I Made A Chicken Salad Today. It Didn’t Even Eat It.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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There’s no ingratitude like the ingratitude of a chicken when you specially prepare a meal for it.

Still I can always make some soup!

Want some more word play?

Try these.

Enjoy or endure!!

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When someone says they are not in denial,

I never know whether to believe them…

 

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What’s another name

for an angry feminist?

A feminist.

 

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My girlfriend said I’m afraid of commitment.

Well…

I wouldn’t really call her my girlfriend.

 

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I haven’t slept for ten days,

because that would be too long.

 

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Newspaper headline:

Air strike planned

Well I hope it doesn’t last long,

I can’t hold my breath for more than 30 seconds.

 

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I once went out with a girl called simile,

I don’t know what I metaphor.

 

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The grenade factory is the one place

where being able to hear a pin drop

is a bad thing

 

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I had a camera but,

whenever I photographed people,

they came out looking bald-headed…

it was then I realized that

I was using Kojak film.

 

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Are Dementia and Alzheimers

two separate illnesses

or are they one and the same thing?

I can never remember.

 

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A minor background part actor

walks into a massage parlour and

asks if they are willing to provide sexual services.

The lady replies

“Sorry love, we don’t do extras.”

 

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My Grandad’s so old

that he remembers

when X Factor was

just a Roman Sun cream

 

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My girlfriend told me that

my Tom Petty obsession

is getting out of hand,

but I won’t back down on this one.

No I won’t

Back

Down

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A Conversation With The Cat.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I was walking through the house

the other day with my camera

when I spotted the cat lying on a sofa.

“Hi there.” I said. “Whatya doin?”

“Just chilling out here on the sofa,’” she said.

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“I have a joke for you,” I said.

So I told her a joke.

It must have been a good one,

my how she laughed.

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Then I asked,

“Mind if I take your photo?”

“Oh no, no way,” she replied.

“I haven’t combed my fur or anything.”

 

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Thinking Of Buying A Smart Phone?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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We all know that one of Steve Jobs favorite things was selling people well designed goods at vastly over inflated prices. People who were obsessed by having the latest gimmicks, bought his stuff in droves at whatever price Jobs put on them and in the process made Apple one of the richest companies in the world.

That’s what you call business, not quite ethical perhaps, but if you can get away with it and you can find people who are silly enough to pay far too much for your goods then why not?

What the creation of this ‘new’ market also did was spawn clones or look-a-likes from companies wanting to cash in on the windfall initially created by Apple.

Many of these are quite legitimate, like the Samsung Galaxy models which have become just as popular as the iPhones and are just as good, if not better, IMHO.

But what has also happened is that the same success has spawned a series of non-legitimate clones – from China – which look the same and provide many of the same functions, although the build quality as with much of the junk emanating from China is very poor.

Apple Iphone, Samsung Galaxy S5, Star N9500

So, getting back to the question posed in the title of this post, if you are thinking of buying yourself a smart phone – and you are also thinking of saving a bit of money and buying one of those iPhone or Samsung Galaxy look-a-likes from China – think again.

This week a German firm called ‘G Data’ (which has a US subsidiary) released information that a popular brand of Chinese-made smart phone, the ‘Star N9500’, which is sold internationally by several major retailers, including Amazon.com, has been found to contain pre-installed monitoring software – that’s spy software to you and me.

G Data said it discovered the spy software hidden deep inside the proprietary software found on the Star N9500, which is a cheap smart phone based on the popular Samsung Galaxy S4.

The hidden software contained within the phone’s operating system includes applications that could allow a third party to access and steal the telephone user’s personal information.

There are also secret applications that could permit a hacker to place calls from the telephone, or utilize the device’s microphone and camera without the consent of its owner.

And malware like this can not only allow hackers to access the telephone, but also any computers connected to it.

It was also discovered that the stolen data was being sent to a server based in, where else, China.

Adding to the intrigue, G Data’s team of experts and several journalists tried for “over a week” to track down the manufacturer of the Star N9500 by contacting several companies located in China’s southern province of Shenzhen, known as the center of the country’s telecommunications industry, but were unable to do so.

This isn’t the first time hidden spyware has been discovered in the operating software of telecommunications hardware made in China, and it probably won’t be the last.

But don’t get completely paranoid just because you read this post or other articles like it.

Just realize that the convenience that this latest technology provides, also provides criminals (which includes spying governments, you listening ennn esss ey?) easier access to your personal information.

And act accordingly.

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Did You Know – Another Fasab Fact Feast!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hello and welcome to another fasab fact feast.

Time to indulge in a little trivia and unusual facts that you can use to impress your friends when the moment is just right. And they will be impressed I’m sure!

So here is today’s selection.

Enjoy.

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The new double-decker Airbus A380 airliner

holds 323,546 liters or 85,472 US gallons of fuel.

A Boeing 747 airliner holds 57,285 gallons!

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A car uses 1.6 ounces of gas idling for one minute.

Half an ounce is used to start the average automobile!

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When glass breaks,

the cracks move faster than 3,000 miles per hour.

To photograph the event,

a camera must shoot at a millionth of a second!

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The Nobel Peace Prize medal depicts three naked men

with their hands on each other’s shoulders!

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There are 18 different animal shapes

in the Animal Crackers cookie zoo!

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The Philadelphia mint produces

26 million pennies per day!

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A lightning bolt generates temperatures five times

hotter than those found at the sun’s surface!

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Jim Caviezel was struck by lightening while he

was on the cross in ‘Passion of the Christ’.

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A violin contains about seventy

separate pieces of wood!

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It is estimated that 4 million “junk” telephone calls,

phone solicitations by persons

or programmed machine

are made every day in the United States!

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It takes glass one million years to decompose,

which means it never wears out and can

be recycled an infinite amount of times!

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Forest fires move faster uphill than downhill!

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Michael Myers mask in Halloween

is just a Captain Kirk mask

altered slightly and painted white.

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Almost half the newspapers in the world are

published in the United States and Canada!

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Canadians Scott Abbott and Chris Haney invented Trivial Pursuit.

They were planning on playing Scrabble

and realized that some of the pieces were missing

so they came up with the idea of making their own game;

Trivial Pursuit

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Perfectly Timed Photos, Part Five

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to another weekend and the final selection of perfectly timed photographs.

Since this is the last in this short series I am going to let the animals have the final word, or the final look might be more accurate.

Below is a mixture of domesticated and wild animals all caught on camera at exactly the right moment in time to produce fascinating and sometimes very funny pictures.

Hope you enjoy this final (for the moment) selection.

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Things Your Grand-kids Will Probably Never Know

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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We all happen to be living during a time when there are great advances and changes being made in the way we live our lives. Some of them are to our benefit, other not so much so.

Politically and financially the world is in turmoil. There is an accelerating and inevitable shift of power and influence towards the east, with former great powers like Britain and America declining in their influence and their economic might.

Perhaps that is a natural phenomenon, after all as they say “every dog has its day”, but I happen to believe that a lot of it is due to stupidity and mismanagement allied with a self-defeating philosophy that the west somehow has a duty to police the world and to create nanny states for its citizens where they will neither have to work nor want.

Technologically there have also been many changes and many more to come. During the past twenty years with the advent and growth of the internet everything has changed, from the way we interact socially, to how and where we work, and how we manage our affairs whether that be banking, shopping or whatever.

What a lot of these changes mean is that future generations will have no idea of how our lives used to be. Already many of us who have lived through the changes have forgotten how we used to have to do things. What would it be like trying to explain the ‘old days’ to a generation with absolutely no point of reference to the world we were born into?

To remind you of how it used to be here is a list of some of things we have known and lost, consigned to the rubbish bin of history. Feel free to add your own items to this list of things that your grand-kids will probably never know.

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Libraries as a place to get books rather than a place to use the internet.

Dewey Decimal System

Finding books in a card catalog at the library.

A physical dictionary — either for spelling or definitions.

Reference books such as phone books, encyclopaedias

Finding out information from an encyclopedia.

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Having to manually unlock a car door.

Looking out the window during a long drive.

Using a road atlas to get from A to B.

Getting lost in a world without GPS.

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Being able to add and subtract without a calculator

Long division and multiplication

Trig tables and log tables.

Slide rules

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House phones

Phone books and Yellow Pages.

Rotary-dial telephones.

Pay phones.

Phones with actual bells in them.

Answering machines.

Fax machines.

Not knowing who was calling you on the phone.

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Super-8 movies and cine film of all kinds.

Betamax tapes.

Video tapes and renting movies

Inserting a VHS tape into a VCR to watch a movie or to record something.

Laserdiscs.

8-track cartridges.

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Casette Tapes

Vinyl records. Even today’s DJs are going laptop or CD.

CDs and DVDs

Playing music on an audio tape using a personal stereo.

Taping songs off the radio

A Walkman.

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Rotary tuners that scanned the radio dial and hearing static between stations as you went through the ether.

Shortwave radio.

CB radios.

Rotary dial televisions with no remote control. You know, the ones where the kids were the remote control.

Waiting for the television-network premiere to watch a movie after its run at the theater.

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DOS.

The buzz of a dot-matrix printer

5- and 3-inch floppies, Zip Discs and countless other forms of data storage.

Booting your computer off of a floppy disk.

Tweaking the volume setting on your tape deck to get a computer game to load, and waiting ages for it to actually do it.

Counting in kilobytes.

Joysticks.

Having to delete something to make room on your hard drive.

Waiting several minutes (or even hours!) to download something.

When a ‘geek’ and a ‘nerd’ were one and the same.

NCSA Mosaic.

Netscape

Alta Vista

Being able to get a domain name consisting of real words.

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Cash.

Writing a check.

Doing bank business only when the bank is open.

Shopping only during the day, Monday to Saturday.

Being able to buy something in Walmart that isn’t made in China

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Privacy.

Being able to take a drive or walk down the street without being surveilled on numerous cameras

Not knowing exactly what all of your friends are doing and thinking at every moment.

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Carrying on a correspondence with real letters, especially the handwritten kind.

Neat handwriting.

Spelling

Grammar

The fact that words generally don’t have num8er5 in them.

Typewriters.

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Putting film in your camera

Sending that film away to be processed.

Having physical prints of photographs come back to you.

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Vacuum cleaners with bags in them.

Ashtrays

Roller skates, as opposed to blades.

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Now Why Didn’t I Ask That? – It’s Another Twenty Questions For Tuesday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Although some of these questions are a bit daft, some of them have a “Now why didn’t I ask that” quality about them too. So why didn’t you, and if you didn’t does that mean you know the answers?

Enjoy!

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Why do they say an American football team is the ‘world champion’ when they don’t play anybody outside the US?

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Do stuttering people stutter when they’re thinking to themselves?

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If you put a chameleon in a room full of mirrors, what color would it turn?

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What are the handles for corn on the cob called?

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Why do British people never sound British when they sing?

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Why do we press the start button to turn off the computer?

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Do your eyes change color when you die?

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If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?

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Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

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How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?

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If K.F.C Stands for ‘Kentucky Fried Chicken’, Why do they play sweet home Alabama on the commercials?

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If people with one arm go to get their nails done, do they pay half price?

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What type of animal is Snuffaluffagus?

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If you had a three story house and were on the second floor, isn’t it possible that you can be upstairs and downstairs at the same time?

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Why do they call it ‘getting your dog fixed’ if afterwards it doesn’t work anymore?

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Does a ‘Marks-A-Lot’ marker, mark any more than a regular marker?

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What happens when you put a lightsaber in water?

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If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?

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How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

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Do movie producers still say “lights, camera, and action” when it is a dark scene?

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