Understanding what is beyond the horizon is beyond me.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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But puns I do understand.

What is a little more puzzling is why I like them and why so many others do as well.

Still, we can figure out that conundrum another time.

For now it’s another Pun Day, so….

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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I bought a cheap Jack-in-a-box

and it’s not much good.

It doesn’t surprise me.

 cheap Jack-in-a-box

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Some guy came up to me in the street today

and said “Wow, you look odd.”

I replied “Well, so do you.”

“Guess that made us even.”

 odd and even

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I’ve just come back from the corner shop.

I bought four corners.

 corner shop

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So King Abdullah died,

that should sheikh things up a bit.

 King Abdullah

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I’ve got a part time job for a company

making rubberized computer keyboards.

It’s flexible shifts.

 rubberized computer keyboards

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Someone stopped me while I was jogging

this morning to ask why I had

duct tape over my mouth.

I didn’t answer.

It’s a running gag.

 duct tape over mouth

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A friend of mine bought a second hand

deck of cards from a casino in Las Vegas,

but after four weeks they hadn’t arrived.

When he asked for an update, they said

they were still dealing with his order.

 Las Vegas casino card packs

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Did you hear about the fisherman

who was learning Spanish

He got lost at Si

 fisherman

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I’m currently reading a book about

North African invaders during

Medieval times and can’t put it down.

Its very moorish.

 A Moor

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I looked up the definition of

the word “arbitrary” today.

For no particular reason.

 arbitrary definition

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My boss said,

“As part of our cost-saving drive we are

installing energy-efficient lights in the toilets.

They work on a motion detection system.”

I replied,

“That’s all fair and well, but what if

someone’s just going in for a pee?”

 CalvinPeeGIF

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A storm has ripped through

my coconut farm…

I’m desiccated.

 coconut cracked

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Whenever I find a pretty girl

I look for intelligence.

Because if she doesn’t have that,

then she’s mine!

 cute-cartoon-girl-20910042

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I always ask too many questions.

Does anybody know why this is?

 too many questions

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I text a friend the other day asking him

who his favorite composer is.

Surprisingly, he didn’t text Bach.

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What Do I Think Of Message Boards? I’m Forum!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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And I’m for punny jokes too.

The worse, the better.

Here’s some more.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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Downloading digital audio has completely revolutionized our lives.

It’s the biggest change in the way we buy music since records began.

cds_vs._digital_downloads

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I went to the doctors today

about my addiction to astrology.

He said “What are the signs?”

Zodiac-signs

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For Sale:

Grandfather clock

– only one part missing.

Second hand.

Grandfather clock

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My wife asked me to fix a

plug for her this morning.

I refused.

fix a plug

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Did you hear about the guy who 

trashed a Chinese restaurant?

He’s being charged with

Wonton Destruction.

WonTon_Destruction_by_Cheswick

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I looked up ‘Opaque’ in the dictionary today.

The definition was not very clear.

Opaque glass

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Scientists who were against genetic engineering

have managed to cross a seagull with a sheep,

which is a massive ewe tern.

seagull and sheep - Tanya Marriott designs

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I bought a belt made entirely from five dollar bills.

It was a waist of money.

Money Origami

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What is a group of deaf people called?

I bet it’s not a herd.

group of deaf people

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To help change her appearance my missus

has started using clay facials with cucumber slices

over her eyes and her hair in rollers.

It helps, but I can still tell it’s her.

young-woman-with-cucumber-slices-on-the-face-in-a-spa-saloon

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I got stopped by a policeman

while I was driving along the road.

I stopped, opened the window and he said

“This is a spot check.”

So I replied

“I’ve got 2 blackheads and a boil on my bottom!”

cartoon cop stopping car

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Fibonacci numbers.

It’s as easy as 1, 1, 2, 3.

Fibonacci numbers

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I hate the local debating group.

They discussed me.

debating group

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So; if men are from Mars

and women are from Venus,

do gay men come from Uranus?

(Oh oh, that’s going to offend somebody!)

Uranus

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We used to call the printer in the office ‘Bob Marley’.

It was always jammin!

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