Old Professors Never Die. They Just Lose Their Faculties.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I probably should have said that they lose their faculties and end up as a pun.

In case you haven’t guessed it yet, today is another Pun Day.

So….

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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I call my house Lautrec

because it’s got two loos.

two loos

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Beauty is in the eye

of the beerholder.

Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder

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The UN. Bringing us all together

by ending conflicts around the world.

Peace by Peace.

The UN

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Turns out my ex girlfriend Big Amy

had a secret husband.

If only there had been some clue.

Big Amy

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Lawyers are like rhinoceroses:

thick-skinned, short-sighted

and always ready to charge.

rhinoceros

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Hey girls,

get yourself a Fisherman,

they’re reel men.

Fisherman

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How did I escape Iraq?

Iran

escape Iraq

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My Dermatological Clinic

just wished me Merry Eczemas.

Merry Eczemas

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My wife suggested I go for

acupuncture treatment to cure me

from making annoying timber puns.

I can’t see why that woodwork.

acupuncture treatment

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Let me correct you –

the London Underground

is not a political movement.

Lancaster_Gate_tube London Underground

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It’s ironic that discus isn’t a sport

that many people talk about.

discus

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The Lawn Tennis Association’s website

has a fault they are having

problems with their server.

the_-lawn_tennis_association

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Many Americans oppose any change

to The Second Amendment of the

United States Constitution.

They’re really sticking to their guns.

The Second Amendment

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I ordered a whole duck at the

Chinese restaurant last night!

It was great until I got to the bill.

whole duck at the Chinese

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Last night I dreamt I was

writing ‘Lord of the Rings’.

Turns out I was Tolkien in my sleep.

 Lord of the Rings

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First Fasab Quiz Of 2015.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hello and welcome to the first fasab quiz of 2015.

Twenty questions that cover history, geography, science, music and nature and maybe more.

Some of them are quite easy though, so don’t be alarmed.

And as always, if you get stuck, you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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Quiz_button 02

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Q.  1:  By what more common name are the 3rd Molars known?

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Q.  2:  What do snakes use their tongues for?

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Q.  3:  What is the diameter in meters, of the circle from which a discus is thrown?

            a)  1.5 meters                b)  2.5 meters                c)  3.5 meters

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Q.  4:  What disease is an infection of the intestine caused by drinking dirty water?

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Q.  5:  Which federal state consists of 26 Cantons?

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Q.  6:  What is 9 percent of 9?

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Q.  7:  What is the more common name for the chemical symbol ‘fe2o3’?

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Q.  8:  What are the only 2 mammals to lay eggs rather than give birth to live offspring? (You get a point for each correct answer and a bonus point if you get both correct.)

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Q.  9:  What killer disease very prevalent in past centuries was controlled by Jonas Salk’s vaccine?

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Q. 10:  What type of fuel do jet aircraft use?

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Q. 11:  How many minutes are there in a week?

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Q. 12:  Common Salt is a compound formed from 2 elements, one is sodium what is the other?

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Q. 13:  Which bird has ‘golden’, ‘silver’, ‘Lady Amherst’ and ‘argus’ varieties?

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Q. 14:  What alternative name is given to the River Thames as it passes through Oxford, a name that has been very prominent in the international news recently for a very different reason?

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Q. 15:  What is the second month of the year to have exactly 30 days?

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Q. 16:  What kind of paper is used to test whether a liquid is acid or alkali?

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Q. 17:  What are the two heaviest land animals? (A point for each correct answer.)

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Q. 18:  The ancient city of Machu Picchu is in which country?

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Q. 19:  Walter Frederick Morrison invented the ‘Pluto platter’ in 1948, but what is it more commonly known as today?

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Q. 20:  What is the better known stage name of Robyn Fenty?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  By what more common name are the 3rd Molars known?

A.  1:  Wisdom teeth.

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Q.  2:  What do snakes use their tongues for?

A.  2:  Hearing.

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Q.  3:  What is the diameter in meters, of the circle from which a discus is thrown?

            a)  1.5 meters                b)  2.5 meters                c)  3.5 meters

A.  3:  The correct answer is b) 2.5 meters.

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Q.  4:  What disease is an infection of the intestine caused by drinking dirty water?

A.  4:  Cholera.

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Q.  5:  Which federal state consists of 26 Cantons?

A.  5:  Switzerland.

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Q.  6:  What is 9 percent of 9?

A.  6:  It is 0.81.

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Q.  7:  What is the more common name for the chemical symbol ‘fe2o3’?

A.  7:  Rust.

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Q.  8:  What are the only 2 mammals to lay eggs rather than give birth to live offspring? (You get a point for each correct answer and a bonus point if you get both correct.)

A.  8:  Duckbilled platypus and the spiny anteater (will accept just ‘anteater’).

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Q.  9:  What killer disease very prevalent in past centuries was controlled by Jonas Salk’s vaccine?

A.  9:  Polio.

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Q. 10:  What type of fuel do jet aircraft use?

A. 10:  Kerosene.

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Q. 11:  How many minutes are there in a week?

A. 11:  There are 10,080.

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Q. 12:  Common Salt is a compound formed from 2 elements, one is sodium what is the other?

A. 12:  Chlorine

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Q. 13:  Which bird has ‘golden’, ‘silver’, ‘Lady Amherst’ and ‘argus’ varieties?

A. 13:  Pheasant.

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Q. 14:  What alternative name is given to the River Thames as it passes through Oxford, a name that has been very prominent in the international news recently for a very different reason?

A. 14:  It is called the ‘Isis’, the name also used for the militant Islamic terrorist group in Iraq and Syria.

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Q. 15:  What is the second month of the year to have exactly 30 days?

A. 15:  June.

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Q. 16:  What kind of paper is used to test whether a liquid is acid or alkali?

A. 16:  Litmus.

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Q. 17:  What are the two heaviest land animals? (A point for each correct answer.)

A. 17:  The elephant and the hippopotamus.

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Q. 18:  The ancient city of Machu Picchu is in which country?

A. 18:  Peru.

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Q. 19:  Walter Frederick Morrison invented the ‘Pluto platter’ in 1948, but what is it more commonly known as today?

A. 19:  The ‘Frisbee’.

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Q. 20:  What is the better known stage name of Robyn Fenty?

A. 20:  Rihanna.

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Does The Name Pavlov Ring A Bell?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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What would Thursdays be without a few puns?

Well, yes, okay it would still be Thursday, but a lot less enjoyable.

So what are you waiting for?

I’m sure you are already salivating at the prospect.

Enjoy!

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My desire to be a dermatologist was only skin deep.

I knew I was destined for osteology.

I could feel it in my bones.

dancing-skeleton-clipart

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There’s been a break in at a local puzzle factory.

Authorities are still trying to piece things together.

puzzle factory logo

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The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

dead-batteries-batteries-free-of-charge-pun

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The hardest time in a man’s life

is between puberty and impotence.

puberty-impotence

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I used to think I was trapped in a woman’s body…

Then I was born.

crying-baby-cartoon

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Never hit a man with glasses.

Hit him with a baseball bat.

baseball bat

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I did some DIY with my step-ladder the other night.

I never really got along with my real ladder.

step ladder

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My Uncle had his tongue shot off during World War II.

He doesn’t talk about it, though.

gagged

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Some people like Pachyderms.

But I find them irrelephant

Pachyderm

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My wife left me because of my obsession with sporting puns.

its a shame really because i wanted to discus it.

discus

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I went to the dentist the other day and he told me that he was sick of hearing puns about his job.

So I told him ‘I had a filling you were going to say that’

I had a filling

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I would prefer it if there were Fuhrer puns about the Nazis, thanks very much.

invasion pun

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Did you hear about the transvestite blues singer?

He woke up one morning and he had the blouse.

the-blues-singer

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I hate when people try to use the word infinity just to be clever.

It annoys me to no end.

infinity

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