I’m A Terrible Psychic – I Don’t Know About You.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The clue is always in the title.

Today is Pun Day, so brace yourself for more word play and silly jokes.

Go on, you know you love ‘em.

Enjoy or endure.

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rofl

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Can you tell me what someone from Corsica is called?

Corsican!

Corsican traditional dress

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My mum was getting annoyed because of her job sewing things.

I said, “You seamstressed.”

seamstress

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“Timmy , your homework assignment was to read War and Peace.

Why haven’t you read it?”

“Sorry Miss. It’s a long story.”

Tolstoy's War And Peace

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There was this group on Facebook called

‘Help the children in Africa who are suffering from the heat’.

So I became a fan.

fan

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I invested $1000 in some American shares…..

It made a lot of cents.

a lot of cents

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I was on a cruise ship which had both sides labeled as starboard.

Something wasn’t right.

cruise ship

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Don’t bother entering the Repairman Of The Year Award

– it’s fixed

repair man

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I fell out of a 600 story building and lived.

It was a library.

library

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Everyone who tastes my homemade wine says it tastes horrible.

I think it’s just sour grapes.

sour-grapes

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What do you have

if you have a cricket ball in one hand

and a cricket ball in the other?

A really big cricket!

jonata_Cricket

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I got myself a new toy – it’s a laminator.

Basically, it’s a machine that kills baby sheep.

lamb

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My girlfriend left me the other day.

Accordion to her I make tune many musical puns.

Accordion

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A guy walks into the psychiatrist

wearing only shorts made from Bubble wrap.

The psychiatrist says,

“Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”

bubblewrap

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What’s the fastest way to get stoned?

Be a woman in Iran.

StopStoning

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“The total cost would be £3000,” said the funeral director.

“That includes digging the grave.”

“Is that the whole thing?” I asked.

He replied, “Yes, that’s the hole thing.”

grave

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Treadmills Get You Nowhere

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Pun day!

Steel yourselves for some more rather bad jokes.

There must be a few out there with masochistic tendencies because you seem to enjoy puns or word play jokes.

Me too.

So let’s get on with today’s selection.

Enjoy!

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I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Broken Handle

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.

Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again

that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

Two Eskimos in a Kayak Clipart

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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

Urban-Camouflage

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.

The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

two antennas

Banning the bra was a big flop.

 boobes cartoon

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Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

peeping tome

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Khakis: What you need to start the car in Boston.

boston-alphabet

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A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only shorts made from Bubble wrap.

The psychiatrist says, “Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”

Bubble-Wrap

Two wrongs don’t make a right.

But three rights make a left.

3 rights make a left

Thieves broke into the carpet store last night.

Police think it might be rug related.

rug

Corduroy pillows. They’re making headlines.

corduroy-pillows

Why was the dog standing still?

Because it was on paws.

 happy_cartoon_dog

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A woman has identical twins and gives them up for adoption.

One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.”

The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.”

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, “They’re twins for goodness sake! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

Juan and Ahmal

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