I’ve Always Found That The Letter ‘N’ Divides Opinion

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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There’s no getting away from it, the letter ‘n’ does divide opinion.

And so too does that little word play device called the Pun.

For those who like them and for those who like to hate them here is another selection.

Enjoy or Endure!

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Getting a job repairing revolving doors

was a real turning point in my life.

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I have a friend who is ambidextrous illiterate…

He can’t write anything with both hands.

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My wife asked me “Would you say that I was likeable?”

I said “No love, bulls are male. You’re like a cow.”

 

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What is Stephen Hawking’s favourite cream?

sQWERTY.

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I’ve never asked a rhetorical question.

How cool is that?

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I once got asked to do a sketch of

an old gameshow host dressed up as a Charlies Angel.

I drew Barrymore.

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There’s a gang going through our town,

systematically shoplifting clothes in size order…

The police believe they’re still at large.

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I know a guy who has one eye bigger than the other.

His name is Iain.

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A recent study proved that I shouldn’t try

to add unnecessary rooms to my house.

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There is a remote tribe

that worships the number Zero.

Is nothing sacred?

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What cheese do you use

to disguise horse meat?

Mascarpone.

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Yesterday, a Lumberjack slipped

and cut into his leg with a chainsaw.

He lost a lot of blood, but although

they managed to stem the flow,

paramedics say he is still not out of the woods yet.

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I’m not afraid of flying.

I am, however, afraid of being 35,000 feet

in the air and suddenly “not” flying.

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I don’t know what the fascination is with strip clubs.

It’s just the same old thong and dance.

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Elton John has got so fat recently, he is having

to have his trousers specially made for him,

He’s had to say goodbye normal jeans…

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Did You Know – The More I Know, The More I Know I Don’t know.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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This is a bit Donald Rumsfeld, but it is certainly true that the more of these facts I see, the more I know I don’t know, except I would know if I could remember them all.

But enough of that.

Let’s get on with today’s lot.

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The official state vegetable of Oklahoma

is the watermelon.

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Horses cannot breathe through their mouths.

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The word ‘Hazard’ comes from the Arabic ‘al zahr’ which means ‘the dice’.

The term came to be associated with dice during the Crusades

and eventually took on a negative connotation because

games of dice were associated with gambling.

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If you eat a teaspoon of sugar after eating something spicy,

it will completely neutralize the heat.

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When the oldest person on Earth was born,

there was a completely different set of people on the planet.

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The last veteran of the American Civil War died in 1956,

long enough to see the atomic bomb dropped in Japan.

Albert Henry Woolson, last surviving Civil War veteran on either side whose status is undisputed.

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A “butt load” is an actual unit of measurement,

equivalent to 126 gallons.

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The word ‘posh’, which denotes luxurious rooms or accommodations,

originated when ticket agents in England

marked the tickets of travelers going by ship to the Orient.

Since there was no air conditioning in those days,

it was always better to have a cabin on the shady side of the ship

as it passed through the Mediterranean and Suez area.

Since the sun is in the south, those with money paid extra

to get cabins on the left, or port, traveling to the Asia,

and on the right, or starboard, when returning to Europe.

Hence their tickets were marked with the initials for

Port Outbound Starboard Homebound, or POSH.

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Nepal is the only country without a rectangular flag,

it looks like two pennants glued one on top of the other.

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Dr Seuss wrote “Green Eggs And Ham”

to win a bet against his publisher

who thought that Seuss could not complete

a book using only 50 words.

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Crocodiles are more closely related to birds than to lizards.

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Not only was James Garfield ambidextrous,

he could write Latin with one hand

and Greek with the other at the same time.

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Shakespeare and Pocahontas

were alive at the same time.

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Kiribati is the first country in the world

that will be entirely lost due to rising sea levels.

They are already planning the complete and

permanent evacuation of the population.

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Duddley Do Right’s Horses name was “Horse.”

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