Lif Is Too Short.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Lif may be too short but thankfully there’s no shortage of puns.

Here’s the latest selection for you to…

Enjoy or endure!!

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I’ve just ended a relationship with a hair stylist.

We just never gelled.

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Say what you like about deaf people.

But not blind people,

they can still hear you.

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I went to the inventor of Optrex’s funeral today.

There wasn’t a dry eye in the house.

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My wife says the passion has gone out of our relationship.

She really doesn’t know how much I hate her.

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I used to be a hypochondriac until

I eventually became sick of it.

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What have Winnie the Pooh and

Atilla the Hun got in common ?…….

the same middle name

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Wouldn’t it be better if handmade shoes

were for your feet?

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I’ll be making a movie

about the Greek alphabets.

It’s a Psi Phi film.

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What do you call

a quick circumcision.

A rip off.

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According to scientists there is a

link between noise and obesity.

Probably the dinner bell.

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Just bought a time machine from Amazon.

Well you have to when they offer

previous day delivery.

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Finally for today a health warning:

Mixing cannabis with cod liver oil

is bad for your joints.

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Shock Headline: Rising Numbers Are On The Increase.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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But no shock that today is another Pun Day!

Enjoy or endure!!

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Just opened my Electric bill and my Water bill at the same time.

I was completely shocked.

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The man who invented Velcro has died.

RIP

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Keifer Sutherland was held up by Homeland Security

when he flew into LA airport for the

filming of the first episode of a new TV series.

They asked him the purpose of his visit and he said,

“I’m here to shoot a pilot.”

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My great uncle was so stubborn,

when he died, he left a won’t.

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“You make a very good cuppa,” she said.

“It’s my special tea,” I replied.

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I fell down a really deep dark hole today.

I just couldn’t see that well.

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There are countless films without Dracula in them.

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Just read a really sad story about how

blind people get used to new surroundings…

Touching stuff.

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I’ve decided to stop wearing my glasses.

It makes me look harder.

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 A rule of grammar:

double negatives are a no-no.

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So here I am trekking through the woods……

hang on, bear with me

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Weighing an elephant is just like weighing a human.

But on a much bigger scale.

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I asked my boss if I could leave half an hour early the other day.

He said, ” Only if you make up the time.”

I said, ” OK. It’s 35 past 50.”         

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I work in McDonald’s and a customer was rude to me today,

so I got him back by not putting any Coke in his drink.

Just ice was served.         

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Brian May is a slightly more optimistic version of Brian Cant.         

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Can You Answer Any Of These Conundrums? Or Should That Be Conundra??

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Well if you can answer the question in the title of this post then you’re off to a good start. I know what my speel chekkar says, and I think that it is wrong.

Which brings me to another short semi-rant in the form of a question. Why does the WordPress speel chekkar keep highlighting the word “wordpress” as being spelled incorrectly?

Think on that as you tackle the rest of today’s (cue the wavy red line)  conundra!

Enjoy.

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If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

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When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

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If blind people wear dark glasses, why don’t deaf people wear earmuffs?

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If corn can’t hear, why does it have an ear?

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If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

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If everything is part of a whole, what is the whole part of?

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If humans get a charley horse, what do horses get?

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If I save time, when do I get it back?

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If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?

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If our knees were on the backs of our legs, what would chairs look like?

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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

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If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

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If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?

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If you didn’t get caught, did you really do it?

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Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

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If a mute child swears, does his mother wash his hands?

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