The Internet Of Things.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The Internet of Things courtesy of kpcb.com

Last year the ‘new thing’ that all the techies were talking about was the ‘Internet of Things’.

For those who are not up to speed on this ‘new thing’, the ‘Internet of Things’ is about getting all of our household devices connected online.

This is not just a ‘new thing’ but it’s a ‘BIG thing’ too.

Already there are about 10 billion net-connected devices and predictions are that by 2020, just five years from now, the number will have grown to 50 billion devices.

More importantly, for the businesses involved in this industry, and for investors, the ‘Internet of Things’ market will be worth at least three-quarters of a trillion dollars – that’s an ‘illion’ with a ‘tr’ in front of it!

As you would expect, the big technology players aren’t wasting any time getting involved.

Samsung's 'SmartThings Hub

Samsung has developed what it calls a ‘SmartThings Hub’ which will organize all of the connected devices in your home regardless of what platform they run on. The company’s CEO has promised that by 2017, 90% of its products would be connected to the Web.

The Samsung ‘SmartThings Hub’ is compatible with the Apple ‘HomeKit’ for iOS8, which was introduced last summer.

A lot of the ‘IoT’ devices are aimed at the home security market. Many of these are already available, but with the development of the ‘IoT’ they will become much more sophisticated, have additional features, such as cameras with facial recognition capabilities, and be more affordable for the average consumer. At the moment most of the better systems carry a hefty price tag and are aimed at the high-end market.

Another big market is babies, with a number of devices coming to the market that monitor almost everything about your baby and send that information to you wherever you are via a mobile device.

Other ‘IoT’ devices for the home include smart light bulbs, Bluetooth speakers, WiFi repeaters and lots of other home entertainment applications.

You will even be able to control your coffee maker or tea kettle via wifi.

fitbark

And your pets have not been forgotten either. If you just can’t bear to be unconnected to your dog, for example, you can get a smart collar like the ‘Fitbark’ or ‘Motorola Scout 5000’. If this was pun day I’d tell you it came with a paws control.

It all sounds great, for those who like that kind of thing. And indeed some of the devices will be useful and hopefully cost effective and energy saving for the home. I don’t think you’re going to have any choice because new devices for the home will come with all this new technology built in.

The big problem will be sophisticated burglars and malicious tech savvy people, who will no doubt figure out ways of hacking your system and possibly gaining control of the whole set up.

A password like ‘password’ will no longer suffice in the era of the ‘Internet of Things’.

you have been hacked

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What’s Ice? – Skid Stuff!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It will all be over by this time next week, so today has to be the day for a special Christmas helping of seasonal puns.

Get your groans ready – you’re really going to need them this time!

Enjoy.

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rofl

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What did Adam say the day before Christmas?

It’s Christmas, Eve!

Dancing-Santa-Reindeer-Funny-Christmas-GIF

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What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet?

The Christmas alphabet has no L.

christmas_animated_gifs_14

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What does Tarzan sing at Christmas time?

Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.

26

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What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic.

christmas_animated_gifs_16

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What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?

Thanks, I’ll never part with it!

christmas-gift-box13

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How do sheep in Spain say Merry Christmas?

Fleece Navidad!

Merry Christmas Gif 17

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What’s the best present for a train conductor?

Platform shoes.

Christmas train

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What is a parent’s favorite Christmas carol?

Silent Night.

carolers

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Before it starts to sell its Christmas trees

the garden center gets really spruced up!

christmas_animated_gifs_reindeer

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Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?

Because every buck is dear to him.

christmas_animated_gif_41

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What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish

dancingsanta_e0

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Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?

Because he had low elf esteem.

christmas-animated-elf

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What Santa had a motorbike instead of a sleigh, what kind would it be?

A Holly Davidson of course!

Holly D Santa biker

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If Santa and Mrs. Claus had a baby, what would he be?

A subordinate Claus.

santa-animated-elf-1

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“Why don’t we ever hear about ‘Olive,’ the 10th reindeer?” asked Bert.

“What 10th Reindeer?” asked Scott.

“You know. Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names.”

Santa_and_Reindeer

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What does a reindeer do when he has an upset stomach?

He takes an elk-a-seltzer.

xmas-bird3

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What do you call an ELF who sings?

A Wrapper!

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Time For A Mid-Week Test

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Time for a mid-week test.

Today a selection of questions, some of them easy, some tricky, and one or two rather difficult.

So grab a cup of coffee and have a go.

As usual the answers are waaaaaay down below, but no cheating!

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 puzzle, test, exam. quiz, assessment

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Q. 1:  What becomes wetter the more it dries?

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Q. 2:  A red-house is made of red bricks, has a red wooden door and a red roof.

A yellow-house is made of yellow bricks, has a yellow wooden door and a yellow roof.

What is a green-house made of?

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Q. 3:  There are six eggs in the basket.

Six people each take one of the eggs.

How can it be that one egg is left in the basket?

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Q. 4:  Why is it better to have round manhole covers than square ones?

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Q. 5:  A New York city hairdresser recently said that he would rather cut the hair of three Canadians than one New Yorker. Why?

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Q. 6:  There are six glasses in a row.

The first three are full of water, and the next three are empty.

By moving only one glass how can you make them alternate between full and empty?

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Q. 7:  Three men in a cafe order a meal the total cost of which is $15.

They each contribute $5.

The waiter takes the money to the chef who recognizes the three as friends and asks the waiter to return $5 to the men.

The waiter is not only poor at mathematics but dishonest and instead of going to the trouble of splitting the $5 between the three he simply gives them $1 each and pockets the remaining $2 for himself.

Now, each of the men effectively paid $4, the total paid is therefore $12.

Add the $2 in the waiters pocket and this comes to $14.

….where has the other $1 gone from the original $15?

.Q. 1:  

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Q. 8:  How could a baby fall out of a twenty-story building onto the ground and live?

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Q. 9:  If:

2 3 = 10

7 2 = 63

6 5 = 66

8 4 = 96

9 7 = ??

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Q. 10:  Name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday.

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Q. 11:  Many shops have prices set just under a round figure, e.g. $9.99 instead of $10.00 or $99.95 instead of $100.00 . It is assumed that this is done because the price seems lower to the consumer. But this is not the reason the practice started. What was the original reason for this pricing method?

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Q. 12:  How do you get from cold to warm in four steps, changing only one letter at a time?

C O L D

_  _  _  _

_  _  _  _

_  _  _  _

W A R M

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Q. 13:  A snail creeps 10 feet up a wall during the daytime, then falls asleep.

It wakes up the next morning and discovers it slipped down 6 feet.

If this happens each day, how many days will it take to reach the top of a 22 foot wall?

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Q. 14:  You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus.

An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

An old friend who once saved your life.

The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Knowing that there can only be one passenger in your car, whom would you choose?

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ANSWERS:

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Q. 1:  What becomes wetter the more it dries?       

A. 1:  A Towel

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Q. 2:  A red-house is made of red bricks, has a red wooden door and a red roof.

      A yellow-house is made of yellow bricks, has a yellow wooden door and a yellow roof.

     What is a green-house made of?

A. 2:  Glass

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Q. 3:  There are six eggs in the basket.

     Six people each take one of the eggs.

     How can it be that one egg is left in the basket?

A. 3:  The last person took the basket with the last egg still inside.

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Q. 4:  Why is it better to have round manhole covers than square ones?

A. 4:  Round covers cannot be dropped or fall down a manhole, unlike square ones.

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Q. 5:  A New York city hairdresser recently said that he would rather cut the hair of three Canadians than one New Yorker. Why?

A. 5:  Because he would earn three times as much money!

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Q. 6:  There are six glasses in a row. The first three are full of water, and the next three are empty.

     By moving only one glass how can you make them alternate between full and empty?

A. 6:  Pour the water from the 2nd glass into the 5th glass.

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Q. 7:  Three men in a cafe order a meal the total cost of which is $15.

      They each contribute $5.

      The waiter takes the money to the chef who recognizes the three as friends and asks the waiter to return $5 to the men.

      The waiter is not only poor at mathematics but dishonest and instead of going to the trouble of splitting the $5 between the three he simply gives them $1 each and pockets the remaining $2 for himself.

      Now, each of the men effectively paid $4, the total paid is therefore $12. Add the $2 in the waiters pocket and this comes to $14.

      ….where has the other $1 gone from the original $15? 

A. 7:  The payments should equal the receipts.

      It does not make sense to add what was paid by the men ($12) to what was received from that payment by the waiter ($2)

      Although the initial bill was $15 dollars, one of the five dollar notes gets changed into five ones.

      The total the three men ultimately paid is $12, as they get three ones back. So from the $12 the men paid, the owner receives $10 and the waiter receives the $2 difference. $15 – $3 = $10 + $2

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Q. 8:  How could a baby fall out of a twenty-story building onto the ground and live?

A. 8:  The baby fell out of a ground floor window.

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Q. 9:  If:

      2 3 = 10

      7 2 = 63

      6 5 = 66

      8 4 = 96

      9 7 = ??

A. 9:  f(n,m) = (n + m) * n

e.g. f(2,3) = (2 + 3) * 2 = 10

Hence, f(9,7) = (9 + 7) * 9 = 144

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Q. 10:  Name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday.

A. 10:  Yesterday, today and tomorrow

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Q. 11:  Many shops have prices set just under a round figure, e.g. $9.99 instead of $10.00 or $99.95 instead of $100.00 . It is assumed that this is done because the price seems lower to the consumer. But this is not the reason the practice started. What was the original reason for this pricing method?

A. 11:  The practice originated to ensure that the clerk had to open the till and give change for each transaction, thus recording the sale and preventing him from pocketing the bank notes.

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Q. 12:  How do you get from cold to warm in four steps, changing only one letter at a time?

C O L D

_  _  _  _

_  _  _  _

_  _  _  _

W A R M

A. 12:  

C O L D

C O R D

W O R D

W O R M  or  W A R D  

W A R M

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Q. 13:  A snail creeps 10 feet up a wall during the daytime, then falls asleep.

     It wakes up the next morning and discovers it slipped down 6 feet.

     If this happens each day, how many days will it take to reach the top of a 22 foot wall?

A. 13:  4 days

     Day 1: up to 10, down to 4

     Day 2: up to 14, down to 8

     Day 3: up to 18, down to 12

     Day 4: up to 22 and done

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Q. 14:  You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus

     An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

     An old friend who once saved your life.

     The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

     Knowing that there can only be one passenger in your car, whom would you choose?

A. 14:   The old lady of course!

    After helping the old lady into the car, you can give your keys to your friend, and wait with your perfect partner for the bus.

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It’s Quiz Show Answers Monday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yet again we plumb the depths of human stupidity. Yes, it’s Monday and time for more quiz show answers.

Enjoy!

 

 

Q: Name something you bang when it’s not working right           

A: Wall

 

 

Q: Name something you might accidentally leave on all night     

A: Shoes

 

 

Q: Name a famous pig 

A: My mother-in-law

 

 

Q: Name a place you dab perfume on   

A: Tip of tongue

 

 

Q: Name a subject elderly people spend a lot of time discussing           

A: Bingo

 

 

Q: Name a famous group of singers     

A: The Simpsons

 

 

Q: Name a food dieters have dreams about at night       

A: Losing weight

 

 

Q: Name a place where you might see a whole lot of shaking going on   

A: The malted milk factory

 

 

Q: Name a country Americans admire    

A: Europe

 

 

Q: Name a brand of gasoline    

A: Regular

A: Unleaded

A: Ethyl           

 

 

Q: Name a country known for its beautiful beaches        

A: Hawaii

 

 

Q: Name a word or phrase you hear in a tennis game     

A: “Fore”

 

 

Q: Name something books tell you that you can do in 30 days or less    

A: Make a baby

 

 

Q: Name something you wear for protection      

A: Gun 

 

 

Q: Name a famous person named Carey (Carrie, Carrey, etc.)     

A: Carey Bradshaw

 

 

Q: Name something people peek through          

A: Down a lady’s blouse

 

 

Q: Name a Scandinavian country           

A: Australia

 

 

Q: Name a city with a reputation as the sin capital of the world   

A: Sodom

 

 

Q: Name a U.S. President that would look good in a Speedo     

A: Harry S. Truman

 

 

Q: One of the three bears         

A: Yogi

 

 

Q: Name a famous Hogan        

A: The Hogan   

 

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Another Tuesday And Another List Of Those Questions

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another Tuesday and another list of questions so important that no one seems to want to ask them –  except here of course.

Enjoy.

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Where does the toe-tag go on a dead person if they don’t have toes?

toetag. 

If you dug a hole through the center of the earth and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?

Gravity elevator
Gravity elevator

 

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Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commercials that says “Not available in all states”?

Allstate Insurance logo - "Not available in all States"
“Not available in all States”

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Do they bury people with their braces on?

braces
braces

 

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How far east can you go before you’re heading west?

compass .

Do dentists go to other dentists or do they just do it themselves?

dentist
dentist

 

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If, in a baseball game, the batter hits a ball splitting it right down the center with half the ball flying out of the park and the other half being caught, what is the final ruling?

homerun .

Why do people think that swaying their arm back and forth would change the direction of a bowling ball?

Bowler
Bowler

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Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot, and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?

Angry driver 

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If pro and con are opposites, wouldn’t the opposite of progress be congress?

No Progress Congress 

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Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don’t taste or smell anything like it.

grapes .

If girls with large breasts work at Hooters, then do girls with one leg work at IHOP?

hootersihop

 

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If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

disobedient child 

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Is it rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food?

sign-language 

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If a transvestite goes missing, would you put their face on a carton of Half and Half?

 transvestite cartoon

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When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?

partly sunny? - or - partly cloudy?
partly sunny? – or – partly cloudy?

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Are eyebrows considered facial hair?

bushy eyebrows

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If a baby’s leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn’t come out until 12:01, which day was he born on?

stork cartoon .

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

The square bread - round meat conundrum
The square bread – round meat conundrum

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Why is the Lone Ranger called ‘Lone’ if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him?

Lone Ranger and Tonto
Lone Ranger and Tonto

 

 

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Awkward Moments – Life’s Great Levelers

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Have you ever had awkward moments when you feel a bit stupider than normal? Thankfully I am not as intellectually challenged as the people who feature in this blog, and, of course, neither are you. But I have had my moments!

For example I have been at serious business meetings in hotels where everybody leaves at the same time. We go outside, say our goodbyes, shake hands  –  and then we all set off walking in the same direction! FFS!!!

There are lots of others too. Here are just some of the classics.

Enjoy!

 

 

That awkward moment when someone says “Hello!” and you say “Good thanks!”

(Okay, so there are times I don’t really listen.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you don’t know whether you should tell someone they have food wedged between their teeth.

(I always leave that job to someone else.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you notice someone’s zipper is down but you don’t want to say anything because you don’t have a good excuse for why you were looking there in the first place.

(So many euphemisms for this one. The awkward bit is when you are talking to someone so dumb they can’t take the hint.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you’re trying to get over someone you weren’t even dating.

(This actually did happen to a friend of mine, the dork!)

 

 

That awkward moment when you don’t know if you should hug someone or not.

(Americans are huggers, continental Europeans are kissers on both cheeks, but the British find the whole idea repulsive and usually recoil in terror – awkward or what?)

 

 

That awkward moment when you try to exit through a closed glass door.

(I’ve posted videos about this one – very funny when it happens to other people.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you pull the push door even though it’s clearly signed.

(I’ve done this one, happens a lot if you are preoccupied with other things.)

 

 

That awkward moment when someone asks you how far along you are, and you are not pregnant.

(Whoops!)

 

 

That awkward moment when someone asks when your baby is due and you had your baby two years ago.

(Double whoops!!)

 

 

That awkward moment when you don’t know which arm rest is yours at the cinema.

(Or which cup holder to stick your drink in. Is there a rule? They haven’t told me??)

 

 

That awkward moment when you get stuck in a bean bag.

(Never a bean bag, but got stuck in a leather chair once, maybe blog about that one.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you arrive at the party and see someone else wearing the same dress.

(Personally I don’t wear dresses, but I can see how it might be awkward.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you’re singing Happy Birthday but you don’t know the name of the person so you just mumble the name part.

(Semi-pro at this one.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you’re talking to someone but you can’t remember their name, so you try to avoid introducing them to the person you’re with.

(Gold medalist if this was an Olympic sport.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you try to sneak a photo of someone but the flash goes off.

(You’d have to know how to work the camera on your phone for this one.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you realize you’ve kept talking after the call dropped out.

(Since the arrival of cell phones who hasn’t had this one happen at least once?)

 

 

That awkward moment when unexpected visitors arrive at 11am and you’re still in your PJ’s.

(Haven’t done this one yet, I just wouldn’t let them in.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you see someone that looks like someone you know, and you scream their name, and it’s not them.

(Well maybe not scream, but I have got names mixed up once or twice.)

 

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