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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Sadly WordPress doesn’t let you bid on these posts either. I wonder why not?

Still, never mind, we have another Pun Day to look forward too now.

So….

Enjoy or endure!!

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WANTED:

Assistant required to fill

hourglasses with sand.

No timewasters.

 

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When bakers have a fight

They go at it all Buns Glazing.

 

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My friend is really interested in magnets.

Personally, I can’t see the attraction.

 

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Some bloke just barged into my caravan

accusing me of being the world’s worst psychic.

I don’t know what he was thinking.

 

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I entered a cartoonist competition today,

there were five of us in it,

we drew..

 

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How do trespassers get in your house?

Intruder window.

 

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This morning a beautiful blonde

came up to me in the street

and wrote her phone number on my hand

in bright yellow felt tip pen…

… It was the highlight of my day !

 

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I gave my son a faceless coin.

He couldn’t make head nor tails of it.

 

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If I see one more person misuse an apostrophe

I think Ill go completely nut’s !

 

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I am permanently hooked up to a device

which gives me an electric shock

if I say something negative.

It’s not ideal, but I can’t complain

 

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I’ve noticed that chess players

always close the door behind them

Do you think they don’t like draughts?

 

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Somebody closed the lid on my piano.

Now i can’t open it because the keys are inside.

 

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My friend has just directed his

own under-budget documentary,

“Living with the World’s Smallest Bath”.

I thought I’d give him a little plug.

 

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You can tell the sex of an ant

by dropping it into a jug of water.

If it sinks: girl ant

If it floats: boy ant

 

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The number of people who shout

“Boo!”

to their friends has risen by 85%.

That’s a frightening statistic.

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A Man Walked Into A Hardware Store….

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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In case today’s title was a little bit obscure for you, it’s pun day again.

Yes even more of those bad jokes and word plays.

Enjoy!

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A man walked into a hardware store and picked up a can of fly spray.

“Is this good for wasps?” he asked the assistant.

“No, it kills them,” was the reply.

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My Doctor told me I’m a Paranoid Schizophrenic.

We think he’s out to get us

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I went into the pharmacy last week and said to the woman behind the counter, “Packet of three, please, Miss.”

“Don’t you Miss me, young man,” she replied.

I said, “Okay, better make that four then!”

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I used to go out with a midget but we broke up.

We just couldn’t see eye to eye.

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I went to the missing persons bureau,

but there was no-one there.

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Four fonts walk into a bar

The barman says, “Oi – get out! We don’t want your type in here.”

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Why do they call it ‘raw’ sewage?

Is someone somewhere cooking it?

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I am very much into DIY.

Every time the wife asks me to do anything, I say, “do it yourself.”

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Ted Kennedy got told off for not opening the door for his girlfriend when he was on a date.

Instead he just swam to the surface.

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Computers are like air conditioners.

They work fine until you start opening windows.

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Food has supplanted sex as the main driving force in my life

– now I can’t even get into my own pants.

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I had a horrible childhood.

My father was a Pontoon dealer in Vegas,

that’s why he used to hit me till I was 21

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I conducted an orchestra the other day.

It’s more fun than you can shake a stick at.

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They say being a hostage is difficult…

…But I could do that with my hands tied behind my back.

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What’s got four legs and goes “boo”?

A cow with a cold.

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The Interstate was blocked for an hour yesterday

after a car driven by a hunchback crashed into a car driven by a bearded lady.

Police are describing it as a freak accident.

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Bloody feminists.

They should all be put behind bras.

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What kind of bees make milk?

Boobies!

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