Today is the fourth Thursday of November and also the last Thursday in November so whether you think Lincoln was right or Roosevelt was right, it still Thanksgiving Day in the USA.
To everyone who participates, enjoy the family holiday, eat too much and drink too much.
Last year I did what turned out to be a very popular post called “I Had To Post A Few Turkey Puns Today, Of Course They Are Fowl” ( Click here if you would like to read it.) And this year I’ve done it again.
So here are some more really bad jokes.
Enjoy or endure.
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Thanksgiving,
the time of year when turkeys
fatten Americans up for Christmas!
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Why didn’t the Pilgrim want to make the stuffing?
Because it’s such a crummy job!
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What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him.
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What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
Plymouth Rock, of course!
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What would you get if you crossed
a turkey with a baked fruit dessert?
A peach gobbler!
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What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
The turkey trot
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What does a Turkey drink wine in?
In a gobble-let
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What did baby corn say to mama corn?
Where’s popcorn?
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Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk?
To try to hatchet!
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Teacher: “What did the Indians bring
to the first Thanksgiving?”
Student: “Baseballs.”
Teacher: “Baseballs?”
Student: “Yeah,
they were Cleveland Indians!”
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Who is the turkey’s favorite movie star?
Gregory Peck.
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If you divide the circumference
of a pumpkin by its diameter
Do you end up with
Pumpkin pi?
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Can a turkey jump higher than
the Empire State Building?
Yes of course it can
– a building can’t jump at all.
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Why did the pilgrim’s pants keep falling down?
Because his buckle was on his hat!
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And finally,
instead of talking turkey,
let’s hear someone sing turkey instead.
Take it away Dickie Stickhead
(Phew, you have to be careful how you say that name!)
Some difficult ones, some easy ones, and one or two that you should know but might not.
As usual if you get stuck you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please, NO cheating!
Enjoy and good luck.
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Q. 1: Take a quarter, multiply it by a dime, divide that total by 2 bits and add 3 nickles, and what have you got?
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Q. 2: Name the top three cork-producing countries in the world. (And take a point for each correct answer.)
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Q. 3: You’ve seen it thousands of times, but why was the dollar symbol ($) designed this way?
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Q. 4: What was the name of the physician who set the leg of Lincoln’s assassin John Wilkes Booth? (A point for his last name, a bonus if you know his first name as well.)
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Q. 5: Where in North America is the largest water clock?
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Q. 6: What is the only letter in the alphabet that has more than one syllable?
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Q. 7: There are six words in the English language with the letter combination “uu.” Two of them you have probably heard of, the rest are more obscure, but you get a point for each one you can name correctly.
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Q. 8: Who are the only three angels mentioned by name in the Bible? (A point for each correct answer.)
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Q. 9: What do you call the little hole in the sink that lets the water drain out, instead of flowing over the side?
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Q. 10: Why has the Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, twice as many bathrooms as is necessary?
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Q. 11: What are residents of the island of Crete called? (If you spell this wrong it will be very stupid.)
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Q. 12: And, what are residents of the island of Lesbos called?
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Q. 13: Who was the only American president to be wounded in the Civil War?
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Q. 14: If you add up the numbers 1-100 consecutively (1+2+3+4+5 etc) what is the total?
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Q. 15: Where were Venetian blinds invented?
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Q. 16: What is the southern most city in the United States?
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Q. 17: Everyone thinks that a ‘qwerty’ computer keyboard is just the same as a typewriter keyboard, but it isn’t. What is missing from the typewriter keyboard that is always on a computer keyboard?
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Q. 18: Where do Panama hats come from?
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Q. 19: How many ‘Die Hard’ movies have there been – so far? (Bonus points for each one you can name correctly. Double bonus if you know the years.)
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Q. 20: What was the first video ever played on MTV Europe?
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ANSWERS
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Q. 1: Take a quarter, multiply it by a dime, divide that total by 2 bits and add 3 nickles, and what have you got?
A. 1: Answer = 25 (25 x 10) / (2 x 12.5) + (3 x 5) = 25
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Q. 2: Name the top three cork-producing countries in the world. (And take a point for each correct answer.)
A. 2: The top three cork-producing countries are Spain, Portugal and Algeria.
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Q. 3: You’ve seen it thousands of times, but why was the dollar symbol ($) designed this way?
A. 3: The dollar symbol ($) is a U combined with an S (U.S.)
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Q. 4: What was the name of the physician who set the leg of Lincoln’s assassin John Wilkes Booth? (A point for his last name, a bonus if you know his first name as well.)
A. 4: Dr. Samuel A. Mudd was the physician who set the leg of Lincoln’s assassin John Wilkes Booth … and whose shame created the expression for ignominy, “His name is Mudd.”
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Q. 5: Where in North America is the largest water clock?
A. 5: The largest water clock in North America is at the shopping mall in Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada.
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Q. 6: What is the only letter in the alphabet that has more than one syllable?
A. 6: ‘W’ is the only letter in the alphabet that has more than one syllable… it has three.
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Q. 7: There are six words in the English language with the letter combination “uu.” Two of them you have probably heard of, the rest are more obscure, but you get a point for each one you can name correctly.
A. 7: The six words in the English language with the letter combination “uu” are: Muumuu, vacuum, continuum, duumvirate, duumvir and residuum.
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Q. 8: Who are the only three angels mentioned by name in the Bible? (A point for each correct answer.)
A. 8: The three angels mentioned by name in the Bible are Gabriel, Michael, and Lucifer.
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Q. 9: What do you call the little hole in the sink that lets the water drain out, instead of flowing over the side?
A. 9: The little hole in the sink that lets the water drain out, instead of flowing over the side, is called a “porcelator”.
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Q. 10: Why has the Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, twice as many bathrooms as is necessary?
A. 10: The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary because when it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.
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Q. 11: What are residents of the island of Crete called? (If you spell this wrong it will be very stupid.)
A. 11: They are called Cretans. (Deduct a point if you said Cretins!)
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Q. 12: And, what are residents of the island of Lesbos called?
A. 12: Residents of the island of Lesbos are Lesbosians, rather than Lesbians. (Of course, lesbians are called lesbians because Sappho was from Lesbos.)
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Q. 13: Who was the only American president to be wounded in the Civil War?
A. 13: Rutherford B. Hayes was the only president to be wounded in the Civil War — not once, but four times. Four horses were shot out from beneath him.
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Q. 14: If you add up the numbers 1-100 consecutively (1+2+3+4+5 etc) what is the total?
A. 14: If you add up the numbers 1-100 consecutively (1+2+3+4+5 etc) the total is 5050.
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Q. 15: Where were Venetian blinds invented?
A. 15: You’d think it should be Venice, but Venetian blinds were invented in Japan.
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Q. 16: What is the southern most city in the United States?
A. 16: The southern most city in the United States is Na’alehu, Hawaii.
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Q. 17: Everyone thinks that a ‘qwerty’ computer keyboard is just the same as a typewriter keyboard, but it isn’t. What is missing from the typewriter keyboard that is always on a computer keyboard?
A. 17: The back slash is missing. Before the age of computers, typewriters only had one type of slash, the forward slash (/). Even earlier versions hadn’t even got that! Bet you never even noticed.
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Q. 18: Where do Panama hats come from?
A. 18: Panama hats are made in Equador.
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Q. 19: How many ‘Die Hard’ movies have there been – so far? (Bonus points for each one you can name correctly. Double bonus if you know the years.)
A. 19: There have been five ‘Die Hard’ movies so far, ‘Die Hard’ (1988), ‘Die Hard 2’ (1990), ‘Die Hard with a Vengeance’ (1995), ‘Live Free or Die Hard’ (2007) and ‘A Good Day to Die Hard’ (2013).
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Q. 20: What was the first video ever played on MTV Europe?
A. 20: The first video ever played on MTV Europe was “Money For Nothing” by Dire Straits.
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