Fasab’s Fascinating Festive Facts

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hi, and welcome to fasab’s fascinating festive facts.

Everything on my blog this week is in Christmas mode including these tidbits of information that you may be able to work into the conversation if you are at a party or two this week.

Enjoy and have a very Merry Christmas.

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festive facts

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The traditional three colors of Christmas

are green, red, and gold.

Green has long been a symbol of life and rebirth;

red symbolizes the blood of Christ,

and gold represents light as well as wealth and royalty.

traditional three colors of Christmas

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The first printed reference to a

Christmas tree was in 1531 in Germany.

Christmas_Tree

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Apparently seven out of ten British dogs

get Christmas gifts from their doting owners.

dogs get Christmas gifts

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A lot of people don’t like it,

but the abbreviation of ‘Xmas’ for

Christmas is not irreligious.

The first letter of the word Christ in Greek is chi,

which is identical to our X.

Xmas was originally an ecclesiastical abbreviation

that was used in tables and charts.

Xmas for Christmas

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Electric Christmas lights

were first used in 1854.

edison-ad-christmas-lights1

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Some people who were born on December 25

feel hard done by because they have to

make do with one present instead of two

and share their big day celebrations with everybody else.

Robert Louis Stevenson, author of Treasure Island,

recognized the problem. When he died on December 4, 1894,

he willed his November 13 birthday to a friend

who disliked her own Christmas birthday

Robert Louis Stevenson Treasure Island

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Franklin Pierce was the first president to

decorate an official White House Christmas tree.

white-house-christmas-tree

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Silent Night was written in 1818,

by Austrian priest Joseph Mohr.

He was told the day before Christmas

that the church organ was broken

and would not be repaired in time for Christmas Eve.

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Artificial Christmas trees

have outsold real ones since 1991.

Artificial Christmas tree

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In the British armed forces it is traditional

that officers wait on the other ranks

and serve them their Christmas dinner.

This dates back to a custom from the Middle Ages.

British armed forces Christmas dinner

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Long before mistletoe became a saucy ‘kiss encourager’,

it was considered to have magic powers.

It was said to have the ability to heal

wounds and increase fertility.

Celts hung mistletoe in their homes

in order to bring themselves good luck

and ward off evil spirits.

mistletoe

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Each year there are approximately 20,000

“rent-a-Santas” across the United States.

“Rent-a-Santas” usually undergo seasonal training

on how to maintain a jolly attitude

under pressure from the public.

They also receive practical advice,

such as not accepting money from parents

while children are looking and

avoiding garlic, onions, or beans for lunch.

rent-a-Santa

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In Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea,

your age is measured not in years

but in how many Christmases you’ve lived through;

you’re not 20, you’re twenti krismas.

Rather less charmingly,

the Japanese expression to describe

single women over 25 years old is

kurisumasu keiki – left-over Christmas cake.

Port_Moresby__Papua_New_Guinea

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Most of Santa’s reindeer have male-sounding names,

such as Blitzen, Comet, and Cupid.

However, male reindeers shed their antlers around Christmas,

so the reindeer pulling Santa’s sleigh

are likely not male, but female –  or castrati.  

(I wonder if that is the origin of hanging balls

on a Christmas tree comes from?)

Santa’s reindeer

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The popular Christmas song “Jingle Bells”

was actually written for Thanksgiving.

The song was composed in 1857 by James Pierpont,

and was originally called “One Horse Open Sleigh”.

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I’m Starting A One-Man Band – Email Me If You’re Interested.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to the last Pun Day….

Of this July that is, I hope you didn’t get your hopes up too high.

Anyway here are the latest offerings.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

 

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This nice weather doesn’t fool me one bit.

It’s just a front.

warm front

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What do you call a couple

who go fishing together?

Rod and Annette.

Rod and Annette

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I hate jokes about Vietnam.

They really Hanoi me.

Hanoi map

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My new book about Poltergeists

is flying off the shelves.

Poltergeists

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I was touched by my Granddad

when I was a little boy.

His tear jerking tales of world war two

were simply heartbreaking.

Granddad

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I was telling the police officer

how local youths had thrown

a milk bottle at me and just missed.

He asked, “Skimmed past your face?”

I replied, “No, full fat over my shoulder.” 

milk

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‘My post box’

has got nine letters in it.

australia post box

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I told my fiancee and friends that I wanted

to racially segregate our wedding.

They didn’t really warm to it.

I was met with a mixed reception.

wedding reception

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Age isn’t

“just a number”

– it’s quite clearly a word

age

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People who confuse

the metaphorical and the factual

make my head literally explode.

head literally explode

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My girlfriend was disappointed when

I bought her New York flights for her birthday.

But not as disappointed as I was when

I found out she didn’t even play darts.

darts New York flights

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I’ve just stolen loads of swimming inflatables.

I’d better lilo.   

lilo

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I went to see my new doctor this morning about my piles.

He told me to drop my trousers and pants and bend over.

As I pulled my cheeks apart, he said,

“I’m going to need your whole name.”

I said, “I just call it my asshole.”

man with trousera down

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Gordon Ramsay reminds me of a newspaper.

Only with more headlines.

Gordon Ramsay headlines

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Time traveller’s convention next June.

I’m there.

Time traveller's convention

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A Different Sort Of Quiz Today

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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To give you a bit of a break from the normal quiz day – yes, I’m still watching the World Cup football and the final was yesterday. Well done Germany, commiserations Argentina. 

So instead here is one taken by other people.

Twenty questions from a SAT Science Exam and, as well as being amusing, it is also a good commentary on  the state of the education system these days.

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Quiz 03

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Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

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Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

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Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

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Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

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Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?

A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

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Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

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Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

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Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.

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Q: What is artificial insemination?

A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

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Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?

A: Keep it in the cow.

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Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g., abdomen.)

A: The body is consisted into three parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.

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Q: What is the Fibula?

A: A small lie.

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Q: What does “varicose” mean?

A: Nearby.

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Q: What is the most common form of birth control?

A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

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Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”

A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

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Q: What is a seizure?

A: A Roman emperor.

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Q: What is a terminal illness?

A: When you are sick at the airport

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Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?

A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

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Q: What does the word “benign” mean?

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

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Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

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Witty One-liner Wednesday – Some Sayings Of The Late George Carlin, part 3

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Today I have great pleasure in presenting the third, but unfortunately, final part of this short series of Witty One-liners from the late and great George Carlin.

Where have all the clever comedians gone, I wonder?

Enjoy.

 

 

Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.

 

Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

 

I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.

 

If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.

 

“Meow” means “woof” in cat.

 

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.

 

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

 

“No comment” is a comment.

 

If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

 

So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.

 

When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn’t a lot worth paying attention to.

 

I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.

 

If the cops didn’t see it, I didn’t do it!

 

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.

 

I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.

 

It isn’t fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory.

 

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

 

“I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?

 

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer’s disease where they slowly began to recover other people’s lost memories.

 

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