The Fact File Is Open Again!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Here we go with another random selection of facts from the files.

There’s bound to be something new in this lot, so read on and, of course….

Enjoy!

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did you know3

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McDonald’s daily customer traffic is larger

than the population of Great Britain

Mcdonalds_logo

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The placement of a donkey’s eyes in its head

enables it to see all four feet at all times!

Donkey_from_Shrek

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President Theodore Roosevelt (1901-1909)

was not only the first President to ride in an automobile,

but also the first President to travel outside the country

when he visited Panama.

President_Theodore_Roosevelt

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Camel’s have three eyelids.

Camel jordanian desert

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A man wore 70 items of clothing in a Chinese airport

to avoid the bagging charge.

friends_302_joey_chandlers_clothes

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Above the Supreme Court is a basketball court

known as the Highest Court in the Land.

Clarence Thomas tore his Achilles in a 1993 game.

Supreme-Court-Basketball-logo_full

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Your brain consumes 25 watts of power while you’re awake.

This amount of energy is enough to illuminate a lightbulb.

brain

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Hedenophobes have a fear of pleasure.

They won’t be reading this blog then!

Hedenophobes

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Prostitution is not and has never been illegal in Canada.

Legalizing_Prostitution

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Ramses brand condom is named after

the great pharaoh Ramses II

who fathered over 160 children.

pharaoh Ramses II

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The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

giant squid eye

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The first license plate on a car in the United States

was issued in Denver, Colorado in 1908.

denver_colorado_red_license

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The “Dull Men’s Hall of Fame” is located in Carroll, Wisconsin

– and, no, I am not on their roll of honor!

blah_cologne_for_dull_men_461435

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Studies have shown that swearing when in pain

can release pain-killing endorphins.

swearing when in pain

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Common Cobra venom is not on the list of top 10 venoms

yet it is still 40 times more toxic than cyanide.

cobra

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“Lassie” was played by a group of male dogs;

the main one was named Pal.

Lassie

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The record for the most weddings is held by King Mogul of Siam,

who had 9000 weddings and 9000 wives

– and 9000 mother-in-laws *@#!.

King_Mongkut_of_Siam

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In 1984, a Canadian farmer began

renting advertising space on his cows.

cows advertising

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In ancient Greece “idiot” meant a private citizen or layman;

in modern America it means a politician!

Cartoon-Idiot-Problem-990

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You use 14 muscles to smile and 43 to frown.

Keep Smiling!

 

smiling v frowning

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Then There Was The Dyslexic Man Who Walked Into A Bra….

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another short selection of punny jokes today.

Strong language warning on one of them for those likely to be offended by such things.

Enjoy! 

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What banned weapon can you use to kill slugs?

A salt rifle.

a-salt-rifle

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If you owned a secret, underground fajita shop, would you keep it under wraps?

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I dated a girl from the Phillippines, she was a contortionist.

I called her my ‘Manila folder’

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I couldn’t understand why my mobile’s battery always seems to be flat.

Then I realized had it been any other shape, it wouldn’t fit in my phone.

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I knew a man who killed himself with a cyanide capsule.

That was a bitter pill to swallow.

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Some people think animal puns are not funny in any neigh, sheep or farm.

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I hate puns about perforated things – they’re tearable.

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You would think that these herbs & spices puns would have died out by now.

But no, they just keep on Cumin.

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Paddy goes into a hardware store & asks to buy a sink.

“Would you like one with a plug?” says the assistant.

Paddy replies, “Don’t tell me they’ve gone electric!”

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Woman goes into a butcher’s…

“I’d like an oxtail please”.

“Certainly”, replies the butcher,

“Once upon a time there was an ox…”

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One day I phoned with the spiritual leader of Tibet.

He sent me a large goat with a long neck.

Turns out I phoned Dial- a- llama.

dial_a_llama_by_inkling01-d4qelj4

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Coffee isn’t my cup of tea.

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I took my wife to the doctor yesterday, he examined her and said, “I’ll be perfectly honest… I don’t like the look of her.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” I said, “but she’s a good cook and the kids think the world of her!”

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I bought a Valentine’s Day card for everyone at our local Tourette’s Society.

It’s the thought that cunts.

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“Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’’

“That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.”

“Is it common?”

“Well, it’s not unusual.”

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