It’s Another Funny Factoid Friday, Here Are Eighteen Universal Truths

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

It’s another Friday and time for a few more of what I call factoids, although this list is entitled Universal Truths.

That does not mean that every one of them applies to everyone, but from personal experience I can vouch for the accuracy of quite a lot of them.

Enjoy!

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a bar is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronized with a complete stranger.

4) You’ve never quite sure whether it’s ok to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80’s has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.

6) Reading when you’re drunk is horrible.

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

8) You’re never quite sure whether it’s against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
=============================

Two Dozen Signs That You’ve Grown Up For Good

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 .

Growing up can be both good and bad.

There is a lot to be said for the innocence of our younger days when school was the worst of our worries and all the other stuff was taken care of by someone else.

We lived in apartments or houses that were just there. We weren’t concerned how it was that we lived there, or that we had shelter, or a bed to sleep in.

We turned up at the breakfast or dinner table and ate the food that arrived. Never a thought was given as to where it came from or who paid for it.

Even in our teenage years most of us still live a relatively carefree life, only traumatized by trivialities like spotty faces or having to wear glasses.

And then one day it all changed. We were grown up. We had responsibilities of our own. And we had different attitudes to the things around us and a much deeper appreciation of how they got there.

That’s not to say that we lost ALL our childish ways. The lucky ones retained their sense of fun. 

But in case you are wondering if you are now grown up for good here are two dozen signs to help you decide.

Enjoy.

 

 

1. Your house plants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.

 
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

 
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

 
4. 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

 
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

 
6. You watch the Weather Channel.

 

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up.”

 

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

 

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”

 

10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@#*** kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.

 

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

 

12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

 

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

 

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers.

 

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

 

16. You take naps.

 

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

 

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

 

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

 

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit.”

 

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

 

22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”

 

23. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

 

24. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh shit, what the hell happened?”