To Be Fair, It Needs To Stop Raining.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

But of course sometimes life isn’t fair.

Sometimes it’s Pun Day.

Enjoy or endure!

.

rofl

.

Tink my postmn is a thif

My leters keep gong misin

Postman Donald

.

.

I asked a French bloke

if he played video games.

He said Wii.

Postman Donald

.

.

Chickens don’t have friends.

They only have pen pals.

chickens in pen

.

.

I was sent on an anger management course.

Apparently it’s all the rage.

anger_management_training

.

.

Chewbacca forgets to delete his history before

letting his girlfriend use his computer

….wookie error

Chewbacca

.

.

My brother takes part in a weather

predicting contest every month.

He’s the raining champion.

raining

.

.

I used to know a depressed cross eyed girl…

She never looked forward to anything.

cross eyed girl

.

.

There was a knock at the front door.

My wife answered it and said to me

there’s a man at the door with a bald head’‘.

I said ‘‘tell him to get lost, I’ve already got one’

man at the door with a bald head

.

.

I’m directing a cowboy movie called ‘The Sun’.

It’s set in the west.

sunset monument valley

.

.

My wife just spent $100 getting a bikini wax.

What a flipping rip off.

cartoon bikini wax

.

.

Is anyone here called Allen?

I think I found your keys

allen-keys

.

.

I’m an alcoholic and have frittered the best 

years of my life away looking at the world

through the bottom of a glass.

All I ask for is another shot.

another shot

.

.

There’s a certain stigma attached

to reproduction organs,

especially in flowers.

crocus_stigma

.

.

Three Chinese brothers, Bu, Chu, and Fu,

wanted to illegally live in America.

The brothers decide to change

their names to seem more American.

Bu changed his name to Buck.

Chu changed his name to Chuck.

And Fu got sent back to China.

three Chinese brothers

.

.

I went to a Motown reunion last night and

promised myself I wouldn’t suck up to any of the artists…

But The Temptations were there.

.

.

======================================

.

 

For Sale: Replica Fisherman’s Knife (Made To Scale).

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

First pun day of August folks.

The months may change but pun day is forever, or until I run out of puns whichever comes first.

So here are today’s selection.

I hope you enjoy them.

.

.

I’ve decided to take the day off today.

I’m just going to call it to.

day off cartoon

.

.

I’m in a heavy metal band.

I play lead.

lead_pb_periodic_table_169

.

.

I filled my car up with gasoline this morning.

Wish I hadn’t now, the seats are ruined.

gas fill

.

.

Is nothing built in America any more?

I got a new TV the other day and on the box it said

‘BUILT IN ANTENNA’.

built in antenna

.

.

My garden is only 36 inches wide.

More like a yard.

yard

.

.

My grandfather is a Cold War veteran

He can’t afford to put the heating on.

grandpa

.

.

It’s not hard getting to work in the snow,

you just need a bit of grit.

true grit

.

.

My neighbor just showed me his new wind turbine.

I was blown away,

wind turbines

.

.

Well the judge said that from now on

I can only see my children with supervision.

I said why, how far away will they be?

super-vision

.

.

I dropped my cell phone in the bath yesterday.

I said to my wife, “My phone is finished”.

She said, “It might still work, have you tried ringing it?”

I said, “Yes, but not much water is coming out”.

cell-phone-dropped-in-water

.

.

I just bought an alcoholic ginger beer.

He wasn’t pleased.

alcohol_cartoon

.

.

Sometimes I enjoy my steak under cooked,

Of course, that’s rare.

barney-rubble-steak

.

.

I recently quit my job as a butler at a stately home.

I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.

butler-cartoon

.

.

In class today the teacher gave me a square piece of paper

and asked if I could turn it into an octagon.

“Sure,” I said. “I’ll have it done for next week, sir.”

“No, I need it now,” was the reply.

“Okay, I’ll have to cut a few corners though.”

octagon

.

.

I was chatting to a couple of girls today.

I said, “Give me your numbers and we can go out for a drink sometime”.

One of the girls said, “Okay, give us two secs.”

I said, “No problem, that’s exactly what I had in mind.”

two girls

.

.

I’ve invented a device called a ‘base-ball.’

I’m thinking of pitching it on Shark Tank.

shark tank

.

.

I walked past some joggers in the park today.

They weren’t very fast.

joggers

.

.

I was at the observatory the other day.

The astronomer said to me, “Look at this massive star!”

I replied, “Actually, that’s a cluster of stars, if it’s any constellation.”

observatory

.

.

I went to the Natural History Museum and

saw the two bees that Noah took with him.

They were in the archives.

noah-ark-cartoon

.

.

Now, for the final trick, I’m going to turn this

Grandfather clock to one hundredth of its original size…

Watch….

grandfather clocks

.

==============================

.