Bad Actors Have Their Work Cut Out.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Bad actors do get their work cut out, fortunately for both them and those of us who watch their movies.

However, bad puns are never cut out because the worse they are the better they are.

And here’s another selection to prove it.

Enjoy or endure.

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It’s not my fault I blame

everyone else for my mistakes.

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Steve Jobs,

a man who lived life to the macs

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I haven’t made a prediction

in my life and I never will.

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There are two types of people in this world.

Those who can extrapolate incomplete data

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I have trouble taking responsibility for my actions.

I blame my parents.

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The life of a snail is taken

with a pinch of salt.

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“I’m worried that those plants are artificial.”

“They’re not.”

“Well that’s a real leaf.”

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My motto is:

If you can’t beat them,

what’s the point in becoming a teacher?

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I’ve just arrived at the camouflage club

and I can see we have a big turnout.

Which is really disappointing.

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Whilst buying some nuts today

I noticed the pack said

“stachios”…

I thought…

someone’s taken the pis

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Be a scientist.

If at first you don’t succeed,

redefine success.

 

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One way or another I’m going to

have to stop quoting Blondie lyrics.

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Anything America Can Do, Britain Can Do Better…. Er, Make That Worser!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes folks, anything America can do Britain can do better, or worse as the case may be.

I’ve written previously about the pathetic failures of the Obamacare web site which seemed to be down more often than up at a time when people were desperately trying to register for this new, unnecessary, and far too expensive Obama initiative.

Well, not to be out done, Britain has managed to do more or less the same thing – again!

What I’m talking about here is the British government’s catastrophic record when it comes to computerization.

The flagship of their lack of achievement still has to be the $10 billion system it commissioned to computerize their Health Service which was promptly thrown into the trash when it failed to deliver on almost all levels.

And it has done it again.

The British government recently decided to do away with the 90 year old paper tax disc that had to be displayed on a car windscreen in order to be legal for road use. They also decided it would be more efficient (I can hear you laughing already) if they computerized the whole system so that people could apply for and pay this tax online rather than having to go to a government office or use the postal service.

So it decided to rebuild its Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency (DVLA) website.

And they did. And when it launched it immediately went tits up (that’s British for fell over, stopped working, failed, flatlined, collapsed).

The new system just couldn’t cope with demand for its service as thousands of drivers rushed to use it to renew their car tax.

Frustrated citizens were met with the message

Embarrassingly, they even had to take the web site and phone services completely offline in an attempt to fix the technical cock-up, resorting instead to tweeting lame apologies all day Monday.

Of course the debacle was blamed on “unprecedented demand”, so really it was the public’s fault for using the system rather than the system being inadequate for a number of users that should have been easily anticipated if they had put any thought into at all.

Hundreds of commercial organizations have web sites – some very popular with millions of visitors – operating 24/7 with very little, if any, problems.

Why can’t governments do the same.

In particular why do they persist with a tendering system that leads them to employ companies who are incapable of doing a good job.

Could it be that those in government are incapable too???

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The Primary Responsibility For A Child’s Education Is Apparent.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, that’s right, The primary responsibility for a child’s education is apparent.

But everyone’s education would not be complete without a healthy dose of puns.

Always here to help, here’s today’s selection.

Enjoy!

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I went into a fancy dress shop and asked the woman

working there if they had any ghost costumes.

She said “We don’t sell those, I’m afraid.”

Stupid woman. They’re not that scary.

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ABC NEWS:

French Chef commits suicide after critic’s attack.

After further investigation it turns out

he simply lost the huile d’olive.

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I went to a really posh school.

In fact, the school was so posh that the Gym was called James.

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I have a friend who’s half Indian.

Ian.

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Cleavage is the only thing that you can look down on

and approve of at the same time.

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My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday because of my obsession.

She said, “I’m sick of it. You actually believe that you’re a Transformer.

It’s stupid. I’ve had enough and I’m leaving you.”

I said, “But, Baby, I can change.”

She said, “There you go again!”

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I put a couple of ‘t’s in my beer last night.

I think it made it better.

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Shouldn’t the Air and Space museum be empty?

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I put a wooden desk and a blackboard in my bedroom.

You know, to make it more classy.

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I was only young when I learned to count.

It was odd at first, even then.

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In a cave, I found pictures of women’s breasts,

but when I picked them up, a giant net fell on me.

Damn booby trap.

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I make £1,000,000 a month cleaning Windows.

I invented Norton Anti-virus.

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My parents gave me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday yesterday.

I couldn’t find the words to thank them.

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I never let my children watch big band performances on TV.

Too much sax and violins.

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There’s one thing I can’t stand when I’m drunk.

Up!

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Einstein eventually developed a theory about space.

And it was about time too.

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I’m so broke at the moment that all I can

afford to eat are herbs my mate has lent me.

I’m living on borrowed thyme.

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I’ve just seen a group on Facebook called, ‘I hate feet’.

Obviously these people are fans of the metric system.

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Talking to her about computer hardware,

makes my mother board.

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My wife has packed her bags and gone –

just because of my fetish with touching pasta.

I’m feeling cannelloni right now.

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