Word Play? Bad Jokes? Whatever you call them they’re Still Pun To Me

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

A few more puns to make you laugh or groan.

Enjoy them if you can.

.

.

The cannibal was so nervous he threw up his hands

cannibal

. 

He said I was average – but he was just being mean.

average mean pun

.0 

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

hurdles

. 

Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.    

noah

. 

The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn’t the sole owner – there were strings attached.

old woman who lived in a shoe

. 

Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you. 

xray

. 

We never got the tent up because of all the missed stakes we had.

Camping-Cartoon

. 

The book of incantations was useless. The author had failed to run a spell check.

wizard with a magic book of incantations

. 

I finished my trigonometry exam without a secant to lose.

trig cartoon

. 

Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

stork carrying baby

. 

We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn’t even afford to pay attention.

pay attention

. 

I once thought about cloning a new, more efficient brain, but then I realized that I was getting a head of myself.

cloning cartoon

. 

If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster.        

alphabet soup

. 

Biologists have recently produced immortal frogs by removing their vocal cords. They can’t croak.         

cartoon frog

. 

The police arrested two kids yesterday, one for drinking battery acid and the other one for eating fireworks. They charged one but let the other one off.

battery firework pun

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

sleeping

.

A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation.          

sweeping

. 

And finally,

 

Did you know that Macy’s have a contractual obligation to hire an unemployed man every November and December to play Father Christmas? It’s known as the Santa clause.

santaclaus

 .

==================================

.

A Few More Random Questions

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 .

This seems to be the week of questions on the fasab blog. It wasn’t planned that way, sometimes things just happen coincidentally, although you would have a job on your hands trying to convince a conspiracy theorist about that.

On Sunday we had questions in the form of a test, yesterday some quiz show questions (although the stars were the answers) and today another selection of those questions most of us ignore, but when we see them we think, “Yeah, why didn’t I ever ask that?”.

So here is the latest batch for you to think about.

Enjoy.

 .

 .

 Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?

 .

.

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

 .

.

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

lipstick and lips drawing 

.

.

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest and there is no one around, will it make a sound?

.

Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?

psychic

.

.

Why is it that Easy Listening music is so hard to listen to?

.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

.

.

Why can’t you be a non-conformist like everyone else?

.

If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?

.

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

.

If you had everything, where would you put it?

.

Why are men’s and women’s shoe sizes different?

different shoe sizes for men and women

.

.

How do blind people know their stick is white?

.

.

Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?

.

If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?

.

If you’re cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

.

.

If most streets in Japan do not have any names how do you address a letter to someone?

confused postman

.

.

If Tarzan was raised in the jungle by apes, why doesn’t he ever have a beard?

.

.

Before drawing boards were invented what was it people went back to?

drawing board

.

==================================

I Suppose I Should Be Doing These On A Punday Not A Thursday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 .

I got an email recently from Paul Ryan (well, probably one of his little helpers) inviting me to some kind of election shin-dig they were having. How he got my email address I don’t know because I haven’t signed up for anything even resembling political.

Whoever wins, we get the same people really in charge. There can be no doubt about that after Obama’s four years of “no we can’t” and changing nothing of consequence.

And then there was the debate in Denver. By all accounts a win for Romney and a lackluster performance by Obama. A CBS News poll of “uncommitted voters”, gave Romney 46% as opposed to 22% for Obama (with 32% calling it a tie).

Not that performance in debates count for much in the long run, but this one has made an “unshakable” lead for Obama into a much closer competition – until the next debate anyway – which might turn what has been a relatively dull campaign into something more exciting. Don’t hold your breath, though.

 

Meantime we have much more important things to investigate and to lighten the mood.

Yes, from pundit to punday, another excuse for more bad jokes, using the clever ploy of the pun.

Can you take it?

If you can, then enjoy.

 

 

You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

 

 

Is the Local Area Network in Australia – the LAN down under?

 

 

Every calendar’s days are numbered.

 

 

A lot of money is tainted – taint yours and taint mine.

 

 

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

 

 

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

 

 

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

 

 

Are Santa’s helpers subordinate clauses?

 

 

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

 

 

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

 

 

Seven days without a pun makes one weak.

 

 

When the actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.

 

 

When a scientist was doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals to try to solve a problem he accidentally fell in and became part of the solution.

 

 

If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, could it spell disaster?

 

 

After they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart.

 

 

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

 

 

The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.

 

 

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

 

 

Rabbits like their beer brewed with a lot of hops.

 

 

Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.

 

 

===================================