It’s Another Word Play Day, So Time For Some More Puns

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A few more bad jokes wrapped up as puns. I am slightly amazed, but also pleased, that the puns have been received so well by most readers. So it wasn’t only me!  

Enjoy.

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Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn’t know how to conduct itself.

 

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When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon, they gave him the cold shoulder.      

 

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The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

 

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The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.       

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Greengrocers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed.

 

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A noun and a verb were dating but they broke up because the noun was too possessive.

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I didn’t want to buy leather shoes, but eventually I was suede.

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For plumbers, a flush beats a full house.           

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A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. 

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I just got my permit to harvest shrimp in the Antarctic. Now I have a licence to Krill.

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I don’t think I need a spine. It’s holding me back.           

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What did the triangle say to the circle? You’re so pointless.

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Old colanders never die, they just can’t take the strain anymore.

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I probably have blind spots, but I don’t see them.

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After winter, the trees are relieved.

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Calves take well to bottle feeding because one nipple is as good as an udder.

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The shareholders of a compass manufacturer were concerned that the company wasn’t heading in the right direction.

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I’m bad at math, so the equation 2n+2n is 4n to me.

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The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.

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The proctologist reassured the patient that his condition could be rectified.

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It’s The Jokes You Love To Hate!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
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What better way to begin November than with another selection of those jokes that we just love to hate?

Okay,okay, I’m sure there are a lot better ways, but these will have to do for now.

Enjoy!

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I used to do rock climbing as a youth, but I was much boulder back then.

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He said I was average – but I thought he was just being mean.

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It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

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When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon, they gave him the cold shoulder.

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What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

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I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.

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I get my large circumference from too much pi.

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Alcohol and calculus don’t mix so don’t drink and derive.

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It’s better to love a short girl than not a tall.

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Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.
The doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

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When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent.

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A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering.

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Is a cardboard belt just a waist of paper?

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A friend told me he dug a hole in my backyard and filled it with water.
I thought he meant well.

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The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn’t the sole owner
– there were strings attached.

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Math teachers have lots of problems.

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I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn’t help me.

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For a while, Houdini used a lot of trap doors in his act,
but he was just going through a stage.

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He didn’t tell his mother that he ate some glue.
His lips were sealed.

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It’s a fact, taller people sleep longer in bed.

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