Highlighter Pens Are The Future. Mark My Words!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Mark my words indeed.

It’s Pun Day again.

Enjoy or endure!

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Know what’s odd?

About every other number.

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When I asked my best friend to be my best man,

he said he was “speechless”.

So I said, “You’re no good, I’ll find someone else”.

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I always win at Twister.

Hands down.

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On reflection,

vampires aren’t that scary.

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I’ve just seen a huge Egyptian woman

sticking her ass out the window of a car.

It was a two-ton car moon.

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My neighbor Dave has drunk many

weird and wonderful things in his time.

I asked him if he’d ever drunk cologne.

“No,” he replied. “Always with friends.”

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As they say in France,

one man’s fish

is another man’s poisson.

 

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Everything is easier said than done.

Except procrastination.

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“I’ve got two words for you”

“I can’t count”

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Upon reaching the peak of Everest with my wife,

we realized that there was only enough oxygen left

for one of us to get back down.

So I did the descent thing…

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I recently wrote an essay on the “Communist Manifesto”.

Unfortunately I didn’t really understand the topic,

so I got no Marx.

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Calvin Klein were supposed to

be bringing out a new fragrance…

But it was just aroma.

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The Sahara Desert walks into a bar

The barman says, “Long time no sea.”

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Discovery Channel are releasing a new series about wildlife.

The first program is called “Siamese Ducks”.

It’s a double bill.

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The wife will go spare when she finds out

I’ve lost her only copy of Beethoven’s Unfinished symphony.

I’ll never hear the end of it.

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Perfectly Timed Photos, Part Two

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to part two of this short series of perfectly timed photos, where the click of the camera caught that perfect moment in time.

I would hazard a guess that most of these were taken accidentally, but however they were done the results are good.

Enjoy today’s selection

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CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only, Part Twenty-Three!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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And they said it wouldn’t last.

Yes we are at part twenty-three of the classified ad disasters and the stupidity shows no sign of abating – thank goodness.

Here’s the latest batch.

Enjoy.

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and finally, at last a sport I could do really well,

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Stick It Where The Sun Don’t Shine!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

You’ve possibly heard of the saying, “Stick your head where the sun don’t shine”? If you haven’t, or you are not sure what it means just take a quick look at my logo/gravatar for this blog and you’ll get the picture.

My blog post starts in Paderborn, Germany, where an elephant was under the care of overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt.

The problem was that the poor elephant was constipated and had been for a few days. Not a pleasant affliction if you’ve ever had to suffer it.

In his desperation to help the poor elephant Stefan had given it twenty-two doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes.

Not content with that explosive mixture, Fredrich also thought he would give the plugged-up pachyderm an olive oil enema as well.

As he was doing so, however, the first concoction must have done its work. The elephant let fly and dumped two hundred pounds of poop on top of Fredrich.

Unfortunately, according to flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern, “The sheer force of the elephant’s unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him”.

With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he unfortunately suffocated.

It seems to be just one of those freak one-in-a-million accidents that happens.

Er…. Better make that two-in-a-million.

Here’s a video.

Enjoy!