I Love Grandfather Clocks. Big Time!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

And I love puns as well.

So brace yourselves for another selection of word plays.

Enjoy or endure!!

.

rofl

.

It pains me to say it,

but I have a sore throat

 sore throat

.

.

There was a knock at the door this morning,

so I opened it and there was a basin on the doorstep.

I thought, “I’d better let this sink in.”

 sink

.

.

For the record I bought

a vinyl cleaning machine

 record

.

.

Having just punched a midget selling watches,

I know I’ve hit an all time low.

 watches

.

.

Are there any fat people in Finland?

 fat people in Finland

.

.

Have you ever wondered what the

word for ‘dot’ looks like in braille?

 braille

.

.

My girlfriend broke up with me

because of my obsession with puzzles.

There were a lot of cross words

 crossword

.

.

I can’t undo wrongs.

But I can write them.

 write

.

.

A friend dared me to steal a

flat-bottomed boat from the river.

I thought, “Why not. I’ll take a punt.”

 punt

.

.

Everyone loved the baker.

He had a massive flan base.

 massive flan

.

.

I don’t regard being a toastmaster a job,

it’s more a calling.

 toastmaster

.

.

The ten largest baseball stadiums hold

between 46,000 – 56,000 people.

Just some ballpark figures for you.

 baseball stadium

.

.

My girlfriend asked me what I’d do with my life if I lost her.

I said it would be like breaking a pencil.

She said, “Do you mean it would be pointless?”

I said, “No, I’d just go out and buy another one.”

 breaking a pencil

.

.

I’ve just bought some ghost-shaped laxative tablets.

They scare the crap out of me.

ghost-shaped laxative

.

===============================

.

You Know What They Used To Say In The Middle Ages, “Resistance Is Feudal”

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Happily we don’t live in the middle ages, so now resistance is futile.

If you haven’t guessed already….

It’s pun day!

Enjoy.

.

rofl

.

I’m in a band called Atom

We’ll never split.

Stylised_Lithium_Atom

.

I’ve been drawing bar graphs, pie charts

and venn diagrams all over walls in town.

I’m a graphitti artist.

bar graphs, pie charts and venn diagrams

.

. 

We were going for a picnic today and my husband

asked me to get some ice and a cooler bag.

I thought, “That’s a bit harsh,

there’s nothing wrong with my current bag”.

cooler_bag_full

.

Can someone give me a definition of homosexuality,

in lay-men’s terms?

gay_closet

.

On the investment front I’m worried that my shares in a

major cordial company are going to be diluted.

raspberry-cordial

.

Don’t trust people who avoid the sun.

They’re shady.

shady people

.

Signing up to a mailing list has done nothing to

quell my addiction for German poetry.

I’m getting verse by the day.

German poetry

.

According to a survey,

seven out of ten people use the double negative.

I ain’t never heard such nonsense in my life.

do not put nothing here

.

The horse came galloping towards me,

the sun glistening off the rider’s armour, helmet and lance,

which I realised was aimed at my head.

Man, those knight-vision goggles are really awesome!

knight

.

Running a bingo hall is more than just a job.

It’s a calling.

bingo-hall

.

Whilst on holiday near lake Geneva

I purchased a large bottle of mineral water

I struggled to carry it though,

it was an evian.

evian bottle

.

There are two i’s in narcissist

and they absolutely hate each other.

narcissism-and-preaching

.

After a terrible Chinese meal last night, I refused to pay.

Unfortunately the chef heard what I said and pinned me up against the wall,

threatening me with a pan unless I paid up.

Talk about being stuck between a wok and a hard place.

AntCreationsChineseChef

.

I saw a man with a bald patch earlier.

I thought, “He’s obviously trying to cut down, or quit being bald”.

bald-spot

.

It appears that smoking heroin is

far better for addicts than injecting it,

needleless to say.

druggie cartoon

.

A girl from Prague stopped me in town earlier and

asked where the best shop for clothes was.

I said “Check Republic.”

republic store

.

What do you call a brittle Scotsman?

A Glasswegian.

Scotsman

.

I hate it when people make jokes about Vietnam.

It Hanoi’s me.

Vietnam Map

.

. 

Jay-Z? A psychiatrist?

Must be Shrink Rap.

jay-z

.

We spent a fortune on electrocution lessons for our son.

Until he learned to speak properly.

.

.

====================================

.