Whoever Invented The Selfie Needs To Take A Good Look At Themselves.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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And since it’s pun day again you need to take a good look at this latest batch.

Enjoy or endure!!!

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rofl

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What do you call

a German on speaker phone?

Hans Free

cartoon hands free

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‘Sugar’

is the only word in the English language

in which the S, is pronounced ‘sh’.

I’m sure of that.

sh

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My brother has had to

close down his archery business.

In the first 12 months 

he didn’t hit any of his targets .

archery-target

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Ten years in the same job and

not once have I been in the boss’s office.

That’s what got me fired as a cleaner.

cleaner

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Just been mugged and beaten up.

I tried to defend myself with a drawing pin.

Turns out a tac isn’t the best form of defense after all.

tac

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Before we split up, my wife

was obsessed with horoscopes.

I’m sure that’s what Taurus apart.

taurus

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I was on the freeway when a guy driving in the other direction

started flashing his lights, beeping his horn and screaming,

“You’re going the wrong way!”

What an idiot.

He didn’t even know where I was going.

A-Motorist-Driving-the-Wrong-Way

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What has a pee at

the end of a tram?

A tramp.

cartoon tramp

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Breaking News:

Man arrested over missing woman

Imagine if he’d hit her???

breaking news

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Adoption jokes –

There’s never a good time to tell them.

adopted

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I don’t approve of my girlfriend’s one night stand.

Why should she be the only one with

somewhere to put a bedside lamp.

night stand lamp

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I threw three DVDs at exactly the same time

to see which one would hit the wall first.

It was a discrace.

DVDs

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My wife called me into the bathroom

and asked me to wash her back.

I don’t remember her

washing me in the first place.

washing back

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Erectile dysfunction;

just when you thought

it couldn’t get any harder.

checking_for_signs_of_life

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My wife, Lorraine, has just found out that 

I have been cheating on her with Clara next door.

Last night, she packed her things and left.

I can see Clara now, Lorraine has gone.

Take it away Johnny….

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Treadmills Get You Nowhere

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Pun day!

Steel yourselves for some more rather bad jokes.

There must be a few out there with masochistic tendencies because you seem to enjoy puns or word play jokes.

Me too.

So let’s get on with today’s selection.

Enjoy!

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I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Broken Handle

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.

Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again

that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

Two Eskimos in a Kayak Clipart

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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

Urban-Camouflage

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.

The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

two antennas

Banning the bra was a big flop.

 boobes cartoon

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Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

peeping tome

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Khakis: What you need to start the car in Boston.

boston-alphabet

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A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only shorts made from Bubble wrap.

The psychiatrist says, “Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”

Bubble-Wrap

Two wrongs don’t make a right.

But three rights make a left.

3 rights make a left

Thieves broke into the carpet store last night.

Police think it might be rug related.

rug

Corduroy pillows. They’re making headlines.

corduroy-pillows

Why was the dog standing still?

Because it was on paws.

 happy_cartoon_dog

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A woman has identical twins and gives them up for adoption.

One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.”

The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.”

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, “They’re twins for goodness sake! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

Juan and Ahmal

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