What Do I Think Of Message Boards? I’m Forum!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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And I’m for punny jokes too.

The worse, the better.

Here’s some more.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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Downloading digital audio has completely revolutionized our lives.

It’s the biggest change in the way we buy music since records began.

cds_vs._digital_downloads

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I went to the doctors today

about my addiction to astrology.

He said “What are the signs?”

Zodiac-signs

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For Sale:

Grandfather clock

– only one part missing.

Second hand.

Grandfather clock

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My wife asked me to fix a

plug for her this morning.

I refused.

fix a plug

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Did you hear about the guy who 

trashed a Chinese restaurant?

He’s being charged with

Wonton Destruction.

WonTon_Destruction_by_Cheswick

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I looked up ‘Opaque’ in the dictionary today.

The definition was not very clear.

Opaque glass

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Scientists who were against genetic engineering

have managed to cross a seagull with a sheep,

which is a massive ewe tern.

seagull and sheep - Tanya Marriott designs

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I bought a belt made entirely from five dollar bills.

It was a waist of money.

Money Origami

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What is a group of deaf people called?

I bet it’s not a herd.

group of deaf people

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To help change her appearance my missus

has started using clay facials with cucumber slices

over her eyes and her hair in rollers.

It helps, but I can still tell it’s her.

young-woman-with-cucumber-slices-on-the-face-in-a-spa-saloon

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I got stopped by a policeman

while I was driving along the road.

I stopped, opened the window and he said

“This is a spot check.”

So I replied

“I’ve got 2 blackheads and a boil on my bottom!”

cartoon cop stopping car

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Fibonacci numbers.

It’s as easy as 1, 1, 2, 3.

Fibonacci numbers

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I hate the local debating group.

They discussed me.

debating group

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So; if men are from Mars

and women are from Venus,

do gay men come from Uranus?

(Oh oh, that’s going to offend somebody!)

Uranus

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We used to call the printer in the office ‘Bob Marley’.

It was always jammin!

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Did You Know? The Fact File Is Open Again!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The fact file is open again so let’s have a look and see what random bits of information have come up today.

As always, enjoy.

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did you know5

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Through the first half of the 20th century,

only one winner of the Oscar for Best Picture was filmed in color:

Gone with the Wind.

gone_with_the_wind_poster

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Horses and donkeys are of different species.

In order to get what we call a “mule,” a horse and donkey

must mate and produce offspring.

Any offspring between two different species

will be sterile and unable to reproduce.

horse and donkey in love

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Between 1912 and 1948, art competitions were a part of the Olympics.

Medals were awarded for architecture, music, painting, and sculpture.

LondonAlbertHallArt poster

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Medal of Honor recipient Thomas Baker

was gravely wounded and had his comrades leave him behind,

propped up against a tree with a pistol that had 8 bullets remaining.

Later they found his body next to the tree,

surrounded by 8 dead Japanese soldiers.

Thomas Baker Medal of Honor

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A 14 year old boy broke into Buckingham Palace

and stole the Queen’s underwear.

The Queen's Knickers

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Theodore Roosevelt was once shot at during a campaign rally in Wisconsin.

The bullet penetrated his glasses case and a manuscript,

just missing his right lung.

Being an expert hunter he decided to stay and give his speech

since he wasn’t coughing up blood.

His speech lasted nearly an hour.

Theodore_Roosevelt_circa_1902

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Sean Penn once beat Madonna over the head with a baseball bat,

shot at a paparazzi,

and hung another paparazzi by is ankles from a ninth-floor balcony.

(I hope he isn’t upset by this post!)

sean-penn

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In 1994, Bill Gates bought the Da Vinci Codex for $30m

and then had it scanned and distributed

as screensavers and wallpapers for Windows95.

Da Vinci Codex

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An eyeball weighs about 1 ounce.

eyeball

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World Famous Jack Daniels Tennessee Whiskey

is made only in the small town of Lynchburg, Tennessee.

Though the town supplies the world with the famous libation,

not a drop may be purchased for consumption anywhere in town.

Moore County is a “dry” county,

meaning that the sale and consumption of alcohol is illegal.

Jack Daniels Tennessee Whiskey

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300 people died in Ycuá Bolaños supermarket fire

on Sunday, August 1, 2004 in Asunción, Paraguay

because the owners shut the doors

so people wouldn’t leave without paying.

Super_Ycuá_Bolaños_01_08_2005

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Cats sweat through the pads of their feet

(especially when they hear a dog barking)

and cannot taste sweet things.

cat's paw

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In 1939, Hitler’s nephew wrote an article called

“Why I Hate My Uncle.”

He came to the U.S., served in the Navy,

and settled on Long Island.

Hitler's nephew

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Britain’s Prince Harry is partial owner

of a racehorse named Usain Colt.

Usain Colt

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A priest on the Titanic refused a place on a life boat twice,

and stayed behind to hear confessions and

give absolution to people left on the ship.

titanic_ship-HD

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A “2 by 4″ is really 1 1/2″ by 3 1/2″.

2 by 4

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There are more than 40,000 different

spoken languages in the world today.

international_languages

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11% of the world is left-handed.

left-handed-products

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With five full-time chefs, the White House kitchen

is able to serve dinner to as many as 140 guests

and hors d’oeuvres to more than 1,000.

White House kitchen

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Bob Marley was buried with his red Gibson guitar,

a Bible opened to Psalm 23, and a bud of marijuana.

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