Ignorant? Why, I Don’t Know The Meaning Of The Word!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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They say ignorance is bliss and to a great extent I think that is correct.

I’m not sure you could say puns are bliss, but some of us seem to enjoy them, and for those who do here are some more.

Enjoy or endure.

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rofl

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I’ve trained my dog to bring me a glass of red wine.

It’s a Bordeaux collie.

Bordeaux collie

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My friend asked me to get him a job at the opticians.

He knew I had the contacts.

contact lenses

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I’ve just opened a shoe shop.

So far I’ve successfully kept everyone away from it.

empty shoe shop

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I applied for a job in Australia

I think I have the necessary koalafications.

koalafications

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During a spelling test, our teacher told us to write down ‘to capitalize’.

That one was too easy I thought, as I wrote ‘I I’.

spelling test1

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I used to smoke Benson & Hedges, but then I changed brands.

It’s all been Dunhill from there.

Dunhill

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I just bought a Swiss car.

It runs like clockwork,

but I can’t figure out how to get it out of neutral.

clockwork car

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I’ve decided to make money writing dieting books.

I’m told they appeal to a very wide audience.

diets-dieters-diet_books

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I laid flowers for mother at the wrong tombstone.

It was a grave mistake.

wrong tombstone

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An apostrophe is the difference between

a business that should know its shit,

and a business that should know it’s shit.

apostrophe

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A few people are complaining about the new

lightning conductor at the concert hall.

A lot of the orchestra can’t keep up with him.

Conductor

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I fixed my wife up with a new job the other day

– as a human cannonball.

She went ballistic!

human cannonball

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I made a hotel out of little cheesy biscuits.

It’s not exactly the Ritz.

Ritz crackers

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I went to the doctor feeling ill and he said

“Lie down and cover yourself in salt.”

“How will that help?” I asked.

“Don’t know,” he said. “But in a week’s time you’ll be cured”.

curing salt

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Deleted scene from Alien:

“I can’t open the milk!”

“In space, no-one can. Here, use cream.”

alien_1979_tom_skerritt_sigourney_weaver

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May The Fourth Be With You – And This Time I Mean It!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I remember on this day last year starting out with great intentions of doing a Star Wars based post in tribute the day that has become known to many as ‘Star Wars Day’ because of the pun on the memorable phrase coined in the movie series “May the force be with you”.

Unfortunately I failed miserably last year because the post ended up as one about a guy who had built himself a really cool looking laser gun based on the phasers from Star Trek, not Star Wars. (Here’s the link if you missed it –  click here)

So time to make amends.

may the 4th be with you

Taken together the Star Wars series of movies has to be one of the most watched and highest grossing ever in the history of the cinema, if not THE greatest. The original 1977 movie itself has been estimated to have taken $2,710,800,000 in today’s inflation adjusted terms.

On top of that it has spawned a plethora of merchandising material from t-shirts to robots to gadgets to almost everything that could be seen in the movies themselves, and then some!

Top of everyone’s list has to be a lightsabre – I have never met anyone who has seen Star Wars who didn’t want to be the proud owner of a light sabre, including me.

From the first time you saw the flash of light and heard that ‘hummm’, way back in 1977, in Obi-Wan Kenobi’s bungalow, even though you didn’t really know what it was, you still knew you wanted one – needed one!

Well for a bit north of $100 now you can own one, the Star Wars Force FX Lightsaber! It has the light, it has the sound, and it looks the part – well almost.

lightsaber_extended

From the sublime, however, we also have the ridiculous.

Somewhere out there is that great Universe you just know that at least one moron has subjected their poor dog to the indignity of a Star Wars suit. Poor mutt, even the look on its face says it all.

star-wars-at-at-dog-costume

And there are lots of other stuff in between, including these

145560_f520

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  star-wars-chopsticks

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 Star-Wars-themed-Evian-bottles

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star-wars-watch_12

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star-wars-gadgets-mods-darth-vader-clock-2

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r2-code

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sony_dev-5k

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lego-stars-wars-table-soccer

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lego-star-wars-chess-set

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han-solo-desk-2

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Finally, an interesting little piece of trivia that would just as easily have taken its place in one of my ‘Did you know factoids’. 

Star Wars fans were not the first to introduce the line “May the fourth be with you”. When the recently deceased Margaret Thatcher was elected Britain’s first female Prime Minister on May 4, 1979, her party placed an advertisement in The London Evening News that said “May the Fourth Be with You, Maggie. Congratulations.” This reading of the line has also been recorded in the UK Parliament’s Hansard.

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