Sometimes I Forget How Amazing My Memory Is.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hi everyone. Its 2015 so a Very Happy New Year to one and all.

And to get this new year off to a good start here is a bit of word play for you.

Yes, it’s Pun Day.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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Drums with no skins.

You can’t beat them.

Drums with no skins

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Just to clear things up,

I use a brush

brush

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Want to hear a construction joke?

I’m building up to it.

simponsconstruct

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My leg won’t stop mooing.

I think I’ve got a calf injury.

mooing

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I’d find some affordable glasses,

in an eye deal world.

affordable glasses

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I had a fight with some

furniture the other day.

Nobody won though,

it was a drawer.

drawer

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A Spanish magician tells the audience

he will disappear on the count of three.

He says, “Uno, dos…..”

*POOF*

….he disappeared without a tres.

jorge-blass

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I was in good position to win the

International shoelace-tying

championships yesterday ,

But I buckled under the pressure.

shoelace-tying

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I just realized that I haven’t done

the hokey pokey in over 10 years.

I guess when you get older,

you just forget what it’s all about.

hokey pokey

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I hated my job as an escapologist.

I couldn’t get out of it quick enough.

escapologist

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An Irish ‘Star Trek’ fan has been

assassinated by the Mafia.

He was capped in Cork.

Cork, Ireland

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Whenever I see a broken elevator

I stair.

broken elevator

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My family regard my cousin

as a skeleton in the closet.

He’s a gay anorexic.

skeleton in the closet

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I’ve come to the belief that ‘crazy’

is a relative term with my family.

crazy

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Where does a Jamaican composer live?

In D flat.

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= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

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All You Have To Do Is Ask? Really??

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

They say that all you have to do is ask.

Well, I’m asking, so I guess the rest is up to you.

Here you go….

Why doesn’t onomatopoeia sound like what it is?

onomatopoeia

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Does a fish get cramps after eating?

cartoon fish swimming cramps

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Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a near miss ? Shouldn’t it be called a near hit ?

near miss

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Why isn’t palindrome spelled the same way backwards?

palindrome

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Why is it called TOOTHbrush when you brush all of your teeth?

toothbrush

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Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

fat chance slim chance

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If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?

water drop

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How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?

a fool and his money

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Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

graveyard shift

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If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway

bugs bunny with carrot

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Where does the fire go when the fire goes out?

fire

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So what’s the speed of dark?

speed of dark

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Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?

multi-tasking

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Why do grocery stores buy so many checkout line registers if they only keep 3 or 4 open?

grocery checkout

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If anything’s possible, then is it possible that nothing’s possible?

anything is possible

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Does anyone actually kill two birds with one stone?

Kill Two Birds With One Stone by mcaldero

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Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?

Humpty Dumpty Sat on a wall

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