PUN: A Play On Words….

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I looked in the dictionary for today’s post.

It said, PUN: a play on words; the humorous use of a word or phrase so as to emphasize or suggest its different meanings or applications; the use of words that are alike or nearly alike in sound but different in meaning.

And, do you know, it was right.

Enjoy!

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I’ve never been to our basement.

I think it’s is beneath me

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Did you hear about the scarecrow that won an award?

He was outstanding in his field.

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First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.

Funny sense of humor my plumber has.

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When I was younger my Grandma used to rub lard into my Grandpa’s back when he was ill.

He went down hill fast after that.

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I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue.

I couldn’t put it down.

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I went in to a pet shop.

I said, “Can I buy a goldfish?”

The guy said, “Do you want an aquarium?”

I said, “I don’t care what star sign it is.”

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Just seen a sign outside the hardware store:

“Stainless Steel Sinks”.

Bit obvious, I thought.

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I went to the Video Shop the other day.

I said, “Can I take out Batman Forever?”

They said, “No, you have to bring it back tomorrow.”

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God is talking to one of his angels.

He says, “Boy, I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth.”

“What are you going to do now?” asks the angel.

“Call it a day,” says God.

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A Freudian slip is one where you say one thing but mean a mother.

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I recently took up meditation.

It beats sitting around doing nothing.

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I was chopping up carrots with the Grim Reaper yesterday…

….You could say I was dicing with death.

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I went to the doctors.

He said, “You’ve got hypochondria.”

I said, “Oh no, not that as well.”

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My dog is a blacksmith.

Every time I open the front door he makes a bolt for it.

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I don’t understand how people call me homophobic.

I love my house.

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Did you hear about the guy that trashed a Chinese restaurant?

He’s being charged with Wonton Destruction.

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I Have Finally Decided On My New Year’s Resolution – It’s 1024 x 768!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Well, if you haven’t guessed already from the title, the year may be new but the puns probably aren’t!

But I figured if we get some of these in early then there’s a chance that the year will improve later.

Strap yourselves in. Here we go.

Enjoy.

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Does chasing the American Dream not count as exercise?

 

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Protons have mass?

I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

 

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Is Marx’s tomb a communist plot?

 

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I was checking into a hotel the other week.

At the counter, a guy in front of me said curtly to the receptionist, “I hope the porn channel is disabled.”

Unbelievable what some people are into.

 

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I went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday.

He said, “Have you ever shoed a horse?”

I said, “No, but I once told a donkey to f*** off.”

 

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I’ll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers.

 

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out,

“Can you all see me now?”

“Yes.”

“Oui.”

“Sí.”

“Ja.”

 

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I’ve just taken up speed reading.

Last night I did war and peace in 20 seconds.

I know it’s only 3 words but it’s a start!

 

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I can’t see an end.

I have no control and I don’t think there’s any escape.

I don’t even have a home anymore.

Definitely time for a new keyboard.

 

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“Watch Back to the Future:- Tomorrow, on Yesterday” WTF????

 

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My laboratory assistant has invented a device that allows you to steal other people’s ideas and then permanently delete them from the subject’s memory. Why didn’t I think of that?

 

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I’m always frank with my sexual partners.

Don’t want them knowing my real name, do I?

 

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