Some More Politicians Who Managed To Get Their Feet In Their Mouths.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It always amazes me that politicians, who should be well aware that every word they say will be recorded somewhere, are so prone to speak without thinking.

On the other hand maybe they do think about what they are going to say and see nothing wrong with it. That is a very distinct possibility.

Either way it’s good for the rest of us.

We all like to laugh and who better to laugh at than a stupid politician.

Enjoy.

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”Feminism was established so as

to allow unattractive women easier access

to the mainstream of society.”

Rush Limbaugh

 Rush Limbaugh

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“Schwarzenegger is going to find out that,

unlike a Hollywood movie set,

the bullets coming at him in this campaign

are going to be real bullets.”

Bob Mulholland, campaign adviser

for the California Democratic Party

 Bob-Mulholland

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 “We are not without accomplishment.

We have managed to distribute poverty equally.”

Nguen Co Thatch,

Vietnamese Foreign Minister.

 Nguen Co Thatch, Vietnamese Foreign Minister

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“When the President does it

that means that it’s not illegal.”

Richard M. Nixon

 Richard M. Nixon

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“During my service in

the United States Congress,

I took the initiative in

creating the Internet.”

 Al Gore.

 Al Gore

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“Exercise freaks

… are the ones putting stress

on the health care system.”

Rush Limbaugh

 Rush Limbaugh 2

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“Capital punishment is our way

of demonstrating the sanctity of life.”

Orrin Hatch

 Orrin Hatch

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“If you’ve seen one city slum,

you’ve seen them all.”

Spiro Agnew

 Spiro Agnew

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“From time to time there are going to

be things that occur that are acts of God

that cannot be prevented.”

Rick Perry,

on the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, in 2010

 Rick Perry

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”Well, I learned a lot….

I went down to (Latin America) to find out

from them and (learn) their views.

You’d be surprised.

They’re all individual countries.”

Ronald Reagan

 Ronald Reagan

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“We know that no one person can succeed

unless everybody else succeeds.”

Howard Dean.

 Howard Dean

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“The more toppings a man has on his pizza,

I believe the more manly he is.

A manly man don’t want it piled high with vegetables!

He would call that a sissy pizza.”

Herman Cain

 Herman Cain

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“What a terrible thing to have lost one’s mind.

Or not to have a mind at all.

How true that is.”

Vice President Dan Quayle

 Vice President Dan Quayle

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“I’ve now been in 57 states

– I think one left to go.”

Barack Obama

at a campaign event in Beaverton, Oregon.

 Barack Obama at a campaign event in Beaverton, Oregon

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“Stand up, Chuck, let ’em see ya.”

Joe Biden

to Missouri State Sen. Chuck Graham

… who’s in a wheelchair

 Joe Biden 2

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“In America,

anybody may become president,

and I suppose it’s just one of the risks you take.”

Adlai Stevenson

two-time Democratic presidential nominee

Adlai Stevenson next president button

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Clones Are People Two.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Great news today!

The September puns start here.

I know you will, but I’ll say it anyway.

Enjoy!

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My son broke his Apple computer today and

had the audacity to ask me to buy him a new one.

I just told him, “Apples don’t grow on trees you know!”

pun apple tree

 

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I didn’t hear the sea when I held a Shell up.

I did, however, get six years in jail

for armed robbery of a gas station.

pun shell gas station

 

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NBC have commissioned my new show about

what goes on inside an airplane cockpit.

We’re filming the pilot next week.

pun pilot

 

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A man walks into a library and says

“I hope you don’t have a book on reverse psychology.”

pun reverse-psychology1

 

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People used to tell me being blind would

hinder my chances of becoming a comedian.

Who’s laughing now?

pun blind-turkey-farmer

 

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My cheating ex-girlfriend was called Tulsa.

Looking back, she was aslut.

pun tulsa aslut

 

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My friend recently moved in with his girlfriend

and her massive magazine collection.

But when she refused to part with them he left her.

Apparently she had too many issues.

pun too many issues

 

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I’m not worried about the Third World War.

That’s the Third World’s Problem.

pun Third World

 

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I have got a bit of a reputation as a ladies man in my local bar.

All I can say is, they smell so much cleaner than the gents.

pun toilet-cologne-stadium

 

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Some guy broke into my house last night.

Thankfully the only thing he took was one of my bullets.

pun santa-burglar

 

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My father’s answer to everything was alcohol.

He didn’t drink, he was just bad at quizzes.

pun simpsonsgood46

 

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I recently went on a holiday to a place called Romania.

It was useless; no one was even rowing.

pun rowing

 

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A guy I know has invented a new hobby

called “blindfold plane watching”.

Can’t see it taking off.

pun blindfolded

 

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I was watching a DVD on my laptop when I thought,

“Maybe it would be better if I put it in.”

pun laptop-with-open-dvd-tray-and-usb-flash-drive

 

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My wife told me she was absolutely fed up with the world.

“Why?” I asked

“Arrogant people like you!” she screamed back.

I said “Yeah they do, don’t they?”

pun cocksure

 

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Someone has been pretending to be Mr T by using a similar name,

but no-one knows his real identity.

It’s a Mr E.

pun mr t

 

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I’m reading a book about the Titanic at the moment,

and the experts speculate that the designer of the Titanic had a lisp.

That’s unthinkable!

pun titanic

 

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I went to the shop and said, “I need a battery so I can tell the time.”

The man said, “Is it for a clock?”

I said, “How do I know, that’s why I asked you for a battery.”

pun cartoon for a clock

 

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I won $2 million on the lottery this weekend

so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

Now I have $ 1,999,999.75.

pun united_states_quarter

 

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I’ll leave you with a word of warning.

pun beware

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