I’m A Terrible Psychic – I Don’t Know About You.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The clue is always in the title.

Today is Pun Day, so brace yourself for more word play and silly jokes.

Go on, you know you love ‘em.

Enjoy or endure.

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Can you tell me what someone from Corsica is called?

Corsican!

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My mum was getting annoyed because of her job sewing things.

I said, “You seamstressed.”

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“Timmy , your homework assignment was to read War and Peace.

Why haven’t you read it?”

“Sorry Miss. It’s a long story.”

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There was this group on Facebook called

‘Help the children in Africa who are suffering from the heat’.

So I became a fan.

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I invested $1000 in some American shares…..

It made a lot of cents.

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I was on a cruise ship which had both sides labeled as starboard.

Something wasn’t right.

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Don’t bother entering the Repairman Of The Year Award

– it’s fixed

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I fell out of a 600 story building and lived.

It was a library.

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Everyone who tastes my homemade wine says it tastes horrible.

I think it’s just sour grapes.

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What do you have

if you have a cricket ball in one hand

and a cricket ball in the other?

A really big cricket!

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I got myself a new toy – it’s a laminator.

Basically, it’s a machine that kills baby sheep.

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My girlfriend left me the other day.

Accordion to her I make tune many musical puns.

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A guy walks into the psychiatrist

wearing only shorts made from Bubble wrap.

The psychiatrist says,

“Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”

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What’s the fastest way to get stoned?

Be a woman in Iran.

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“The total cost would be £3000,” said the funeral director.

“That includes digging the grave.”

“Is that the whole thing?” I asked.

He replied, “Yes, that’s the hole thing.”

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Okay, Enough Of The Presidential Nonsense – Time To Get Serious!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, if the election didn’t make you groan, here’s your chance.

Its bad joke pun day!

Enjoy them if you can.  

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It wasn’t school John disliked it was just the principal of it.

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A toothless termite walked into a tavern and said, “Is the bar tender here?”

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An electrician is a bright spark who knows what’s watt.

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Women who wear $200.00 perfume obviously are known to have no common scents.

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Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents.

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A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.

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Communism first took off in the insect kingdom when a wary wasp joined the cagey bee.

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In the winter my dog wears his coat,

but in the summer he wears his coat and pants.

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Did you hear about the raisin that wined about how he couldn’t achieve grapeness.

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Opening a new funeral parlor can be quite an undertaking.

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I tend to avoid funerals, I’m not really a mourning person.

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The grammarian was never late. In fact he was always very punctual.

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I dropped out of my communism class because of lousy Marx.

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I finished my trigonometry exam without a secant to lose.

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To many girls the word ‘marriage’ has a nice ring to it.

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Those who stare at the moon are optimists.

They only look at the bright side.

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Tennis players don’t marry because Love means Nothing to them.

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Can Napoleon return to his place of birth?

Of Corsican.

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