PUN: A Play On Words….

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


I looked in the dictionary for today’s post.

It said, PUN: a play on words; the humorous use of a word or phrase so as to emphasize or suggest its different meanings or applications; the use of words that are alike or nearly alike in sound but different in meaning.

And, do you know, it was right.




I’ve never been to our basement.

I think it’s is beneath me




Did you hear about the scarecrow that won an award?

He was outstanding in his field.




First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.

Funny sense of humor my plumber has.




When I was younger my Grandma used to rub lard into my Grandpa’s back when he was ill.

He went down hill fast after that.




I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue.

I couldn’t put it down.

book glue



I went in to a pet shop.

I said, “Can I buy a goldfish?”

The guy said, “Do you want an aquarium?”

I said, “I don’t care what star sign it is.”




Just seen a sign outside the hardware store:

“Stainless Steel Sinks”.

Bit obvious, I thought.



I went to the Video Shop the other day.

I said, “Can I take out Batman Forever?”

They said, “No, you have to bring it back tomorrow.”

Batman Forever



God is talking to one of his angels.

He says, “Boy, I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth.”

“What are you going to do now?” asks the angel.

“Call it a day,” says God.



A Freudian slip is one where you say one thing but mean a mother.




I recently took up meditation.

It beats sitting around doing nothing.




I was chopping up carrots with the Grim Reaper yesterday…

….You could say I was dicing with death.

grim reaper



I went to the doctors.

He said, “You’ve got hypochondria.”

I said, “Oh no, not that as well.”




My dog is a blacksmith.

Every time I open the front door he makes a bolt for it.



I don’t understand how people call me homophobic.

I love my house.

cartoon home



Did you hear about the guy that trashed a Chinese restaurant?

He’s being charged with Wonton Destruction.





I Have Finally Decided On My New Year’s Resolution – It’s 1024 x 768!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Well, if you haven’t guessed already from the title, the year may be new but the puns probably aren’t!

But I figured if we get some of these in early then there’s a chance that the year will improve later.

Strap yourselves in. Here we go.


Does chasing the American Dream not count as exercise?


Protons have mass?

I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

protons have mass 

Is Marx’s tomb a communist plot?

Marx tomb 

I was checking into a hotel the other week.

At the counter, a guy in front of me said curtly to the receptionist, “I hope the porn channel is disabled.”

Unbelievable what some people are into.


I went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday.

He said, “Have you ever shoed a horse?”

I said, “No, but I once told a donkey to f*** off.”


I’ll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers.

negative numbers 

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out,

“Can you all see me now?”





English French Spanish German 


I’ve just taken up speed reading.

Last night I did war and peace in 20 seconds.

I know it’s only 3 words but it’s a start!

Speed Reading 

I can’t see an end.

I have no control and I don’t think there’s any escape.

I don’t even have a home anymore.

Definitely time for a new keyboard.


“Watch Back to the Future:- Tomorrow, on Yesterday” WTF????

Back To The Future 

My laboratory assistant has invented a device that allows you to steal other people’s ideas and then permanently delete them from the subject’s memory. Why didn’t I think of that?

stealing ideas 

I’m always frank with my sexual partners.

Don’t want them knowing my real name, do I?

I'm Frank