dialysis machine for 13 years.

Home made dialysis machine

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Divorce is legal in every nation in the world

except in the Philippines and in Vatican City.

divorce_pic1

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In 1755 Benjamin Franklin organized the first

regular monthly mail packet service

between Falmouth, England, and New York,

and opened the first official post office in Canada

(in Halifax, Nova Scotia), to link Halifax with

the Atlantic colonies and the packet service to England.

Benjamin Franklin

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About half the geysers on Earth

are located in Yellowstone National Park.

Old_Faithful_13

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Your brain makes imaginary monsters when you stare in a mirror.

(Either that or you don’t look as good as you thought!)

cat and mirror

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While most of it lies in Africa,

a small part of Egypt is located in Asia, as well.

Egypt_map

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The White House has a variety of recreational facilities

available to its residents, including a tennis court, a jogging track,

swimming pool, movie theater, billiard room, and a bowling lane.

white-house

Click here to take an interactive tour

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The Australian $5 to $100 notes are made of plastic.

aussie-money

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A skunk’s smell can be detected by a human a mile away.

Skunk-in-Grass

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The poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s wife died

when a dropped match ignited her enormous hoop skirt.

fanny-wadsworth

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Alabama was the first state to

recognize Christmas as an official holiday.

Alabama Christmas

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If your eyes are six feet above the surface of the ocean,

the horizon will be about three statute miles away.

hopes_on_the_horizon

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The longest freshwater shoreline in the world

is located in the state of Michigan.

Michigan shoreline

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Carbon monoxide is deadly.

It can kill a person in less than 15 minutes

carbon-monoxide-gas-safety

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In 1876, the first microphone was invented by Emile Berliner.

emile_berliner

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When Nadia Comaneci became the first gymnast

to score a perfect 10, the scoreboard wasn’t prepared.

Her score was reported as “1.00.”

Comaneci-1976

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The accent that Mike Myers used for the character Shrek

came from the accent that his mother would use

when she was telling him bedtime stories when he was a child.

Shrek_fierce

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Johnny Cash’s “A Boy Named Sue” was written by Shel Silverstein.

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Did They Really Mean To Say That? – Newspaper Headline Nightmares, Part Seventeen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Maybe the last in this series of newspaper headline nightmares – for the moment. They’ve had a long run, buy I hope an entertaining one.

So enjoy this latest batch.

Who knows what will happen next week!

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np_weiner1

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np_whoops

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np_whydoIhear

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np_wmandmary

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np_womensdiseases

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np_worldbank

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np_wrestlersmellstitle

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np04

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np05

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np11

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np_thinkofaheadline

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And finally, a correction

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np09

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More Moron Madness For Monday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Crikey! Not only has another Monday arrived with us but now we’re into September, summer is winding down and Autumn beginning. Personally I prefer the Spring time when everything is coming back to life rather than shutting down, but we have to take what we get.

Hope another selection from the quiz show answers archive helps your mood for the beginning of another week.

Enjoy.

 

 

Q: Name a seafood that comes in a can, besides tuna   

A: Albacore

A: Chicken of the Sea   

 

 

Q: Name something worn only by children         

A: Clothes        

 

 

Q: The birthday that men dread the most           

A: Their wife’s  

 

 

Q: An activity that is both healthy and fun          

A: Sex

 

 

Q: Name a kind of bank that doesn’t deal with money    

A: Sperm         

 

 

Q: An attraction you see in every parade           

A: Merry-go-round         

 

 

Q: Name something you put in empty coffee cans         

A: Spaghetti

 

 

Q: Name a reason you might stay inside on a beautiful day        

A: It’s raining    

 

 

Q: Name a children’s story about an animal       

A: David and Goliath     

 

 

Q: Name a famous woman you wouldn’t want to see wearing a thong     

A: Sally the hippo         

 

 

Q: Name something you hear at a New Year’s Eve party 

A: Gunfire

A: A parade

 

 

Q: Name a farm animal that people have as a pet          

A: Turkey         

 

 

Q: Name something you rent for one day          

A: A stripper     

 

 

Q: An occupation where someone wears a robe at work 

A: Prostitute

 

 

Q: Name something you associate with the Dallas Cowboys      

A: Cowboy hats

 

 

Q: The most lovable breed of dog        

A: Kitten          

 

 

Q: Name something associated with Cuba         

A: It’s in South America

 

 

Q: Name a character from the movie Aladdin     

A: Jihad

 

 

Q: Name a Jewish person that had a great impact on society     

A: Mussolini     

 

 

Q: Name a movie with the word “King” in it         

A: King Dracula

 

 

Q: Name a measurement of time           

A: Watch

 

 

Q: One thing people do to imitate a dog when playing charades 

A: Lift their leg  

 

 

Q: An appliance you should definitely keep your fingers out of  

A: Dishwasher  

 

 

Q: Name something you think that all drivers, except you, should get a ticket for doing   

A: Driving on the median           

 

 

Q: An animal that starts with the letter A 

A: Arachnophobia

 

 

Q: Somewhere a man might go after he gets divorced   

A: Go buy a car

 

 

Q: Name something celebrities might be embarrassed to endorse on a commercial         

A: Name a douche        

 

 

Q: An occupation whose members must get tired of smiling       

A: Game show host      

 

 

Q: An Olympic sport starting with ‘S’     

A: Skydiving     

 

 

Q: Name something that might be a pizza topping in a horror movie       

A: Feces

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