Do You Really Want A Liar In The White House?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hillary Clinton liar

I ended a post last week that ended with the line, “If you want a liar in the White House there’s always Hillary.”

Some people may have thought it a little harsh, particularly those who were considering voting for her, but harsh or not it is a fact.

Her wayward husband Bill was a liar and he made President and impeachment. Now she is trying to carry on the tradition.

Hillary simply cannot tell the truth.

Everyone knows it.

And everyone includes the representatives from other countries that she would have to interact with, if – God help us – the American people are stupid enough to make her President.

Unfortunately, such is the attention span of people nowadays they only seem to remember the last thing they see and hear. If something happened in the past it is as if it never occurred at all.

2016 US Presidential race

With a position as important as the US Presidency at stake it is surely necessary to examine the candidates more closely than that.

Hillary Clinton’s lies are many and they cover almost every aspect of her life. She is an opportunist, always willing to try to enhance her position by lying. Nothing is sacred.

And it isn’t a recent occurrence. Hillary Rodham Clinton has been a liar for her entire political life, probably longer than that.

Take a look for yourselves.

hillary clinton 09

Going waaaaay back to 1974, when Hillary Clinton was 27, she worked for the House Judiciary Committee which at that time was investigating Richard Nixon and Watergate.

Strictly against House rules, she met with Teddy Kennedy’s chief political strategist and then manipulated the system, wrote a “fraudulent legal brief” and “confiscated public documents”.

They had no choice but fire Hillary Rodham. When asked why she was fired, Jerry Zeifman, Chairman of the House Judiciary Committee during the Watergate investigation, said in an interview, “Because she was a liar. She was an unethical, dishonest lawyer, she conspired to violate the Constitution, the Rules of the House, the Rules of the Committee, and the rules of confidentiality.”

Zeifman later wrote in a 2006 book titled ‘Hillary’s Pursuit of Power’, that “Hillary Clinton is ethically unfit to be either a senator or president.”

Hillary Clinton fired from Congressional job for unethical behaviorpng

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When she made it to the White House as First Lady, she was still a stranger to the truth. Trying to distance herself from another gaff, Hillary said she didn’t know that her staff would fire the travel office staff after she told them to do so.

Hillary lied.

Staff do what you tell them to do. That’s why they work for you and not you for them. The memorandum relating to the firings went  “missing” for two years.

Hillary you're fired

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The “missing” lie was a trait that was to continue. Documents regarding Hillary’s work at the Rose Law firm in Arkansas, specifically regarding a savings and loan company run by the Clintons’ business partner in the Whitewater land venture also went “missing” for two years.

Eventually they miraculously reappeared when a White House aide found them, in the White House, in a storage area on the third-floor, which is the private residence of the President and First Lady.

Hillary said that she had no idea the documents were there, which would have been fine except for the fact that the FBI found Hillary’s fingerprints on the documents. Hillary is still the only First Lady in American history to be fingerprinted by the FBI.

fingerprint

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Lying to take advantage of national tragedies is also a depth to which Hillary Clinton will gladly stoop.

For example, when everyone else was in shock and sympathizing with the victims of the 9/11 terrorist attack tragedy, Hillary tried to take some of the attention for herself. She said her daughter Chelsea was jogging around the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001 at the time of the airplanes flew into the twin towers.

Hillary lied.

Chelsea was in bed watching it on TV.

9-11 attacks wtc

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To try to aggrandize herself on another occasion, Hillary said she was named after Sir Edmund Hillary, conqueror of Mount Everest.

Hillary lied.

Sir Edmund Hillary climbed Mt. Everest five years AFTER Hillary Rodham was born. Nobody knew who he was and therefore wouldn’t have named their children after him.

Sir Edmund Hillary, conqueror of Mount Everest - the Aukland Star

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When she was on a visit to Bosnia, Hillary said she came under sniper fire as she disembarked at the airport.

Hillary lied.

Video taken at the time shows a girl presented her with flowers and she and Chelsea can be seen on video walking across the Bosnian tarmac smiling and greeting well-wishers. Not a sniper’s bullet in sight. Here’s a nice video report to prove it.

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As regards finances, Hillary said she learned in The Wall Street Journal how to make a killing in the futures market.

Hillary lied.

The Wall Street Journal didn’t even cover the market back then.

stock_market board

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Hillary said she didn’t know about the pardons given to members of the violent Puerto Rico nationalist group FALN or that her brothers were being paid to get pardons that her husband Bill Clinton granted.

Hillary lied.

Her husband and her brothers knew and she didn’t? A likely story! With an ill-advised stroke of a pen President Clinton made a mockery of the pledge to “wage an all-out war against terrorism” by pardoning 14 FALN terrorists.

FALN terrorists logo

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Still on the subject of pardons, Hillary also said she had nothing to do with the New Square Hasidic pardons that reduced the prison terms of four New York Hasidic Jews convicted of defrauding tens of millions of dollars from the government.

Hillary lied.

In fact, of all the pardons that President Clinton granted as he was leaving the White House, this one has Hillary written all over it. She attended a meeting at the White House about the pardons and got repaid in votes, 1,400 to 12.

New Square Hasidic pardons

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To try to excuse her greed, Hillary said taking the White House gifts was a “clerical error”.

Hillary lied.

The “error”, clerical or otherwise, was getting caught and she came up with the best excuse she could think of at the time.

hillary-clinton-winking-AP-640x480

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To try to make herself look more statesmanlike Hillary said she negotiated for the release of refugees in Macedonia.

Hillary lied.

They were released the day before she even got there.

refugees_macedonia

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In a pathetic attempt to get sympathy where none was deserved, Hillary said her family was broke when they left the White House.

Hillary lied.

And they only made a paltry $12 million the year after Bill Clinton’s Presidency.

hillbillary clinton

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Never noted for her humility, Hillary said she was “instrumental” in the Northern Ireland peace process.

Hillary lied.

She and President Bill visited Northern Ireland and did some PR work for the deal that ushered terrorists into government in Belfast, but those actually at the negotiating table say Hillary was nowhere to be seen.

ni peace talks

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Hillary said the terrorist attack in Benghazi, Libya, that killed a U.S. ambassador and three other officials was a “spontaneous protest” gone wrong.

Hillary lied.

Based on State Department documents we know that, not only was Benghazi a terrorist attack, but that Hillary was well aware of that fact and deliberately misled the public.

American-victims-of-Benghazi-terror-attack-9-11-2012

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Then there is the private email server she set up the day before her nomination as Secretary of State, and used for her entire tenure in that office. Hillary said the whole thing was innocent and that access would be given to scrutinize her emails.

Hillary lied.

The whole procedure was far from innocent. For one thing it is in direct violation of a 2009 Federal Law.  Hillary set up her private email server and used it when she was Secretary of State so that there would be no official government records of those emails. She could pick and choose what to release and what to delete. Her aides also used private email addresses. Actualy both the Clintons loved email for that very reason, because it was so much easier to hide stuff, when she was asked to turn over 1.8 million emails to Judicial Watch, Congress, and federal investigators.

hillary clinton email scandal cartoon

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What do you call someone with a record like that except a liar?

How are we supposed to believe that all of a sudden she has had a “road to the White House” conversion and become honest and straightforward, rather than a schemer and a liar?

I’m reminded of that old joke,

Question: “How can you tell when a politician is lying?”

Answer: “When his/her lips are moving.”

It needs to be updated for Hillary.

She can lie even when her lips aren’t moving, or get emails or other people to do it for her.

So do you want a liar in the White House?

Do you???

hillary clinton 3 dollar bill

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The High Flying Profiteers And Suckers Like Me!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

airfares

Yesterday I wrote a short post about the over-supply in the oil market and how the price has fallen and likely to remain at lower levels for a while – major global catastrophes excepted of course.

The strange thing is – a little bit of sarcasm there, it’s not really strange at all – is that the substantial fall in oil prices has not led to the consumer paying less for their air fares. Gas prices for your car have come down, but the cost of your ticket on the airlines hasn’t. In other words air travelers – suckers like me – are paying the same for a ticket as we were before the oil slump.

I smell a bit of profiteering going on. More than a bit actually. Not to mention collusion between the bigger airlines to keep their ticket prices inflated.

rising airfare

Of course the big airlines counter with arguments like they have to buy their fuel well in advance and therefore they bought at the older, higher price. That may well be true but they are also buying right now at the much lower price which should more than compensate and mean a drop in ticket prices.

Yes – but I mean, no – don’t be silly, the poor airlines have had to invest a lot of money to upgrade their services, fleets and infrastructures.

I would believe that more if I weren’t still traveling on the same clapped out airplanes with wonky seats squashed up against each other in the sardine like manner we have come to hate but endure. On top of that we, the customers, now have to do most of the work for the airline staff like checking ourselves in, printing our own luggage tags, and so forth.

self check in

It is remarkable that not only does a significant drop in fuel costs lead to the same or higher airfares, but the much heralded mergers that we are told will increase efficiency and decrease costs also mean the same or higher air fares too.

What these consolidations, or mergers, really do is to reduce competition – there are only four major US airlines American-US Airways, Delta, Southwest and United – and allow airlines to set prices with little fear of being undersold. And in any case, what most of the public do not know is that airlines don’t price their flights based on their cost, they price it based on demand and demand does not seem to be very price sensitive.

It’s one of those heads they win tales we lose scenarios. So don’t hold your breath for anything more than a token drop in airfares in the near future.

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A Few Of Today’s Facts Really Stink.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Sorry, but today a few of the facts really do stink.

But you might find them interesting nonetheless.

I hope so anyway.

So here they are.

Enjoy.

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did you know3

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There are 13 ways to spell

the “o” sound in French.

Oh?

 parlez-vous

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In the TV series Star Trek,

The Enterprise’s often seen access tunnels

that they called ‘Jeffries Tubes’

were named after original series

prop master Walter M Jeffries.

 JefferiesTube Star Trek

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Vitamin A is important for vision,

the immune system function,

reproduction and support for the

heart, lungs and kidneys.

According to National Institutes of Health (NIH),

around 28%–37% of the general population

take supplements with vitamin A,

however,

just one sweet potato baked in the skin

has 28,058 international units (IU) of

vitamin A per serving,

which is 561% of the daily recommended value.

 sweet potato baked in skin

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In 2002, a man was hit by a truck in Finland

as he was trying to cross highway 8 on his bike.

2 hours later his twin brother was also hit by a truck

while trying to cross highway 8 on his bike.

They died within 1.5 km of each other, 2 hours apart.

 cartoon twins

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The US Air Force once experimented with a

Boeing 747 mounted with an anti-missile defense system

that they hoped could track and shoot down

enemy missiles from hundreds of miles away.

Technically called the YAL-1 Airborne Laser

the project was eventually cancelled.

 Airborne-Laser-Weapon_photo_medium

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The Aztecs are the Aztecs at all.

The name Aztec was actually made up by Europeans,

the name they called themselves was the ‘Mexica’.

 Aztecs

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It is estimated that the inhabitants

of medieval London, both human and animal,

produced fifty tons of excrement a day.

As a matter of fact, during the fourteenth century,

Sherborne Lane in East London was so disgusting

that it was officially known as Shiteburn Lane.

 sherborne lane Nigel Clark Publications

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The reason around 99% of the population

tend to need glasses, especially for reading,

as they get older is not because

their arms get shorter, but because

the lens in the eyes slowly loses

its focusing ability with age.

 A classic example of being in reading glasses denial.

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Translated as the “Swimming Car”

the Volkswagen Schwimmwagen is an

amphibious four-wheel drive off-roader,

used extensively by the German Wehrmacht

and the Waffen-SS during WWII.

The Type 166 is the most numerous and

mass-produced amphibious car in history.

 Volkswagen Schwimmwagen

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Think you have a bad job?

It could be worse.

You could be a Breath Odor Evaluator.

These are people hired by mint and

toothpaste companies to keep smelling

bad breath until the minty freshness appears.

 Breath Odor Evaluator

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But these people have it made

compared to Dog Breath Sniffers,

who do the same job, only for dogs.

Phew!!!

 dog's breath

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Stanley Kubrick hated traveling and

was a little afraid of airplanes.

For that reason,

even though set mostly in Vietnam,

Full Metal Jacket was fully shot in London.

The abandoned Beckton Gas Works that were used

to shoot the major battle scenes are still there today.

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Did You Know? – Find Out The Latest Facts Here.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, today is your chance to find out the latest crop of facts on the fasab blog.

As random as ever, I hope there will be at least a few of interest.

Enjoy.

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did you know4

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There is a $5 fine for anyone on staff at the

real Top Gun school who quotes the movie.

top gun

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If you were to remove all of the empty space from the

atoms that make up every human on earth,

the entire world population could fit into an apple.

(Core blimey!)

apple

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Highest human settlement, the mining town of 

La Rinconada Found in Peru,

is in the highest hospitable regions of the world.

Any higher and human’s would not be able to adapt.

La Rinconada Found

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A New Orleans man hired a pirate to rescue

Napoleon from his prison on St. Helena.

a pirate

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Arabic numerals (the ones used in English)

were not invented by the Arabs at all

– they were actually invented by Indian mathematicians.

text-arabic-numbers0-9

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Sean Connery was offered up to 15% of

the Lord Of The Rings worldwide receipts to play Gandalf,

but he declined because he ‘didn’t understand the script’.

The decision cost him $400 million!

Gandalf

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There are around 30 million accounts on Facebook

of people who have already died.

Facebook

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In 1912, a Paris orphanage held a raffle to raise money

—the prizes were live babies.

Paris orphanage baby lottery

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The only city whose name can be spelled completely with vowels

is Aiea, Hawaii, located approximately twelve miles west of Honolulu.

map_of_aiea_hi

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The Statue of Liberty’s tablet is two feet thick.

(That one’s hard to swallow!)

Statue of Liberty's tablet

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Mauna Kea, the volcano on Hawaii’s big island

is over twice as tall as Mount Everest

if measured from its base on the sea floor to its peak.

Mauna Kea

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The chief translator for the European Parliament

is fluent in 32 languages.

chief translator for the European Parliament

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At the start of World War I, the US Airforce

(then a component of the US army)

had only 18 pilots and 5 – 12 airplanes.

Nowadays they have a lot!

just some of the US Air force planes

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Located in Canada, Mount Thor has a vertical drop of 1,250 meters

and despite its extremely remote location in the frozen tundra of

Canada’s northern provinces, it is a popular rock climbing destination.

Trepanier_MountThor87

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Gary Numan is older than Gary Oldman

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It’s An Ill Wind….

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The original title of this post was “Farting On Airplanes” because it is really about farting on airplanes, but I thought it might be better just to call it “It’s An Ill Wind”.

No, come on, now you know don’t turn your noses up, or pretend this is something that (a) you’ve never thought about, or (b) never done. Farting on airplanes is an international phenomenon that transcends all nationalities, religions, ages, creeds, classes and colors.

It is in fact the common bond of all the world’s travelers.

Whether it can ever bring us closer together, however, is another thing (Phew!)

longer larger fart plane

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This is a quite embarrassing story. Not something one would normally admit to, but people write unusual things on blogs.

It concerns one of the first long haul flights that I was ever on.

Nowadays, as a seasoned flyer, I always have a good meal before the flight. I don’t suffer from air sickness of any kind and I don’t care for the stuff they call airline food. Back then, however, I was a novice and ended up on board without any breakfast other than a cup of coffee. My stomach was empty – of food anyhow.

All was well for about twenty or thirty minutes and then it started.

The obvious solution would have been to get up and go to the toilet. But easy options aren’t the way I have gone through life so far.

Also it was a big plane, a 747, and the toilets were quite a bit away from my seat. I would face a long walk down the narrow aisle.

Not that the walk itself was the problem. It was just that whoever designs airline seats has arranged things so that the nose and ears of the person sitting down is just about at the same height as the bottom of the person walking casually past.

You see the predicament?

In any case, I found myself in a window seat with two other seats to negotiate before I got to the aisle. Such was the pressure building up that I feared the exertion of hopping over the additional seats would make the whole purpose of the journey somewhat redundant.

There was nothing for it but to stay where I was, with the unfortunate choice being either bursting or releasing some of the pressure. Not unnaturally I chose to do the latter option.

As these things go it was a substantial outcome. But the drone of the plane engines (they were a lot louder in those days, I think, I hope, weren’t they?) seemed to drown out any other background noises.

I didn’t hear a thing.

I double checked by having a quick look at the person unfortunate enough to be sitting beside me, but there was no sign in the expression on his face that anything untoward had happened. Either that or he was a professional poker player with a practiced deadpan expression – or in a state of semi consciousness as a result of the concussive force emanating from the seat beside him.

My confidence grew. I thought of the famous campfire scene from Blazing Saddles and let a few more go in tribute.

Farting Mid Flight

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I was so happy at the relief and at the fact that all was undetected that I allowed myself a triumphant smile, and then even a laugh. The movie I was watching was a comedy so my laughter didn’t look out of place either.

It was all good.

Hang on a minute.

All was not as good as it seemed.

Cut the laughter and cue serious worried face.

I suddenly realized that all this time I had been wearing the headphones the flight attendant had given us for the movies they were showing. No wonder I had heard nothing!

Oh dear me! What had I done?

Well, I knew what I had done, of course. The big question now was, did anyone else know? Had they heard me doing it?

I looked again at the man in the seat beside me. Again no perceivable reaction on his face that indicated that anything out of the ordinary had happened, although now I was aware of them I saw that he too was wearing the headphones.   

I was relieved a bit, but still very curious. And when I get curious about something I have to try to find an answer.

So there was nothing for it but let rip again, this time with my headphones off.

And that’s what I did.

Thankfully, in the interests of the scientific experiment now under way, the quality of the offending item had not diminished in force. A guy knows about these things even without any audio feedback.

To my great relief, in every meaning of the word, I still didn’t hear a thing. The drone of the airplane engines had indeed drowned out any other sounds.

It was a magnificently liberating experience and from that day on I have never looked back, as it were.

Further experimentation revealed that the same undetectable result could be achieved even on much smaller airplanes. Commercial jets I’m talking about, of course, this is not a sport to indulge in on a single engined Cesna or something like that.

I also found out that it is possible I have been saving the airlines lucky enough to win my custom a small fortune. As you know the air in airplanes these days is all re-circulated and, as the methane content of a fart is lighter than air, the captured gas therefore contributes to keeping the airplane airborne with a consequent saving on fuel. That’s my story anyhow.

farting in airplanes

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And the good news just keeps on coming.

Independent research confirms that a person’s sense of smell is greatly suppressed in the reduced cabin air pressure, which incidentally is also why airplane food tastes so bad. 

So now if you are on an airplane and sitting beside someone who is chuckling to himself – or herself, yes ladies your secret is out – you’ll know the real reason why!

One day it might even be me!!!

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Two Post Tuesday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It’s not often that I post twice in one day. I did the funny post earlier but there is something else that I want to say and today is the day to say it. Strap yourselves in!

I don’t remember where I was when JKF was shot. It was a bit too far back in time for me to be worrying about such things. I do remember where I was when I saw my first movie about the assassination, though. I was in a cinema. The movie was called Executive Action and starred Burt Lancaster. Some critics panned it at the time but I thought it was very good, based on a conspiracy theme naturally enough. I actually thought it was better that Stone’s acclaimed effort, ‘JFK’, made many years later.

I also remember where I was this day eleven years ago. It was the day that the world changed for ever and I was sitting in my study at home battling with a few spreadsheets for a business plan I was putting together. The TV was on in the background and the normal programs suddenly cut to what was happening in New York.

 

World Trade Center, New York City,   September 11,  2001
World Trade Center, New York City, September 11, 2001

Of course that was the end of my spreadsheets for the day. I became totally enthralled in the news coverage which was to say the least confused. By that time the first tower was belching out a steady stream of smoke. It was clearly on fire and had been very badly damaged.

The reporters were speculating as to what may have been the cause. They talked about ‘accidents’ and eyewitness reports of a small private aircraft hitting the building. But, to anyone with any wit at all, it had to have been much more than a small airplane to do that amount of damage to a building that huge.

Then, as I continued to watch, the second plane hit the other tower. Some of the reporters still could not come to grips with what was happening. The second plane was clearly a large commercial jet and, equally clearly, it had been flown deliberately into the second tower.

This was the real deal. And all of the multi-billion dollar military/intelligence defense network had been caught with their trousers down round their collective ankles.

A massive terror attack was in progress and we were able to watch it in real time on our televisions. It was at the same time mesmerizing, engrossing and, not least, horrifying.

The horrific nature of what had happened became clearer when everyone began to realize that, not only had many innocent people probably lost their lives when the airplanes had struck the buildings, but also that there was little or no hope of saving those on the floors above where the impact had occurred. It got even worse when some of the trapped people threw themselves out of the building and could been seen falling to the ground and to certain death.

Emergency services rushed to the scene. Many acts of extreme bravery followed as police and firefighters went into the burning buildings with little or no regard for their own safety. I can’t say this for sure, but I imagine at least some of them knew there was little chance they would get back out again. But they did it anyway.

Then we heard that the Pentagon had been the target of a further attack and yet another airplane, also bound we were told for the Washington DC area, had gone down somewhere en route.

In all 2,977 people were murdered as a result of the terrorist attacks that morning.

We know who was responsible for the attacks. We know that many of their terrorist comrades, including the figurehead Bin Laden, have since been killed. And we know the terrible cost in terms of lost lives and serious injuries to the various armed forces who were sent to do that job.

September 11 is now officially ‘Patriot Day’, a day of remembrance. And we should all take at least a moment in honor of the victims.

Sadly the aftermath of these terrorist attacks eleven years ago brought only knee-jerk reactions from jerk politicians. They had the audacity to call it the Patriot Act, but it attacks the freedom of innocent law-abiding citizens just as much as it does the terrorists and criminals.

Contaminated by the hellish liberal inspired ‘guilt’ that now pervades all government decisions and means that it is no longer perceived as acceptable if we take our own side in a fight, a raft of idiotic, unnecessary and unfair legislation has, and is, being enacted.

This is being done in the name of defending the homeland, but unwilling to only target the national, ethnic or religious groups who are responsible for the vast majority of the terror, poor old law-abiding Joe Public gets targeted as well.

Everyone is now guilty until they can prove their innocence. Get on an airplane at an airport and you are treated as a potential terrorist and irradiated and probed and so forth. Open a bank account and you are treated as a potential terrorist trying to launder money – despite the fact that it was the banks themselves who were doing that job.

It’s not that any of this is a great hardship. It’s just that it is completely unnecessary and unproductive. It is the typical politician’s and bureaucrat’s way of trying to con the populace by substituting activity for real progress.

A lot of potential terrorist attacks in America and elsewhere have been thwarted during the past eleven years, but not one of them as a result of all the overt claptrap at airports and so forth.

Will it change? Will sanity and intelligence take over?

Not a chance.

Will it get worse? Will the bureaucrats’ hunger for control and interference increase?

Of course it will, regardless of whether the regime is Republicrat or Democrican.

So who really did win?

The terrorists may well have lost, but the people certainly didn’t win! 

Tarzan Takes A Vacation

“Fight Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I used to be friends with a guy from Northern Ireland. We are going back thirty years here so quite a while ago. We’ve lost touch since as you tend to do with some if not most acquaintances.

This story is about his Dad.

As you may or may not know the weather in Ireland is awful. Cold, wet, windy, rains every day with a ‘y’ in it, or so the locals say. One traveler from Africa once remarked that it was like living under an elephant!

The result has been a continual decline in vacation resorts, towns and villages there. People still come for the golf, there is renewed interest in that with the recent success of Rory McIlroy and Darren Clark. But on the whole the locals prefer to get away for one or two weeks to a location with at least the chance of a bit of heat and sunshine.

But in the late 1970s and early 1980s, the period in which this story is set, foreign travel was a fairly new phenomenon for most ordinary people.

But my friend’s father and mother thought it would be a nice and different break for them and they booked two weeks in the south of Spain.

They arrived without incident, booked in to their hotel and that first night just had a meal in the hotel restaurant and went to bed. Traveling is always tiring.

The next day they partook of the buffet breakfast that most of the touristy hotels in Spain provide and after that went back to their room, got their towels and creams and so forth, and headed for the beach, which was only about 100 yards or so from the hotel.

My friend’s mother lay down on a towel to take some rays, as they say, and his father who wasn’t really the type of guy who liked to lay about all day, got a beach chair from which he had a better vantage point to survey the beach and sea activities.

We’ll never know whether it was the heat, or just the sight of bare heaving glistening continental bosoms, (they are not a bit bashful in some parts of Europe), but after about half an hour on the beach it all became too much for my friend’s Dad. All of sudden, without any warning whatsoever, he jumped out of his beach chair, started to yell like Tarzan, beating his chest at the same time, and ran towards the Mediterranean Sea.

There was a slight slope in the beach and by the time he had reached the water he had built up a considerable head of steam. His momentum took him quite a bit into the water, not quite waist deep but getting there.

Now, I should say that the Med is no Pacific Ocean, but there are nevertheless waves and as everyone knows the seventh is usually bigger than those preceding it.

And just when my friend’s father reached about as deep as he could on his feet he decided to dive through the next wave, which was a relatively big one. According to his wife, who was looking as this spectacle with more than a little bemusement, he was still doing his version of a Tarzan yell and beating his chest. And so into the sea he dived still yelling and open mouthed.

I forgot to tell you he wore dentures, which is rather crucial to the rest of the story.

Yes, when the wave passed and he resurfaced not a tooth of any kind had he in his mouth.

Of course he frantically searched for both sets of gnashers.

I love watching when people who don’t know how to dive underwater try it. Their ass goes way up in the air, their head maybe six inches or a foot under, and then after maybe two or three seconds they re-emerge gasping and spluttering as if they’ve just been down to the bottom of sea. I imagine that’s what he did.

But you know what the sea is like. Both sets of false teeth were long gone, never to be found again.

I have heard tell of people packing extra underwear, or shoes (hey ladies), or even glasses as emergency back-ups. But I have never heard of anyone packing an extra set of teeth.

My friend’s father wasn’t to be the first one to do it and so he had to spend the next twelve and a half days of his vacation completely toothless, only able to eat soft mushy stuff and soup, but having to avoid the juicy steaks completely.

And he looked like a prat, maybe not quite as bad as the photo below but you get the idea.

toothless
toothless

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