America, Asia and Australia – It’s A Global Quiz.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Questions relating to most continents today so truly a global quiz.

Twenty more questions to test your general knowledge.

As always if you get stuck you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating.

Enjoy and good luck.

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quiz7

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Q.  1.  In Australia are there are more people than kangaroos or more kangaroos than people?

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Q.  2.  In America what commemoration day was in honor of the Union and Confederate soldiers fallen in the American Civil War, and known as the Decoration Day?

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Q.  3.  To be officially considered an astronaut by NASA you must travel how many miles above the surface of the Earth?

            a) 50 miles           b) 100 miles           c) 150 miles           d) 200 miles

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Q.  4.  In 755 AD the An Lushan rebellion in which over 30 million people died (almost a sixth of the world population) occurred in what country?

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Q.  5.  On what part of your body would you find Rasceta?

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Q.  6.  What is a young rabbit called?

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Q.  7.  What is the most translated book in the world, available in 2454 languages?

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Q.  8.  Approximately what proportion of the Earth is covered by the Pacific Ocean?

            a) one eighth          b) one fifth          c) one quarter          d) one third

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Q.  9.  In what year (excluding test flights) was the first Space Shuttle launched?

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Q. 10.  In what year (excluding test flights) was the last Space Shuttle launched?

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Q. 11.  What city is known as the ‘Pearl of the Danube’ ?

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Q. 12.  What is measured on the Beaufort scale?

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Q. 13.  What English naval commander reputedly refused to stop a game of bowls when an enemy fleet was sighted?

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Q. 14.  What famous novelists works include ‘Brighton Rock’, ‘The Quiet American’, and ‘Our Man In Havana’ ?

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Q. 15.  Which two figures are normally found in a Pietà sculpture?

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Q. 16.  What are the three main functions in trigonometry?

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Q. 17.  What word links a castle and court associated with the legendary King Arthur and the presidency of JFK?

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Q. 18.  Who did Cassius Clay first defeat to win the boxing Heavyweight Championship of the World?

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Q. 19.  What are the 12 long triangles on a backgammon board called?

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Q. 20. In music what band is known by the acronym ELO?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1.  In Australia are there are more people than kangaroos or more kangaroos than people?

A.  1.  In Australia there are approximately 23.87 million people, but current Federal Government estimates puts the number of kangaroos at 50 – 60 million.

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Q.  2.  In America what commemoration day was in honor of the Union and Confederate soldiers fallen in the American Civil War, and known as the Decoration Day?

A.  2. Memorial Day.

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Q.  3.  To be officially considered an astronaut by NASA you must travel how many miles above the surface of the Earth?

            a) 50 miles           b) 100 miles           c) 150 miles           d) 200 miles

A.  3.  The correct answer is a) 50 miles.

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Q.  4.  In 755 AD the An Lushan rebellion in which over 30 million people died (almost a sixth of the world population) occurred in what country?

A.  4.  In China.

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Q.  5.  On what part of your body would you find Rasceta?

A.  5.  The lines on the back of your wrist are called Rasceta.

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Q.  6.  What is a young rabbit called?

A.  6.  A young rabbit is called a ‘kitten’ or a ‘kit’, not a bunny.

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Q.  7.  What is the most translated book in the world, available in 2454 languages?

A.  7.  The Bible.

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Q.  8.  Approximately what proportion of the Earth is covered by the Pacific Ocean?

            a) one eighth          b) one fifth          c) one quarter          d) one third

A.  8.  The correct answer is d) one third.

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Q.  9.  In what year (excluding test flights) was the first Space Shuttle launched?

A.  9.  It was launched in 1981, on April 12th.

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Q. 10.  In what year (excluding test flights) was the last Space Shuttle launched?

A. 10.  It was launched in 2011, on July 8th.

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Q. 11.  What city is known as the ‘Pearl of the Danube’ ?

A. 11.  Budapest.

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Q. 12.  What is measured on the Beaufort scale?

A. 12.  Wind speed. It’s full name is the Beaufort wind force scale, although it is a measure of wind speed and not of force in the scientific sense.

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Q. 13.  What English naval commander reputedly refused to stop a game of bowls when an enemy fleet was sighted?

A. 13.  Sir Francis Drake.

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Q. 14.  What famous novelists works include ‘Brighton Rock’, ‘The Quiet American’, and ‘Our Man In Havana’ ?

A. 14.  Graham Greene.

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Q. 15.  Which two figures are normally found in a Pietà sculpture?

A. 15.  The Pietà sculpture depicts the body of Jesus on the lap of his mother Mary after the Crucifixion.

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Q. 16.  What are the three main functions in trigonometry?

A. 16.  They are ‘Sine’, ‘Cosine’ and ‘Tangent’, often shortened to ‘sin’, ‘cos’ and ‘tan’.

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Q. 17.  What word links a castle and court associated with the legendary King Arthur and the presidency of JFK?

A. 17.  Camelot.

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Q. 18.  Who did Cassius Clay first defeat to win the boxing Heavyweight Championship of the World?

A. 18.  Sonny Liston.

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Q. 19.  What are the 12 long triangles on a backgammon board called?

A. 19.  They are known as ‘Points’.

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Q. 20. In music what band is known by the acronym ELO?

A. 20.  The Electric Light Orchestra.

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Taking A Swipe At Skype

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Skype_logo

No, it’s not me who is taking a swipe at Skype. I use Skype a lot for communicating with people. I find it particularly good for contacting friends in foreign lands, which you can do for free, but also for making paid telephone calls too.

I have been using it for over a decade, almost from it started, and long before it was bought by Microsoft. Although other flavors have arrived on the scene I stick with Skype.

It’s the comfort of familiarity, something I wish the nerds at WordPress would pay attention to instead of continually making smart-ass changes that no one has asked for or wants. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it guys!

But getting back to Skype, it has now become a victim of the snoopers – again!

This time it has been told it has to appear before a court in Belgium because it refused to hand over customer data following a request for assistance by the Federal Computer Crime Unit of the Federal Judicial Police (FCCU) in a ‘criminal investigation’.

Microsoft acquires Skype

Microsoft has been very sensitive to appearing to buckle under when requested to release information about its Skype users ever since it was alleged that it had changed the architecture of the communications software to make it more “wiretap friendly”, something which it has always denied.

Despite Microsoft releasing transparency reports stating that it had not handed over the content of any Skype conversations in response to regular law enforcement requests, privacy and security analysts remain unconvinced.

Unfortunately, as usually happens when the lawyers get to work, the fundamental importance of this case – which is government’s mania for trying to remove the right to privacy of its citizens – gets lost in spurious legal arguments.

cartoon lawyers

Now, instead of defending the right to privacy, the court’s time is being taken up with deciding whether or not a VoIP service like Skype should be treated as a telecoms operator in Belgium. If it is then it would have to comply with Belgian regulatory requirements for telecoms operators and release data to the snoopers.

I said earlier that the request by the Belgian snoopers is in regard to a ‘criminal investigation’ but the alleged crimes under investigation have not been specified, nor has the identity of the suspect or suspects.

It’s another one of those government catch-all phrases like ‘terrorist activity’ or ‘national security’ that are used as a cover for intrusions into people’s privacy whenever they feel like it.

government Snooping

The result of this Belgian case will be an interesting marker for future attacks on the privacy of Skype users. My guess is that if the snoopers win their case then Skype should brace itself for a multitude of similar requests from governments all over the world. If on the other hand the courts rules in favor of the privacy of Skype users then the government will simply put their hackers to work and try to get the information illegally as they have done and are doing.

So it’s another one of those ‘heads’ privacy loses and ‘tails’ the snoopers win.

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Trophies, Medals And Loads Of Points In Today’s Quiz.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes there are questions about trophies and medals in today’s quiz, but most importantly there are loads of points to be collected – if you get the answers correct, of course.

And remember, if you do get stuck, you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating.

Enjoy and good luck.

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quiz confused1

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Q.  1:  What is known as ‘The Eternal City’ ?

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Q.  2:  In which sport is the ‘Vince Lombardi Trophy’ awarded?

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Q.  3:  What acid accumulates in the muscles once the anaerobic threshold is passed when doing exercise?

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Q.  4:  Who surrendered to whom, where and when to formally mark the end of the American Civil War? (A point for each correct answer, so a maximum of four points available.)

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Q.  5:  In which country are the ‘Angel Falls’, the world’s highest waterfall?

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Q.  6:  Who was the ‘sea green incorruptible’ who lead the reign of Terror in the French Revolution?

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Q.  7:  What was the name of the first spacecraft was the first to reach the Moon’s immediate orbit, and the first to be placed in heliocentric orbit?

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Q.  8:  Which major spiral galaxy is the closest to the Milky Way?

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Q.  9:  What is an ‘ECG’ used to show and in this context what do the letters ‘E-C-G’ stand for? (A point for each correct answer.)

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Q. 10:  Which alkane, chemical formula ‘CH4’, occurs naturally in oil wells, marshes and cow farts?

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Q. 11:  This Irish-born soldier and diplomat, was also one of the first graduates from Harvard, and had one of London’s most famous streets named after him, what was his name?

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Q. 12:  How high is the top of a badminton net above the court?

            a) 3 feet            b) 4 feet            c) 5 feet            d) 6 feet

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Q. 13:  Which lead character was the budding author in the ‘The Waltons’ ? (And a bonus point for each of the actors who played this character.)

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Q. 14:  What is the correct title for someone who shoes horses?

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Q. 15:  Who was a searcher, a quiet man and a shootist amongst other things?

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Q. 16:  Which garden is considered to be among the ‘Seven Wonders of the Ancient World’ ?

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Q. 17:  What is another word for ‘lexicon’ ?

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Q. 18:  What American outlaw had a brother called Frank and was killed by a member of his own gang. (Bonus points if you correctly name each of the following, the gang and the man who killed him.)

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Q. 19:  Where would you find the abbreviation for the Japanese manufacturing company Yoshida Kogyo Kabushikikaisha?

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Q. 20:  Which movie actor was the most decorated American soldier in World War Two?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  What is known as ‘The Eternal City’ ?

A.  1:  Rome.

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Q.  2:  In which sport is the ‘Vince Lombardi Trophy’ awarded?

A.  2:  American Football.

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Q.  3:  What acid accumulates in the muscles once the anaerobic threshold is passed when doing exercise?

A.  3:  Lactic Acid.

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Q.  4:  Who surrendered to whom, where and when to formally mark the end of the American Civil War? (A point for each correct answer, so a maximum of four points available.)

A.  4:  General Robert E. Lee surrendered of his Confederate Army to Union Army  Lt. Gen. Ulysses S. Grant, at the Appomattox Court House, Virginia on April 9, 1865.

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Q.  5:  In which country are the ‘Angel Falls’, the world’s highest waterfall?

A.  5:  Venezuela.

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Q.  6:  Who was the ‘sea green incorruptible’ who lead the reign of Terror in the French Revolution?

A.  6:  Maximilien Robespierre. (You get the point for correctly giving the surname only.)

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Q.  7:  What was the name of the first spacecraft was the first to reach the Moon’s immediate orbit, and the first to be placed in heliocentric orbit?

A.  7:  It was the Soviet ‘Luna 1’.

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Q.  8:  Which major spiral galaxy is the closest to the Milky Way?

A.  8:  The Andromeda galaxy.

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Q.  9:  What is an ‘ECG’ used to show and in this context what do the letters ‘E-C-G’ stand for? (A point for each correct answer.)

A.  9:  The ECG shows heart activity and rhythm and it stands for electrocardiogram.

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Q. 10:  Which alkane, chemical formula ‘CH4’, occurs naturally in oil wells, marshes and cow farts?

A. 10:  Methane.

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Q. 11:  This Irish-born soldier and diplomat, was also one of the first graduates from Harvard, and had one of London’s most famous streets named after him, what was his name?

A. 11:  His name was Sir George Downing, and Downing Street, the official residence of the British Prime Minister is named after him. (And, yes, you get the point if you just said ‘Downing’.)

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Q. 12:  How high is the top of a badminton net above the court?

            a) 3 feet            b) 4 feet            c) 5 feet            d) 6 feet

A. 12:  The correct answer is c) 5 feet.

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Q. 13:  Which lead character was the budding author in the ‘The Waltons’ ? (And a bonus point for each of the actors who played this character.)

A. 13:  Officially ‘John “John-Boy” Walton Jr.’ but you get the point for just ‘John-Boy’. He was played by Richard Thomas in the pilot and series seasons 1–5, as well as guest appearances in season 6 and in the three movie sequels; Robert Wightman played ‘John-Boy’ in seasons 8–9 and one movie sequel.

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Q. 14:  What is the correct title for someone who shoes horses?

A. 14:  A farrier.

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Q. 15:  Who was a searcher, a quiet man and a shootist amongst other things?

A. 15:  John Wayne.

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Q. 16:  Which garden is considered to be among the ‘Seven Wonders of the Ancient World’ ?

A. 16:  The Hanging Gardens of Babylon.

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Q. 17:  What is another word for ‘lexicon’ ?

A. 17:  Dictionary.

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Q. 18:  What American outlaw had a brother called Frank and  was killed by a member of his own gang. (A bonus point if you correctly name each of the following, the gang and the man who killed him.)

A. 18:  His name was Jesse James, and for your bonus points the gang was the ‘James-Younger Gang’ and the member who killed him was ‘Robert Ford’, who hoped to collect a reward on James’ head.

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Q. 19:  Where would you find the abbreviation for the Japanese manufacturing company Yoshida Kogyo Kabushikikaisha?

A. 19:  The abbreviation is obviously YKK and it can be found on almost every zipper in the world. Take a look at your zippers if you don’t believe me.

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Q. 20:  Which movie actor was the most decorated American soldier in World War Two?

A. 20:  Audie Murphy.  (For the record some of his decorations were the Bronze Star with “V” Device and Bronze Oak Leaf Cluster, Distinguished Service Cross, Presidential Unit Citation and Bronze Oak Leaf Cluster, Purple Heart and Bronze and 2 Oak Leaf Clusters, Silver Star and Bronze Oak Leaf Cluster, Medal of Honor, Legion of Merit, American Campaign Medal, European–African–Middle Eastern Campaign Medal, World War II Victory Medal, Army of Occupation Medal, French Legion of Honor – Grade of Chevalier, French Croix de guerre with Silver Star, French Croix de guerre with Palm, French Liberation Medal, French Fourragère in Colors of the Croix de guerre, Belgian Croix de guerre with 1940 Palm.)

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“I Think,” Said The Sweet Potato, “Therefore I Yam.”

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
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Well today I yam the poster of more puns.
Keep your groans handy, you might need ‘em.
Enjoy or endure.
rofl.

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You can say what you like

about freedom of speech.

freedom_of_speech_in_europe

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I would love to dance at a metric party,

but I have two left 0.305 meters.

Meter-to-Foot-conversion
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Waiters are good at multiplication

because they know their tables.

waiter
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I accidentally grabbed a

live electric cable yesterday.

It really Hertz.

live electric cable
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Capital punishment.

capital PUNISHMENT
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I used to work at a car garage

that had a jet wash.

It was pointless,

there was nowhere for them to land.

airplane washing
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I got a 24 hour clock from

a garage sale for only 10/c.

They’ll be so mad,

it’s lasted far longer.

24 hour clock
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I’m in court accused of the murders of

Dracula and Monte Cristo.

I’m pleading guilty to both Counts.

Dracula and Monte Cristo
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There’s a Muslim in the street carrying a gun.

Police say he’s Ahmed and dangerous.

Ahmed and dangerous
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My ex girlfriend text to say that

she’d made a voodoo doll of me.

I think she’s pulling my leg.

Voodoo-doll
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I used to have a job in the police force,

in which I’d break into secure

computer files to uncover criminal activity.

That was until I was met by one system

that proved I wasn’t up to the job.

I just couldn’t hack it.

hacker

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Driving home, I noticed I had a

police car right up my ass.

Must have a word with my nephew

about leaving his toys lying around.

toy-police-car
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I’d been worrying about my

geography exam for a long time.

When I sat down to take it,

the first question read;

“What is the correct term for any wind that

blows between 4 and 30 miles per hour?”

I don’t know what I was worried about.

It was a breeze.

breeze
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I was so nervous when I met my

future father-in-law that i blurted out,

“Sir, May I have your daughters

hole in handy matrimony?”

met my future father-in-law
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What do you call a bunch of

kleptomaniacs with musical instruments?

A Steal Band.
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Not Even A Sausage.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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We’ve talked about stupid criminals on the fasab blog before and if there was a competition to find the stupidest I think it would be a pretty difficult task.

However, having said that, on the short list would have to be 55-year-old Tempe resident Harry Williams.

You see according to court documents (yes, obviously this master criminal was caught) Williams first tried to rob an Ace Hardware store that was within walking distance of his house.

Having entered the store he put his hand under his shirt, announced to the cashier that he had a gun, and demanded all the money in the cash register.

Williams’ “hand under his shirt thing” must have looked so much like a gun that the employee told him he did not have any money in the register and was not going to give him any money even if he did.

With that, Williams demanded that the cashier open the register to prove he didn’t have any money.

The cashier said “No,” and Williams left.

However still determined to steal something, Williams ran across the road, and into a Safeway store.

Again, he tried to convince a cashier that he was committing a robbery. But, again, nobody was buying his routine.

Williams was summarily escorted out of the building, empty handed again.

But he wasn’t finished yet. That’s how stupid he was.

He waited a few minutes and then sneaked back into the same Safeway store where everybody had already seen him, stuffed a lone sausage in his pants, and sneaked back out.

Police found Williams shortly afterwards and discovered that, as well as the stolen sausage,  he actually did have a 4- or 5-inch knife in his pocket, which he hadn’t thought of using, preferring his non-existent gun instead.

Although Williams was initially booked on charges of attempted armed robbery for using a simulated weapon, the charges were reduced to that of attempted robbery and shoplifting. 

And he made our dumb criminals shortlist! Go Harry!!!

dumb criminal harry williams

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E-mail Is Post, Modern.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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E-mail is post, modern – get it?

Yes, it’s pun day again.

Enjoy!

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rofl

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The poet had written better poems,

but he’d also written verse.

poetry_butcher_colour_new

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Those who get too big for their britches

will be exposed in the end.

ripped pants

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“This must be an aerobics class!”

the blonde worked out at the gym.

step aerobics

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When the doctor told him he was missing 

a left ventricle and a left aorta 

the patient laughed half-heartedly.

half_hearted

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I’ve got some good advice for the camera shy.

Use coconuts instead.

cartoon-coconut-joke

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I like European food so I decided to Russia over there

because I was Hungary. After Czech’ing the menu

I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished

I told the waiter, Spain good,

but there is Norway I could eat another bite

europe_map_political

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Those who study the moon are optimists

– they look at the bright side.

moon bright dark sides

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To learn rope tricks you have to be taut.

rope trick

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You know, vultures can make really good comedy actors.

I really loved them in those old “Carrion” movies.

vulture

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When a skunk walked in, the judge said,

‘odor in the court’.

Skunk

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How does it change many dyslexics to take a light-bulb?

Dyslexic-CPR

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I had an accident in chemistry class yesterday

when I spilled some sodium chloride

and sulphuric acid over myself.

It was terrible.

I didn’t know how to react.

chemistry class

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I’ve just gone into the bedroom

and someone’s stolen my bed.

Honestly.

I’m not lying.

empty-master-bedroom

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My friends tell me that I’m terrible at telling jokes.

I always punch up the mess line.

spitzer_punchline

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The phone rings, and the wife answers it.

A pervert, with heavy breathing, says,

“I bet you have a tight ass with no hair.”

Woman replies, “Yes, he’s watching TV – who shall I say is calling?”

woman-in-curlers-and-her-robe-answering-a-phone-call-by-ron-leishman-16781

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Some More Witty Sayings, Inspired By George Carlin

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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There was a lot of love for the short series of quotes from George Carlin. I was pleased that he is remembered well and still giving amusement to people, despite no longer being with us.

Today I have a selection of other witty sayings, not attributed to anyone in particular, but in the same spirit as last week’s post.

I hope you enjoy these too.

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Dickson’s Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

 

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

 

Sex is like air; it’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.

 

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

 

One good turn gets most of the blankets.

 

There are two kinds of pedestrians — the quick and the dead.

 

Life is sexually transmitted.

 

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

 

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said “Quit while you’re ahead”?

 

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI. (One for the nerds and geeks to LTAO.) 

 

Willie was a Chemist, But Willie is no more, What Willie thought was H2O Was H2SO4.

 

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

 

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

 

It’s not hard to meet expenses, they’re everywhere.

 

Jury — Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.

 

Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.

 

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

 

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

 

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the ‘Y’ becomes silent.

 

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

 

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Courting Disasters

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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No, not the romantic kind of courting disasters, not this time anyhow. Today it’s another selection from the courts.

You may forgive the witness and jury member responses (although some of them are really dumb), but it is hard to believe when you read some of this that these lawyers have had the benefit of an expensive education.

Money and time wasted?

Judge for yourselves.

Enjoy.

 

 

But first a joke….

 

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying in court.

The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness:

The lawyer: “Did you actually see the accident?”

The witness: “Yes, sir.”

The lawyer: “How far away were you when the accident happened?”

The witness: “Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches.”

The lawyer (thinking he’d trap the witness): “Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was
exactly that distance?”

The witness: “Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question.”

 

 

 

Defendant: I remember when I was in your courtroom in 1956 when you was a municipal judge

Counsel: I don’t think we should go into that

Defendant: Not guilty, too

Counsel: Well, we all make mistakes, sir, but you didn’t make one

Defendant: Well you made one, I was guilty

 

  

District Attorney: Okay. How much earlier had you used cocaine?

Defendant: I was getting high all that day

District Attorney: All right. So you were using cocaine. Were you free-basing cocaine?

Defendant: No I bought it.

 

 

Counsel: Okay. Now let me ask you again, had you been drinking that day? Alcohol, I mean?

Defendant: Uh-huh

Counsel: Had you?

Defendant’s Counsel  Answer it audibly

Counsel: Had you been drinking alcohol that day?

Defendant: Audibly

Counsel: What were you drinking, beer or what?

Defendant: Uh-huh

Counsel: Beer?

Defendant: Audibly

 

 

District Attorney: Judge, I would object to Counsel’s characterization of this disagreement. He is giving a one-sided view.

Judge:  Of course he is. That is what you expect of a trial attorney

 

 

Judge:  Please begin

Counsel: Thank you

Q. (to witness) Miss, while you have, if you do have – you still- oh, you don’t.

Judge: That was a great start, counsel

 

 

Judge:  Are all of the defendants black?

Counsel #1:  My client is white

Counsel #2:  My client is described in the police report as mulatto

Judge: How do you describe her?

Counsel #2:  Pregnant

 

 

Counsel:  Your Honor, the defense would argue the People haven’t proved the prior conviction.

District Attorney: Oh shit!

Counsel:  That’s a legal term?

Judge:  One used quite often in law school

 

 

District Attorney: Did the defendant make any other statements to you at that time?

Witness: He told me he had the best lawyer in Los Angeles and that I didn’t have a case

Counsel: I’ll stipulate to that, Your Honor

 

 

Q: What about the research?

A:  I don’t think there is any research on that. There’s a logical hunch that may be true, but I know of no research study that would support that at this point in time.

Q: What about just common sense?

A: Well I am not here using common sense. I am here as an expert.

 

 

Q: How long would it take for a sphincter spasm to heal, Doctor?

A: Sphincter spasm is not a disease process. I mean, as you stand there, you can have a sphincter spasm if you wanted to.

Q: I could have a sphincter spasm right now if I wanted to?

A: Just tighten your sphincter and that is your sphincter spasm. Try it.

Q: Can you have one right now, Doctor?

A: Yeah, I think we all can

 

 

Q: Deputy, showing your photographs numbers 3 and 4, can you identify those?

A: Those were photographs taken at our sheriff’s headquarters.

Q: Do you recognize the individuals in the photographs?

A: Yes, sir

Q: And, in Exhibit No. 3, do you recognize that subject?

A: Yes sir

Q: How do you recognize him?

A: There’s a name card in front of him.

Court breaks into laughter

Judge: Oh, I love that. We don’t get paid much, but we do have a good time.

 

 

Q: Officer have you ever cut yourself?

A: Yes sir

Q: When you cut yourself did anything come out?

A: Yes sir

Q: What color was that?

Counsel:  I objet Your Honor as irrelevant

Judge: Overruled

A: It was red

Q: Did that red substance that came out appear to be similar to the red substance you saw at the scene?

A: Yes sir

Q: Does that red substance have a name?

A: Yes Sir, it does

Q: What is it called?

A: Blood

 

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One Lump, Or Two With Your Coffee?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I’ve discussed before in other blog posts that part of the reason for the problems we suffer these days is the direct result of the staggering number of stupid lawyers who are being allowed to qualify from our universities in spite of the fact that they are clearly unfit to hold down a proper job in the legal profession.

Thus we have many of them turning into ambulance chasers to try to eek out a living, whilst others encourage equally dumb people into taking spurious law suits against decent people and  businesses.

The judiciary does not help by their tolerance of junk law suits and by some of their decisions, the stupidity of which take one’s breath away.

We’ve had the morons who sue people like McDonalds because they say they didn’t know their hot coffee was hot or their iced coffee was cold.

But just when you thought you’d heard it all, in one recent case a man claimed caffeine drove him to molest women.

Kenneth Sands was convicted July 3 for groping two women and three teenage girls after a volleyball game in Onalaska, Oregon, on Oct. 18, 2011.

His sorry-assed defense?

Blame it on the caffeine.

Sands, a school bus driver for the Rainier School District, attempted to argue in court that caffeine “caused a psychotic episode,” reported KOMO News. “My son-in-law and daughter have never seen that kind of behavior from myself,” Sands, 51, told the court.

This “behavior” that Sands claims caffeine induced includes grabbing a 46-year-old woman’s breasts several times during the game and later trying to grab her butt as she tried to get away; grabbing a 15-year-old’s butt outside of a bus after the game, and then slapping a 16-year-old’s butt as she was getting on the bus. Sands climbed aboard the bus and touched yet another volleyball player before he was kicked off, the Lewis County sheriff’s office told KOMO.

Thankfully some sanity prevailed on this occasion and the court ruled that caffeine was not, in fact, the reason behind Sands’ aggressive and lewd behavior. He was sentenced to 30 days for each of the five counts of fourth-degree assault.

Sands’ caffeine defense might have been inspired by the “Twinkie defense,” ABC News suggests. San Francisco supervisor Dan White successfully avoided a first-degree murder conviction for the 1978 assassination of San Francisco City Supervisor Harvey Milk and Mayor George Moscone, claiming his sugary diet caused depression.

Dr. Martin Blinder, the psychiatrist who presented the “Twinkie defense” during the 1979 trial, told ABC News that caffeine could not hold up as a defense because it is made from coffee beans, which are all-natural. “We have no evidence that coffee is harmful,” Blinder told ABC.

Rest assured: drinking too much coffee will not turn you into a serial groper.

One lump, or two?

 


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The Curious Case Of The Coroner’s Conundrum

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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In 1994, at the annual awards dinner given by the American Association for Forensic Science, their then president, Don Harper Mills, astounded his audience in San Diego with the legal complications of a bizarre death.

Needless to say it featured an idiot, in fact several idiots, which is why it is being recounted on the fasab blog.

This is the unlikely story.

 

On 23 March 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head.

The deceased had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide. He had left behind a note indicating his depression.

As he fell past the ninth floor, his attempt to kill himself was interrupted by a shotgun blast through a window, which killed him instantly.

Neither the shooter nor the jumper were aware that a safety net had been erected at the eighth floor level to protect some window washers and that Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide because of this.

Ordinarily, if a person sets out with the intention of killing himself and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he originally intended, the death would be deemed a suicide.

Thus, in normal circumstances, the fact that Opus was shot on the way to certain death nine stories below probably would not have changed his mode of death from suicide to homicide.

However, in this case, the fact that his suicidal intent would not have been successful, because of the safety nets, caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands.

The room on the ninth floor where the shotgun blast emanated was occupied by and elderly man and his wife. They were arguing and he was threatening her with the shotgun. But he was so upset that when he pulled trigger he completely missed his wife and the shotgun pellets went through window striking Opus as he fell and killing him.

The Coroner held that, “When one intends to kill subject A, but kills subject B in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject B.”

However, when confronted with this charge, the old man and his wife were both adamant that neither knew that the shotgun was loaded.

The old man said it was his long standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her – therefore, the killing of Opus appeared to be an accident in that the gun had been accidentally loaded by someone else.

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple’s son loading the shotgun approximately six weeks prior to the fatal incident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son’s financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother.

The case now became one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.

 

But even that would not be enough to feature in this blog.

Further investigation revealed that the son, was none other than one Ronald Opus, who had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother’s murder.

This had led him to jump off the ten story building on March 23, only to be killed by a blast from the shotgun he had loaded himself some six weeks previously as he fell past the ninth story window of his parents’ apartment.

 

The medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.