First Day Of The Month, First Quiz Of The Month.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to December at the fasab blog.

We are into the last month of the year – where did the other eleven go? should be one of today’s questions perhaps.

But of course it isn’t. Instead you have the usual random selection, a few easy ones and a few quite difficult, with some more that lie between the two extremes.

As usual, if you get stuck, you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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Q.  1:  How many quarts are there in a gallon?

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Q.  2:  Which element is used to treat indigestion and stomach acidity?

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Q.  3:  We all know that diamonds and precious gems are measured in carats, but one carat is the equivalent of how many milligrams?

            a)  100            b)  200            c)  300            d)  400            e)  500

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Q.  4:  What is the unit used to measure the thickness of silk or nylon?

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Q.  5:  In Physics, mass divided by volume is the formula for what?

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Q.  6:  If you subtracted the number of square yards in an acre from the number of square meters in a hectare, what number would you be left with?

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Q.  7:  You’ve seen them on TV and in the movies, what is the more common name for a ‘Polygraph’?

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Q.  8:  Which is the world’s largest lizard?

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Q.  9:  What does the abbreviation ‘PVC’ stand for?

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Q. 10:  What is the name of the medical oath taken by doctors?

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Q. 11:  From which trees do conkers come?

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Q. 12:  What is a Barracuda?

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Q. 13:  In human Biology what is a unit of inherited material that contains a particular characteristic?

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Q. 14:  A ‘Piebald’ horse consists of which two colors?

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Q. 15:  What is 70% of 70?

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Q. 16:  What is the first month of the year to have 31 days that follows another month of 31 days?

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Q. 17:  In 1884, what was invented by Lewis Waterman?

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Q. 18:  If I was your age ten years before you were born and I’m 50, how old are you?

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Q. 19:  What sits on a ‘dolly’ in a television studio?

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Q. 20:  Stewart Copeland was the drummer with which band?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  How many quarts are there in a gallon?

A.  1:  4.

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Q.  2:  Which element is used to treat indigestion and stomach acidity?

A.  2:  Magnesium.

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Q.  3:  We all know that diamonds and precious gems are measured in carats, but one carat is the equivalent of how many milligrams?

            a)  100            b)  200            c)  300            d)  400            e)  500

A.  3:  The correct answer is b)  200.

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Q.  4:  What is the unit used to measure the thickness of silk or nylon?

A.  4:  Denier.

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Q.  5:  In Physics, mass divided by volume is the formula for what?

A.  5:  Density.

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Q.  6:  If you subtracted the number of square yards in an acre from the number of square meters in a hectare, what number would you be left with?

A.  6:  5,160  (there are 10,000 square meters in a hectare and 4,840 square yards in an acre, so your calculation should be 10,000 – 4840 = 5,160 )

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Q.  7:  You’ve seen them on TV and in the movies, what is the more common name for a ‘Polygraph’?

A.  7:  A lie detector.

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Q.  8:  Which is the world’s largest lizard?

A.  8:  The Komodo Dragon, found in the Indonesian islands of Komodo, Rinca, Flores, Gili Motang, and Padar.

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Q.  9:  What does the abbreviation ‘PVC’ stand for?

A.  9:  Polyvinylchloride.

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Q. 10:  What is the name of the medical oath taken by doctors?

A. 10:  Hippocratic oath.

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Q. 11:  From which trees do conkers come?

A. 11:  Horse Chestnut.

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Q. 12:  What is a Barracuda?

A. 12:  It is the name of the ferocious fish, shaped like a torpedo which is found in warm seas and is closely related to the sea-perch, although you get the point if you just said ‘fish’.

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Q. 13:  In human Biology what is a unit of inherited material that contains a particular characteristic?

A. 13:  A ‘Gene’.

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Q. 14:  A ‘Piebald’ horse consists of which two colors?

A. 14:  Black and White.

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Q. 15:  What is 70% of 70?

A. 15:  49.

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Q. 16:  What is the first month of the year to have 31 days that follows another month of 31 days?

A. 16:  August.

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Q. 17:  In 1884, what was invented by Lewis Waterman?

A. 17:  The Fountain Pen.  Established in 1884 in New York City by Lewis Edson Waterman, the Waterman pen company is still a major manufacturer of luxury fountain pens, in fact it is one of the few remaining first-generation fountain pen companies.

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Q. 18:  If I was your age ten years before you were born and I’m 50, how old are you?

A. 18:  You would be 20.

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Q. 19:  What sits on a ‘dolly’ in a television studio?

A. 19:  A camera.

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Q. 20:  Stewart Copeland was the drummer with which band?

A. 20:  The Police.

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Hope You Know Something About Camels – It’s Quiz Day!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Strange how these things happen, but today’s quiz seems to feature camels.

Not to worry though, there is the usual random selection of questions to go along with that so you may do okay anyway.

As usual if you get stuck you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating.

Enjoy and good luck.

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Q.  1:  Which Ocean goes to the deepest depths?

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Q.  2:  What kind of animal is a ‘St Lucia Parrot’?

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Q.  3:  What is the common name of the stir-fried rice noodle dish commonly served as a street food or as meal in Thai restaurants.

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Q.  4:  Each year the Moon moves away from the Earth by what distance?

           (a)  two inches             (b)  two feet            (c)  two yards            (d)  two miles?

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Q.  5:  What do you call a triangle with two equal sides and equal opposite angles?

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Q.  6:  Where is the world’s largest aquarium located?

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Q.  7:  What continent do camels originally come from?

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Q.  8:  And on which continent do you find the most camels today?

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Q.  9:  What are the first and the last letters of the Greek Alphabet? (You need both answers to score a point.)

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Q. 10:  What does the chemical symbol ‘U’ represent?

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Q. 11:  What word is used to describe someone who is neither left handed nor right handed, but can use both hands with equal ease?

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Q. 12:  What type of insect is a ‘Spanish fly’?

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Q. 13:  What is 61 degrees Fahrenheit in degrees Celsius?

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Q. 14:  What allegedly happened to British scientist Sir Isaac Newton that made him think about his theory of universal gravitation?

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Q. 15:  The sum of two numbers is 53 and their difference is 9. What are the two numbers?

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Q. 16:  What two creatures are on the Australian coat of arms?

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Q. 17:  What planet in our solar system has the strongest surface winds?

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Q. 18:  What are sticks of blackboard chalk made from?

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Q. 19:  What is the wizard called ‘Olórin’ from ‘The Lord Of The Rings’ better known as?

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Q. 20:  How many colors are there in the rainbow?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  Which Ocean goes to the deepest depths?

A.  1:  The Pacific Ocean.

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Q.  2:  What kind of animal is a ‘St Lucia Parrot’?

A.  2:  It’s a Parrot, from St Lucia. You coulda guessed it!

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Q.  3:  What is the common name of the stir-fried rice noodle dish commonly served as a street food or as meal in Thai restaurants.

A.  3:  It is called Pad Thai.

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Q.  4:  Each year the Moon moves away from the Earth by what distance?

           (a)  two inches             (b)  two feet            (c)  two yards            (d)  two miles?

A.  4:  The correct answer is (a)  two Inches.

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Q.  5:  What do you call a triangle with two equal sides and equal opposite angles?

A.  5:  It is known as an ‘Isosceles Triangle’.

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Q.  6:  Where is the world’s largest aquarium located?

A.  6:  At Disney World’s Epcot Center in Florida.

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Q.  7:  What continent do camels originally come from?

A.  7:  North America, not Africa.

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Q.  8:  And on which continent do you find the most camels today?

A.  8:  Australia.

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Q.  9:  What are the first and the last letters of the Greek Alphabet? (You need both to score a point.)

A.  9:  Alpha and Omega.

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Q. 10:  What does the chemical symbol ‘U’ represent?

A. 10:  Uranium.

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Q. 11:  What word is used to describe someone who is neither left handed nor right handed, but can use both hands with equal ease?

A. 11:  Ambidextrous.

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Q. 12:  What type of insect is a ‘Spanish fly’?

A. 12:  It is a ‘Beetle’.

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Q. 13:  What is 61 degrees Fahrenheit in degrees Celsius?

A. 13:  This is one of the easy ones to remember, just reverse the numbers, 61 degrees Fahrenheit is 16 degrees Celsius.

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Q. 14:  What allegedly happened to British scientist Sir Isaac Newton that made him think about his theory of universal gravitation?

A. 14:  The story goes that an apple fell on his head.

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Q. 15:  The sum of two numbers is 53 and their difference is 9. What are the two numbers?

A. 15:  22 and 31.

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Q. 16:  What two creatures are on the Australian coat of arms?

A. 16:  A Kangaroo and an Emu.

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Q. 17:  What planet in our solar system has the strongest surface winds?

A. 17:  Neptune. (If you guessed ‘Uranus’ you don’t get a point but I like the way you think.)

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Q. 18:  What are sticks of blackboard chalk made from?

A. 18:  Gypsum (Calcium Sulphate).

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Q. 19:  What is the wizard called ‘Olórin’ from ‘The Lord Of The Rings’ better known as?

A. 19:  He is better known as ‘Gandalf’.

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Q. 20:  How many colors are there in a rainbow?

A. 20:  Seven. Known as the spectral colors they are red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet.   What do you think, Peggy….

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It’s The Quiz Of The Week!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to another week and to another quiz.

The usual random selection of subjects and difficulties.

And if you get stuck you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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Q.  1:  What does ‘VSOP’ stand for on a bottle of Brandy?

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Q.  2:  What country has not fought in a war since 1815?

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Q.  3:  What ethnic group was largely responsible for building most of the early railways in the U.S. West?

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Q.  4:  What animal is the symbol of the World Wildlife Fund?

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Q.  5:  Which is the only country in the world which has the Bible on its national flag?

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Q.  6:  What is the total if you add the number of months with thirty-one days to the number of months that have twenty-eight days?

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Q.  7:  What does the term ‘Prima Donna’ mean in Opera?

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Q.  8:  What is a ‘Portuguese Man o’ War’?

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Q.  9:  What color is orange blossom?

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Q. 10:  People who are ‘color blind’ cab detect some colors but have difficulty distinguishing between two in particular, what are they?

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Q. 11:  What is the three dimensional image created by laser beams called?

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Q. 12:  Who was the first U.S. President to adopt the informal version of his first name?

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Q. 13:  Organic chemistry is the study of materials that must contain which element?

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Q. 14:  What famous and influential Theologian claimed he could drive away the devil with a fart?

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Q. 15:  What is the liquid inside a coconut called?

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Q. 16:  In which month is the ‘October Revolution’ celebrated in Russia?

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Q. 17:  What are the next three prime numbers after 37?

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Q. 18:  This one is the name of a flower and the colored part of the eye, what is it?

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Q. 19:  What bird features in the poem, ‘The Rime of the Ancient Mariner’ by the English poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge?

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Q. 20:  Named after the characters in the Tin Tin cartoon series, how many people were in the band The Thompson Twins?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  What does ‘VSOP’ stand for on a bottle of Brandy?

A.  1:  Very Superior Old Pale.

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Q.  2:  What country has not fought in a war since 1815?

A.  2:  Switzerland.

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Q.  3:  What ethnic group was largely responsible for building most of the early railways in the U.S. West?

A.  3:  The Chinese.

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Q.  4:  What animal is the symbol of the World Wildlife Fund?

A.  4:  Giant Panda.

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Q.  5:  Which is the only country in the world which has the Bible on its national flag?

A.  5:  Dominican Republic.

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Q.  6:  What is the total if you add the number of months with thirty-one days to the number of months that have twenty-eight days?

A.  6:  The answer is 19.  Seven months have 31 days (January, March, May, July, August, October and December) and of course all twelve months have 28 days!

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Q.  7:  What does the term ‘Prima Donna’ mean in Opera?

A.  7:  Leading Female Opera Singer.

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Q.  8:  What is a ‘Portuguese Man o’ War’?

A.  8:  It is a sea-dwelling jellyfish-like invertebrate. Strangely though, the Portuguese never had a warship called a Man o’ War, and the Portuguese name for the jellyfish-like creature is Caravela Portuguesa, referring to an earlier Portuguese sailing ship design used for exploration in the 15-16th Centuries.

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Q.  9:  What color is orange blossom?

A.  9:  White.

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Q. 10:  People who are ‘color blind’ cab detect some colors but have difficulty distinguishing between two in particular, what are they?

A. 10:  They are the primary colors Red & Green.

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Q. 11:  What is the three dimensional image created by laser beams called?

A. 11:  A Hologram.

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Q. 12:  Who was the first U.S. President to adopt the informal version of his first name?

A. 12:  Jimmy Carter.

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Q. 13:  Organic chemistry is the study of materials that must contain which element?

A. 13:  Carbon.

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Q. 14:  What famous and influential Theologian claimed he could drive away the devil with a fart?

A. 14:  Martin Luther.

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Q. 15:  What is the liquid inside a coconut called?

A. 15:  It is called Coconut water.  (Coconut milk, popularly thought to be the liquid inside a coconut, is made from the flesh of the coconut.)

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Q. 16:  In which month is the ‘October Revolution’ celebrated in Russia?

A. 16:  November. (Come on, it was never going to be that obvious!)

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Q. 17:  What are the next three prime numbers after 37?

A. 17:  They are all in the forties  41,  43  and  47.

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Q. 18:  This one is the name of a flower and the colored part of the eye, what is it?

A. 18:  Iris.

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Q. 19:  What bird features in the poem, ‘The Rime of the Ancient Mariner’ by the English poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge?

A. 19:  An Albatross.

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Q. 20:  Named after the characters in the Tin Tin cartoon series, how many people were in the band The Thompson Twins?

A. 20:  Three. Here they are….

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Last Quiz For This April.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to the last quiz for this April.

A good mixture of questions this week, some very easy and few that should sort out the serious quizzers from the casual players.

As usual if you get stuck the answers can be found waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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Q.  1:  What does the ‘Q’ in ‘Q-tips’ stand for?

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Q.  2:  How many curves are in a standard paper clip?

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Q.  3:  In which river are the 1000 islands?

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Q.  4:  The scene of a famous battle, the city of Montevideo is located at the mouth of which river?

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Q.  5:  During World War II, the largest Japanese spy ring was located where?

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Q.  6:  In which country was the “angel of the north” erected in 1998?

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Q.  7:  What 6 colors are on the classic Campbell’s soup label? (A point for each.)

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Q.  8:  She was the leader of the British movement for  female suffrage and in 1903 founded the Women’s Political Union which agitated for votes for women, but died in 1928 just before full voting rights were granted. Who was she?

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Q.  9:  On the United States “Stars and Stripes” flag, is the top stripe red or white?

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Q. 10:  Which German leader was known as the ‘Iron Chancellor’?

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Q. 11:  Name the character who said, “I do wish we could chat longer but I’m having an old friend for dinner” and the movie from which it comes? (A point for each correct answer.)

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Q. 12:  Which way do fans rotate?

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Q. 13:  England’s King Henry VIII is infamous for having six wives and for having some of them executed by beheading. But how many of the six wives lost their heads?

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Q. 14:  If ‘Lady’ is a pedigree spaniel what is the name of the mongrel?

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Q. 15:  Whose face is on a dime? 

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Q. 16:  The now famous line “Show me the money” comes from what well known movie?

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Q. 17:  Which country did Xerxes rule?

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Q. 18:  Who is missing from this list?

Sleepy,   Happy,   Sneezy,   Grumpy,   Dopey,   Doc.

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Q. 19:  Which actor in 1962 was the first to say the immortal line “The name is Bond – James Bond”  and in which movie? (A point for each correct answer.)

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Q. 20:  Who sang about the ‘Witchita line man’?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  What does the ‘Q’ in ‘Q-tips’ stand for?

A.  1:  The ‘Q’ in ‘Q-tips’ stands for ‘quality’.

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Q.  2:  How many curves are in a standard paper clip?

A.  2:  There are 3 curves on a standard paper clip. (Did you have to look?)

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Q.  3:  In which river are the 1000 islands?

A.  3:  In the St Lawrence River.

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Q.  4:  The scene of a famous battle, the city of Montevideo is located at the mouth of which river?

A.  4:  The River Plate  (Rio de la Plate).

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Q.  5:  During World War II, the largest Japanese spy ring was located where?

A.  5:  The largest Japanese spy ring during WWII was not in the U.S. but in Mexico, where it spied on the U.S. Atlantic Fleet.

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Q.  6:  In which country was the “angel of the north” erected in 1998?

A.  6:  In England.

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Q.  7:  What 6 colors are on the classic Campbell’s soup label? (A point for each.)

A.  7:  Blue, red, white, yellow, black, and gold.

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Q.  8:  She was the leader of the British movement for  female suffrage and in 1903 founded the Women’s Political Union which agitated for votes for women, but died in 1928 just before full voting rights were granted. Who was she?

A.  8:  Emmeline Pankhurst.

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Q.  9:  On the United States “Stars and Stripes” flag, is the top stripe red or white?

A.  9:  It is Red. (Again I hope you didn’t have to look!)

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Q. 10:  Which German leader was known as the ‘Iron Chancellor’?

A. 10:  Bismarck.

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Q. 11:  Name the character who said, “I do wish we could chat longer but I’m having an old friend for dinner” and the movie from which it comes? (A point for each correct answer.)

A. 11:  Hannibal Lecter said it in the Silence of the Lambs.

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Q. 12:  Which way do fans rotate?

A. 12:  Clockwise as you look at it

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Q. 13:  England’s King Henry VIII is infamous for having six wives and for having some of them executed by beheading. But how many of the six wives lost their heads?

A. 13:  Only two, people usually think it is more.

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Q. 14:  If ‘Lady’ is a pedigree spaniel what is the name of the mongrel?

A. 14:  His name is ‘Tramp’, from the animated feature ‘Lady and the Tramp’.

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Q. 15:  Whose face is on a dime?

A. 15:  US President Franklin D Roosevelt.

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Q. 16:  The now famous line “Show me the money” comes from what well known movie?

A. 16:  The movie was ‘Jerry Maguire’, starring Tom Cruise and Cuba Gooding Jr.

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Q. 17:  Which country did Xerxes rule?

A. 17:  Persia.

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Q. 18:  Who is missing from this list?

Sleepy,   Happy,   Sneezy,   Grumpy,   Dopey,   Doc. 

A. 18:  Bashful is missing, he was afraid to appear.

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Q. 19:  Which actor in 1962 was the first to say the immortal line “The name is Bond – James Bond”  and in which movie? (A point for each correct answer.)

A. 19:  Sean Connery in Dr No.

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Q. 20:  Who sang about the ‘Witchita line man’?

A. 20:  Glen Campbell.

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Did You Know? Facts, Facts And More Facts.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Fact day again on the fasab blog.

Another twenty things you probably don’t know now, but not to worry, you will do soon if you read on.

Enjoy.

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Before Gmail, “G-Mail” was the name of a free

email service offered by Garfield’s website.

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In America the bonnets and caps of city fire hydrants

are painted certain colors to alert firefighters

to the amount of water pressure available from that hydrant.

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It isn’t water itself that conducts electricity,

but the impurities found in it.

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Richard Hollingshead of Camden, N.J., built the first

drive-in theater in his driveway.

The idea was inspired by his mother who was a large woman

who found the seats at regular movie theaters uncomfortable.

He made it with a sheet strung between two trees and

a movie projector mounted to the hood of his car.

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Washington state’s Mt. Rainier is the tallest

volcano in the contiguous United States,

measuring nearly 14,500 feet in height.

It last erupted in 1854.

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Despite their menacing appearance and fierce name,

dragonflies cannot sting and are harmless to human beings.

.

.

When referring to China, make sure

to say the People’s Republic of China.

Leave off “People’s” and you’re talking about Taiwan.

.

.

Approximately one quarter of the United States’

homeless population are war veterans.

(Shameful statistic!)

.

.

The inventors of bubble wrap,

Alfred Fielding and Marc Chavannes,

were originally trying to make plastic wallpaper.

.

.

The toilet featured in Hitchcock’s Psycho

was the first flushing toilet to appear on-screen.

.

.

Frankincense, one of the precious items

the wise men gave the baby Jesus,

was actually an ancient form of chewing gum

.

.

The poinsettia is named after former

congressman and ambassador Joel Poinsett,

who introduced the plant to the United States in the 1800s.

.

.

Peridots are the only gems that

have been found in meteorites.

.

.

The longest jellyfish on record measured 160 feet,

more than half the length of a football field.

.

.

All holly trees are gender specific – male or female.

Only the female holly tree bears fruit (berries),

and in order to do so there must be a male

pollinated tree within a two mile radius of her.

.

.

Two-thirds of the world’s lawyers live in the United States.

.

.

The Hard Rock Café got its name from a now-defunct bar that

appeared on the back of the Doors’ album Morrison Hotel.

.

.

When cranberries are ripe, they bounce like a rubber ball.

.

.

Due to the “naughty” dancing of the can-can girls and

the scantily clad models on 1800s French postcards,

the British equated anything risqué with France.

In fact, that’s how the phrase “pardon my French” entered the vernacular.

.

.

Scott Joplin’s famous piano song, “Maple Leaf Rag,”

was not named for the leaf or for Canada:

it was named for the Maple Leaf Club,

a social gathering place in Sedalia, Missouri.

.

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Did You Know? More From The Strange Fact File

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Here is another very random selection of strange facts from fasab’s files.

As with other in this series, by the time you have read these you will know more than you did and possible more than you want to.

But have a look anyway.

Enjoy.

.

.

The adult electric eel can produce a five hundred volt shock,

which is enough to stun a horse

– and I don’t mean a seahorse!

.

. 

As an iceberg melts, it makes a fizzing sound
because of the compressed air bubbles popping in the ice

. 

. 

Kermit the frog delivered the commencement address

at Southampton College located in the state of New York in 1996

. 

. 

The mythical Scottish town of Brigadoon

appears for one day every one hundred years

. 

. 

A rainbow can occur only when the sun

is 40 degrees or less above the horizon

. 

. 

The most common injury caused by cosmetics

is to the eye by a mascara wand

. 

. 

The sound made by the toadfish when mating underwater

is so loud that it can be heard by humans on the shore

. 

. 

In America, approximately 20% of children between

the ages of 2 – 7 have televisions in their rooms

. 

. 

Families who do turn off the television during meals tend to eat healthier.

This was regardless of family income, or education

. 

. 

Two out of five people end up marrying their first love

. 

. 

Forty-one percent of women apply body and

hand moisturizer at least three times a day

. 

. 

Scientists have determined that having guilty feelings

may actually damage your immune system

. 

. 

The first box of Crayola that was ever sold

had the same eight colours that are sold in the box today

consisting of red, blue, yellow, green, violet, orange, black and brown.

The box was sold for a nickel in 1903

. 

. 

The best time for a person to buy shoes is in the afternoon.

This is because the foot tends to swell a bit around this time

. 

. 

According to psychologists, the shoe and the foot

are the most common sources of sexual fetishism in Western society

. 

. 

Bank robber John Dillinger played professional baseball

John Dillinger top left

. 

. 

The first company to mass produce teddy bears was the Ideal Toy Company

. 

. 

Flight pioneer and pilot, Orville Wright,

was involved in the first aircraft accident.

His passenger was killed.

. 

. 

The mother of famous astronomer Johannes Kepler

was accused of being a witch

Johannes Kepler 1610

. 

. 

In the past 60 years, the groundhog has only predicted

the weather correctly 28% of the time.

The rushing back and forth from burrows

is believed to indicate sexual activity, not shadow seeking

. 

=================================

. 

It’s An Ill Wind….

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

The original title of this post was “Farting On Airplanes” because it is really about farting on airplanes, but I thought it might be better just to call it “It’s An Ill Wind”.

No, come on, now you know don’t turn your noses up, or pretend this is something that (a) you’ve never thought about, or (b) never done. Farting on airplanes is an international phenomenon that transcends all nationalities, religions, ages, creeds, classes and colors.

It is in fact the common bond of all the world’s travelers.

Whether it can ever bring us closer together, however, is another thing (Phew!)

.

This is a quite embarrassing story. Not something one would normally admit to, but people write unusual things on blogs.

It concerns one of the first long haul flights that I was ever on.

Nowadays, as a seasoned flyer, I always have a good meal before the flight. I don’t suffer from air sickness of any kind and I don’t care for the stuff they call airline food. Back then, however, I was a novice and ended up on board without any breakfast other than a cup of coffee. My stomach was empty – of food anyhow.

All was well for about twenty or thirty minutes and then it started.

The obvious solution would have been to get up and go to the toilet. But easy options aren’t the way I have gone through life so far.

Also it was a big plane, a 747, and the toilets were quite a bit away from my seat. I would face a long walk down the narrow aisle.

Not that the walk itself was the problem. It was just that whoever designs airline seats has arranged things so that the nose and ears of the person sitting down is just about at the same height as the bottom of the person walking casually past.

You see the predicament?

In any case, I found myself in a window seat with two other seats to negotiate before I got to the aisle. Such was the pressure building up that I feared the exertion of hopping over the additional seats would make the whole purpose of the journey somewhat redundant.

There was nothing for it but to stay where I was, with the unfortunate choice being either bursting or releasing some of the pressure. Not unnaturally I chose to do the latter option.

As these things go it was a substantial outcome. But the drone of the plane engines (they were a lot louder in those days, I think, I hope, weren’t they?) seemed to drown out any other background noises.

I didn’t hear a thing.

I double checked by having a quick look at the person unfortunate enough to be sitting beside me, but there was no sign in the expression on his face that anything untoward had happened. Either that or he was a professional poker player with a practiced deadpan expression – or in a state of semi consciousness as a result of the concussive force emanating from the seat beside him.

My confidence grew. I thought of the famous campfire scene from Blazing Saddles and let a few more go in tribute.

.

I was so happy at the relief and at the fact that all was undetected that I allowed myself a triumphant smile, and then even a laugh. The movie I was watching was a comedy so my laughter didn’t look out of place either.

It was all good.

Hang on a minute.

All was not as good as it seemed.

Cut the laughter and cue serious worried face.

I suddenly realized that all this time I had been wearing the headphones the flight attendant had given us for the movies they were showing. No wonder I had heard nothing!

Oh dear me! What had I done?

Well, I knew what I had done, of course. The big question now was, did anyone else know? Had they heard me doing it?

I looked again at the man in the seat beside me. Again no perceivable reaction on his face that indicated that anything out of the ordinary had happened, although now I was aware of them I saw that he too was wearing the headphones.   

I was relieved a bit, but still very curious. And when I get curious about something I have to try to find an answer.

So there was nothing for it but let rip again, this time with my headphones off.

And that’s what I did.

Thankfully, in the interests of the scientific experiment now under way, the quality of the offending item had not diminished in force. A guy knows about these things even without any audio feedback.

To my great relief, in every meaning of the word, I still didn’t hear a thing. The drone of the airplane engines had indeed drowned out any other sounds.

It was a magnificently liberating experience and from that day on I have never looked back, as it were.

Further experimentation revealed that the same undetectable result could be achieved even on much smaller airplanes. Commercial jets I’m talking about, of course, this is not a sport to indulge in on a single engined Cesna or something like that.

I also found out that it is possible I have been saving the airlines lucky enough to win my custom a small fortune. As you know the air in airplanes these days is all re-circulated and, as the methane content of a fart is lighter than air, the captured gas therefore contributes to keeping the airplane airborne with a consequent saving on fuel. That’s my story anyhow.

.

And the good news just keeps on coming.

Independent research confirms that a person’s sense of smell is greatly suppressed in the reduced cabin air pressure, which incidentally is also why airplane food tastes so bad. 

So now if you are on an airplane and sitting beside someone who is chuckling to himself – or herself, yes ladies your secret is out – you’ll know the real reason why!

One day it might even be me!!!

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