Understanding what is beyond the horizon is beyond me.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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But puns I do understand.

What is a little more puzzling is why I like them and why so many others do as well.

Still, we can figure out that conundrum another time.

For now it’s another Pun Day, so….

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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I bought a cheap Jack-in-a-box

and it’s not much good.

It doesn’t surprise me.

 cheap Jack-in-a-box

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Some guy came up to me in the street today

and said “Wow, you look odd.”

I replied “Well, so do you.”

“Guess that made us even.”

 odd and even

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I’ve just come back from the corner shop.

I bought four corners.

 corner shop

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So King Abdullah died,

that should sheikh things up a bit.

 King Abdullah

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I’ve got a part time job for a company

making rubberized computer keyboards.

It’s flexible shifts.

 rubberized computer keyboards

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Someone stopped me while I was jogging

this morning to ask why I had

duct tape over my mouth.

I didn’t answer.

It’s a running gag.

 duct tape over mouth

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A friend of mine bought a second hand

deck of cards from a casino in Las Vegas,

but after four weeks they hadn’t arrived.

When he asked for an update, they said

they were still dealing with his order.

 Las Vegas casino card packs

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Did you hear about the fisherman

who was learning Spanish

He got lost at Si

 fisherman

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I’m currently reading a book about

North African invaders during

Medieval times and can’t put it down.

Its very moorish.

 A Moor

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I looked up the definition of

the word “arbitrary” today.

For no particular reason.

 arbitrary definition

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My boss said,

“As part of our cost-saving drive we are

installing energy-efficient lights in the toilets.

They work on a motion detection system.”

I replied,

“That’s all fair and well, but what if

someone’s just going in for a pee?”

 CalvinPeeGIF

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A storm has ripped through

my coconut farm…

I’m desiccated.

 coconut cracked

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Whenever I find a pretty girl

I look for intelligence.

Because if she doesn’t have that,

then she’s mine!

 cute-cartoon-girl-20910042

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I always ask too many questions.

Does anybody know why this is?

 too many questions

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I text a friend the other day asking him

who his favorite composer is.

Surprisingly, he didn’t text Bach.

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It Takes Guts To Go To Weight Watchers.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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And it takes guts to publish some of these word play jokes.

So strap yourselves in for another wicked selection.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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My girlfriend keeps telling me that making

clothes based puns is really not funny.

Corset is!

corset

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My teacher asked the class,

“Can anybody name a sport that starts with a ‘T’?”

I said “Yes, golf.”

golf_tee

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My son asked me where the most

dangerous place on earth is.

I’m stuck between Iraq Kandahar place.

Iraq-Kandahar-Afghanistan signpost

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I was speaking to a man from Syria today and he said,

“In my country, bear fighting is the most popular sport.”

“That’s revolting.” I replied.

“No,” he said. “That’s our second most popular.”

Syrian revolutionaries

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Teacher: “In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.”

Sammy : “You can’t fool me, Teacher…

snakes don’t have feet.”

burmese-python

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A woman screamed, “No means no!” at me today.

I left soon after.

It was the shortest Spanish lesson I’d ever had.

Learn to speak Spanish

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I saved loads of cash on the new over-priced iPhone yesterday.

I didn’t buy one.

iphone

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A note left for a pianist from his wife

“Gone Chopin, have Liszt, Bach in a Minuet.”

pianist

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About to microwave some fruit.

Getting ready for a hot date.

dates

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I got arrested yesterday for stealing hay from a farmer.

I’ve been refused bale.

hay bale

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When my wife told me Scandinavian languages

don’t have the letter ‘R’ I immediately thought…

No way!

Norway sign

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I’ve often wondered why it is called ‘Mooning’

when you’re actually showing ‘Uranus’?

Uranus

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As a musician, I hate the key of E minor.

It gives me the E B G B s

DA-EGBDF

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I heard someone say that nothing rhymes with orange.

No it doesn’t!

annoying orange

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I used to live in a small town in Spain called Macarena.

But I don’t like to make a song and dance about it.

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Can You Believe It? I’ve Run Out Of Puns!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Okay, wipe that smirk off your faces.

Of course I haven’t run out of puns. Whoever would believe such a thing.

And just to prove it, here are some more.

Enjoy, I know you will.

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I ate the burger with relish.

Relish_LargeLogo

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Q: Why did Mozart kill all his chickens ?

A: Because all they would say was ” Bach , Bach ………Bach , Bach”

bachbachbach

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You say that this beverage is non-alcoholic.

But where is the proof?

non alcoholic drink

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The best vitamin for making friends is B-1.

vitamin-b1

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When they said I was mad I went out and got drunk.

I guess it was a choice between having a bottle in front of me

or a frontal lobotomy.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy

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When the artist tried to draw a cube he had a mental block.

mentalBlock

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Coffee is for mugs

coffee mug

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Just been on bigbustycoons.com

Damn, those guys have really good bus companies.

bus companies

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My wife shouted upstairs, “The sun’s just come out.”

I thought great, threw on some shorts and

flip flops and shot down the stairs.

I was rather shocked when I got down to find

our lad holding hands with his mate Michael.

out of the closet

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There’s no denying it, Rap is 75% Crap

rap crap

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I just saw an advert for the new film: ‘The Hole – Now in 3D!’

Well, surely it has to be in 3D otherwise it’s just a circle.

3d_hole

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You invented White Out didn’t you?

Correct me If I’m wrong….

whiteout

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A lot of stupid people who don’t keep up with current

affairs still don’t know who Kim Jong Un is.

Duhhh, she is the leader of North Korea.

KimJongUnasWoman

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An unnamed weatherman has reacted angrily to being

sacked because he always gives cold gloomy forecasts.

So I guess it’s no more mist and ice guy.

weatherman

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Q. What makes a riot?

A. Three dyslexics.

dyslexia

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A colleague just burst into my office

while I was busy working

and demanded to know what an

electrical synapse in the human body was.

The nerve.

neuron

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Did you hear about the guy who got his thrills

by shoving resistors up his bottom.

He definitely sounds like an Ohmosexual to me.

ohm and resistance symbol

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My internet bride got delivered today.

She’s the WiFi always dreamed of.

WiFi Bride

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If you were lost in fog, would you be mist?

lost in fog

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Finally some news from this week on the stock market.

Helium was up, but feathers were down.

Paper was stationary, but pencils lost a few points.

Elevators rose but escalators continued their slow decline.

Switches were off and mining equipment hit rock bottom.

The raisin market has dried up.

Pampers remained unchanged while Sun peaked at mid-day.

Andrex tissues touched a new bottom.

stock_market

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