More Scaredy Cats, Phobias Part Four

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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We are going for ‘H’ to ‘K’ today in part four of this incredible list of irrational fears called phobias. As usual I have omitted the more mundane and well known ailments such as ‘Hypocondria’. A lot of the rest should shock, amuse or otherwise entertain.

My own favorite, by a long way (little pun there to get you in the mood for tomorrow’s post), is ‘Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia’ the very look and mention of which must send waves of terror into those afflicted by it.

Read on and discover why.

Enjoy.

scaredy cat  

Hadephobia ………. fear of hell.

 

Hagiophobia ………. fear of saints or holy things.

 

Hamartophobia ………. fear of sinning.

 

Haphephobia or Haptephobia ………. fear of being touched.

 

Harpaxophobia ………. fear of being robbed.

 

Hedonophobia ………. fear of feeling pleasure.

 

Heliophobia ………. fear of the sun.

 

Hellenologophobia ………. fear of Greek terms or complex scientific terminology.

 

Helminthophobia ………. fear of being infested with worms.

 

Hemophobia or Hemaphobia or Hematophobia ………. fear of blood.

 

Heresyphobia or Hereiophobia ………. fear of challenges to official doctrine or of radical deviation.

 

Herpetophobia ………. fear of reptiles or creepy, crawly things.

 

Heterophobia ………. fear of the opposite sex. (Sexophobia)

 

Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia ………. fear of the number 666.

 

Hierophobia ………. fear of priests or sacred things.

 

Hippophobia ………. fear of horses.

 

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia ………. fear of long words.

 

Hobophobia ………. fear of bums or beggars.

 

Hodophobia ………. fear of road travel.

 

Hormephobia ………. fear of shock.

 

Homichlophobia ………. fear of fog.

 

Homilophobia ………. fear of sermons.

 

Hominophobia ………. fear of men.

 

Homophobia ………. fear of sameness, monotony or of homosexuality or of becoming homosexual.

 

Hoplophobia ………. fear of firearms.

 

Hydrargyophobia ………. fear of mercurial medicines.

 

Hydrophobia ………. fear of water or of rabies.

 

Hydrophobophobia ………. fear of rabies.

 

Hyelophobia or Hyalophobia ………. fear of glass.

 

Hygrophobia ………. fear of liquids, dampness, or moisture.

 

Hylephobia ………. fear of materialism or the fear of epilepsy.

 

Hylophobia ………. fear of forests.

 

Hypengyophobia or Hypegiaphobia ………. fear of responsibility.

 

Hypnophobia ………. fear of sleep or of being hypnotized.

 

Hypsiphobia ………. fear of height.

 

Iatrophobia ………. fear of going to the doctor or of doctors.

 

Ichthyophobia ………. fear of fish.

 

Ideophobia ………. fear of ideas.

 

Idiophobia ………. fear of idiots.

 

Illyngophobia ………. fear of vertigo or feeling dizzy when looking down.

 

Iophobia ………. fear of poison.

 

Insectophobia ………. fear of insects.

 

Isolophobia ………. fear of solitude, being alone.

 

Isopterophobia ………. fear of termites, insects that eat wood.

 

Ithyphallophobia ………. fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis.

 

Japanophobia ………. fear of Japanese.

 

Judeophobia ………. fear of Jews.

 

Kainolophobia or Kainophobia ………. fear of anything new, novelty.

 

Kakorrhaphiophobia ………. fear of failure or defeat.

 

Katagelophobia ………. fear of ridicule.

 

Kathisophobia ………. fear of sitting down.

 

Katsaridaphobia ………. fear of cockroaches.

 

Kenophobia ………. fear of voids or empty spaces.

 

Keraunophobia or Ceraunophobia ………. fear of thunder and lightning.(Astraphobia, Astrapophobia)

 

Kinetophobia or Kinesophobia ………. fear of movement or motion.

 

Klaoanemophobia ………. fear of breaking wind (which quite a number of people have in social settings). [Perhaps Phartophobia might have been a better name for this one?] 

 

Kleptophobia ………. fear of stealing.

 

Koinoniphobia ………. fear of rooms.

 

Kolpophobia ………. fear of genitals, particularly female.

 

Kopophobia ………. fear of fatigue.

 

Koniophobia ………. fear of dust. (Amathophobia)

 

Kosmikophobia ………. fear of cosmic phenomenon.

 

Kymophobia ………. fear of waves. (Cymophobia)

 

Kynophobia ………. fear of rabies.

 

Kyphophobia ………. fear of stooping.

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If It Exists You Can Be Sure Somebody Will Be Afraid Of It, Phobias Part Three

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another amusing yet astonishing list of the phobias that some people have to the most ordinary and mundane things. The title really is true, if it exists you can be sure somebody will be afraid of it. 

Today we have ‘D’ to ‘G’. 

Although if you have Diarrheaphobia, Dystychiphobia and Dromophobia and the nearest toilet is across the street then you may be in trouble. Read on and you’ll find out why.

Enjoy.

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scared

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Decidophobia ………. fear of making decisions.

 

Defecaloesiophobia ………. fear of painful bowels movements.

 

Deipnophobia ………. fear of dining or dinner conversations.

 

Dementophobia ………. fear of insanity.

 

Demonophobia or Daemonophobia ………. fear of demons.

 

Demophobia ………. fear of crowds. (Agoraphobia)

 

Dendrophobia ………. fear of trees.

 

Dentophobia ………. fear of dentists.

 

Dermatophobia ………. fear of skin lesions.

 

Dermatosiophobia or Dermatophobia or Dermatopathophobia ………. fear of skin disease.

 

Dextrophobia ………. fear of objects at the right side of the body.

 

Diabetophobia ………. fear of diabetes.

 

Diarrheaphobia ………. fear of getting diarrhea, usually accompanied with the fear of not being able to get to a bathroom in time, and of making a mess.

 

Didaskaleinophobia ………. fear of going to school.

 

Dikephobia ………. fear of justice.

 

Dinophobia ………. fear of dizziness or whirlpools.

 

Diplophobia ………. fear of double vision.

 

Dipsophobia ………. fear of drinking.

 

Dishabiliophobia ………. fear of undressing in front of someone.

 

Disposophobia ………. fear of throwing stuff out. Hoarding.

 

Domatophobia ………. fear of houses or being in a house.(Eicophobia, Oikophobia)

 

Doraphobia ………. fear of fur or skins of animals.

 

Doxophobia ………. fear of expressing opinions or of receiving praise.

 

Dromophobia ………. fear of crossing streets.

 

Dutchphobia ………. fear of the Dutch.

 

Dysmorphophobia ………. fear of deformity.

 

Dystychiphobia ………. fear of accidents.

 

Ecclesiophobia ………. fear of church.

 

Ecophobia ………. fear of home.

 

Eicophobia ………. fear of home surroundings.(Domatophobia, Oikophobia)

 

Eisoptrophobia ………. fear of mirrors or of seeing oneself in a mirror.

 

Electrophobia ………. fear of electricity.

 

Eleutherophobia ………. fear of freedom.

 

Elurophobia ………. fear of cats. (Ailurophobia)

 

Emetophobia ………. fear of vomiting.

 

Enetophobia ………. fear of pins.

 

Enochlophobia ………. fear of crowds.

 

Enosiophobia or Enissophobia ………. fear of having committed an unpardonable sin or of criticism.

 

Entomophobia ………. fear of insects.

 

Eosophobia ………. fear of dawn or daylight.

 

Ephebiphobia ………. fear of teenagers.

 

Epistaxiophobia ………. fear of nosebleeds.

 

Epistemophobia ………. fear of knowledge.

 

Equinophobia ………. fear of horses.

 

Eremophobia ………. fear of being oneself or of loneliness.

 

Ereuthrophobia ………. fear of blushing.

 

Ergalilektriphobia ………. fear of power tools or using power tools.

 

Ergasiophobia ………. 1) fear of work or functioning. 2) surgeon’s fear of operating.

 

Ergophobia ………. fear of work.

 

Erotophobia ………. fear of sexual love or sexual questions.

 

Euphobia ………. fear of hearing good news.

 

Eurotophobia ………. fear of female genitalia.

 

Erythrophobia or Erytophobia or Ereuthophobia ………. 1) fear of redlights. 2) blushing. 3) red.

 

Febriphobia or Fibriphobia or Fibriophobia ………. fear of fever.

 

Felinophobia ………. fear of cats. (Ailurophobia, Elurophobia, Galeophobia, Gatophobia)

 

Francophobia ………. fear of France or French culture. (Gallophobia, Galiophobia)

 

Frigophobia ………. fear of cold or cold things. (Cheimaphobia, Cheimatophobia, Psychrophobia)

 

Galeophobia ………. fear of sharks

 

Gatophobia ………. fear of cats.

 

Gallophobia or Galiophobia ………. fear France or French culture. (Francophobia)

 

Gamophobia ………. fear of marriage.

 

Geliophobia ………. fear of laughter.

 

Gelotophobia ………. fear of being laughed at.

 

Geniophobia ………. fear of chins.

 

Genophobia ………. fear of sex.

 

Genuphobia ………. fear of knees.

 

Gephyrophobia or Gephydrophobia or Gephysrophobia ………. fear of crossing bridges.

 

Germanophobia ………. fear of Germany or German culture.

 

Gerascophobia ………. fear of growing old.

 

Gerontophobia ………. fear of old people or of growing old.

 

Geumaphobia or Geumophobia ………. fear of taste.

 

Glossophobia ………. fear of speaking in public or of trying to speak.

 

Gnosiophobia ………. fear of knowledge.

 

Graphophobia ………. fear of writing or handwriting.

 

Gymnophobia ………. fear of nudity.

 

Gynephobia or Gynophobia ………. fear of women.

 

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The Terminal Man

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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In case you were wondering, this post has nothing to do with Michael Crichton’s mind control novel with the same title. Rather it is about people with no minds trying to control the rest of us.

Strange, as well as stupid, people feature on the fasab blog.

None come stranger than Mehran Karimi Nasseri, also known as Sir, Alfred Mehran (yes, including the comma).

Nasseri is an Iranian refugee who was expelled from Iran in 1977 for protests against the Shah. After a long battle, involving applications in several countries, he was awarded refugee status by the United Nations High Commission for refugees in Belgium which permitted him residence in any European country.

He claimed to have one British parent, although he produced no evidence to support this, and decided to settle in the UK in 1986.  But en route to there, in 1988, he claimed that he was mugged and his shoulder bag stolen while waiting at the RER platform to go to Charles de Gaulle Airport to take a flight to Heathrow.

When he tried to go to the United Kingdom, Nasseri managed to board the plane, but when he arrived at Heathrow, London without the necessary documentation, immigration officials sent him back to Charles de Gaulle airport.

Unable to prove his identity, or his refugee status, to the French officials, he was initially arrested and moved to the Zone d’attente (waiting zone), a holding area for travelers who do not have papers. However, due to the fact that his entry to the airport was legal he was released, but, since he had no country of origin to be returned to, he began his residence in the departure lounge of Terminal One in Charles de Gaulle Airport on August 8, 1988.

Mr. Nasseri’s predicament was made into a movie in 1993 entitled ‘Tombes du Ciel’, starring Jean Rochefort, Ticky Holgado, and Marisa Paredes. And he was reportedly the inspiration behind the 2004 movie ‘The Terminal’, starring Tom Hanks.

However, unlike Hanks’ character in the movie, and since at least 1994, Nasseri did not live in the duty-free transit area, but simply in the departure hall, in the circular boutiques and restaurants passage on the lowest floor.

Theoretically he could leave the terminal at any moment, although, since everyone knew him, his departure might not remain unnoticed. He did not seem to speak with anyone normally.

With his cart and bags, he almost looked like a traveler, so people either did not notice him or ignored him as if he were a homeless person. Airport workers were kind enough to give him food.

In 1992, his case was taken on by French human rights lawyer Christian Bourget. However, in one of those absurd rulings that idiot bureaucrats and judges can only dream up, the French courts ruled that, having entered the country legally, he could not be expelled from the airport, but neither could it grant him permission to enter France.

Attempts were then made to have new documents issued from Belgium, but the authorities there would only do so if Nasseri presented himself in person. However, under Belgian law a refugee who voluntarily leaves a country that has accepted him cannot return.

In 1995, the Belgian authorities granted permission for him to return, but only if he agreed to live there under supervision of a social worker. Nasseri refused this on the grounds of wanting to enter the UK as originally intended.

In July 2006, eighteen years later (yes, that’s 18 years!) Nasseri’s stay at the Charles de Gaulle Airport ended when he was hospitalized and his sitting place dismantled.

Towards the end of January 2007, he left the hospital and was looked after by the airport’s branch of the French Red Cross. He was lodged for a few weeks in a hotel close to the airport.

On March 6, 2007, he transferred to an Emmaus charity reception centre in Paris’s twentieth arrondissement. As far as I know he may still be there.

And you thought US immigration took a long time!

The Terminal Man - Mehran Karimi Nasseri
The Terminal Man – Mehran Karimi Nasseri

 

Witty One-liner Wednesday – Some More Sayings Of The Late George Carlin

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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This Wednesday I am pleased to present part two of my trio of tributes to the late George Carlin and his great gift for seeing the world from the humorous side.

It turns out from the reaction to last week’s post that George still has a lot of fans out there which is great news.

Enjoy this latest selection.

 

 

If it requires a uniform, it’s a worthless endeavor.

 

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.

 

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.

 

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.

 

I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.

 

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

 

If you’ve got a cat and a leg, you’ve got a happy cat. If you’ve got a cat and two legs, you’ve got a party.

 

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

 

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

 

Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”

 

I’ve never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.

 

One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired.

 

If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense?

 

In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.

 

“One thing leads to another”? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.

 

Property is theft. Nobody “owns” anything. When you die, it all stays here.

 

The future will soon be a thing of the past.

 

Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes.

 

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

 

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Inflate Your Tires By All Means, But Then Hide Your Bicycle Pump Where It Cannot Tempt You!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yesterday’s post was about how a few idiots had met their demise, or failed to, when they attempted to kill themselves. Today the theme is continued with another curious case, but one of the accidental variety.

I must say this was a new one to me. Just when you think you’ve heard of everything something new and unexpected turns up. This time it turned up in Thailand.

Danger: Compressed Air
Danger: Compressed Air

“The government must crack down on this disgusting craze of ‘Pumping'”, a spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital told reporters. “If this perversion catches on, it will destroy the cream of Thailand’s manhood.”

He was speaking after the remains of 13 year-old Charnchai Puanmuangpak had been rushed into the hospital’s emergency room.

“Most ‘Pumpers’ use a standard bicycle pump,” he explained, “inserting the nozzle far up their rectum, giving themselves a rush of air, creating a momentary high. This act is a sin against God.”

It appears that the young Charnchai took it further still.

He started using a two-cylinder foot pump, but even that wasn’t exciting enough for him, so he boasted to friends that he was going to try the compressed air hose at a nearby gasoline station.

They dared him to do it, so, under cover of darkness, he snuck in.

Not realizing how powerful the machine was, he inserted the tube deep into his rectum, and placed a coin in the slot (of the machine, I think).

As a result, he died virtually instantly, leaving passers-by still in shock.

One woman thought she was watching a twilight fireworks display, and started clapping.

“We still haven’t located all of him”, say the police authorities. “When that quantity of air interacted with the gas in his system, he nearly exploded. It was like an atom bomb went off or something.”

“Pumping is the devil’s pastime, and we must all say no to Satan,” Ratchasima concluded. “Inflate your tires by all means, but then hide your bicycle pump where it cannot tempt you.”

 

Sometimes Being Frank Can Lead To Trouble

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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On 1st April 2001, in New York, a literary agent, named Frank, found himself dazed and patting out flames shortly after arriving at a two-alarm house fire equipped with a sandwich, a bullhorn, whiskey and a lawnchair.

megaphone

The trouble started when Frank climbed on to the roof of a nearby house, perched on his lawnchair, and proceeded to lecture the startled emergency crew while enjoying his drink.

Three firemen had just finished clearing the house, locating the residents’ young golden retriever in the process, when they heard Frank’s imperious command.

“Drop the dog and open the hydrant this instant!”

They turned in surprise and in fact did drop the unfortunate yelping puppy, which fell through the burning timbers and burst into flames.

Outraged onlookers then mobbed the base of heckler Frank’s house and threw cans and shrubbery at the obstreperous critic, who batted the projectiles aside with his bullhorn while continuing to drink whiskey and issue commands, including…

“The north side is engaged!”

“Position the hose along the azalea bushes!”

“Stop picking your nose!”

Sorely provoked, the senior fireman, currently on administrative leave, picked up the dead (but still burning) dog and flung it onto the roof where Frank was barking out his commands.

firefighter

The flaming animal landed in Frank’s lap, igniting his spilled whiskey and severely burning his man-part area.

Frank heaved the dog off himself, but neglected to brace his feet on the slanted roof. He and the lawnchair toppled and fell from the house, miraculously avoiding onlookers, who watched aghast while the prostrate man suffered further injuries from falling embers and his own roof-top accoutrements.

man falling

The house fire was eventually subdued, and paramedics transported the injured man and his loudspeaker to the hospital. Although he is recovering from his injuries, the prognosis is that he will never again be able to procreate with quite the same gusto, which is probably a blessing for the rest of humanity.

Neighbors have set up a Memorial Fund for the golden retriever. Apparently photographs of the man-shaped depression in the lawn are available upon request.

Sometimes being frank can lead to trouble!

 

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America, My Friends, Is Fast Becoming The Land Of The Stepford Grin

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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People nowadays have an obsession with teeth, particularly so in America where the whole thing has gotten completely ridiculous. The only people benefiting are the dentists, or orthodontists as the braces branch like to call themselves, who are making an absolute fortune on the vanity of others.

There’s the usual drilling and filling too, but the main work nowadays is straightening and whitening and so forth. Nearly every unfortunate kid has to undergo months of a hideous looking steel grid in their gobs otherwise they think that they will stand out from their friends, and of course individuality is out of the question, conformity is king!

Poor kid with steel grid in gob
Poor kid with steel grid in gob

 

Their beleaguered parents, who seem to have lost the ability to say “no” to their children, go along with it and hand over their wallets like it’s the normal thing to do.

America, my friends, is fast becoming the land of the Stepford grin and nobody seems to find it at all the least bit odd. And just like baseball caps, the fashion is spreading throughout the world.

The Stepford Grin
The Stepford Grin

 

But it wasn’t always this way. A few decades ago dentistry was, let’s say, a lot more primitive. There was still the drilling and filling bit and in a pre-fluoride environment there were more cavities than there were people. There were also a lot of teeth that, whilst they could be easily saved and repaired today, in those days had to be extracted. Therefore many people ended up requiring dentures.

 

dentures
dentures

 

John was a case in point. He got to the stage where all his teeth were gone and his dentist was taking moulds and measuring him up for a new set of dentures.

After spending some time toothless, which made eating some of his favorite foods difficult and frustrating, John was anxious to get his new teeth. The day arrived and off he went to the dentist who fitted them and adjusted them.

All seemed to go well. They felt like a bit of a mouthful but John put that down to the fact that they were new and probably needed a few hours to bed down properly in his mouth. He was happy enough.

Until he got home that is.

His daughter met him at the door and immediately let out a loud shriek and fell on to the floor laughing uncontrollably.

Then his wife walked in.

“Oh my good God, John” she exclaimed, “Whatever have they done to you?” And with that she too started to laugh.

John protested vigorously. He tried to ask them what was wrong, why was everyone laughing. But he hadn’t gotten used to the teeth in his mouth and he sounded as if he had a mouthful of pebbles. Naturally this made the others laugh all the harder.

He went into an adjoining room where there was a mirror.

“Fos hate, way awen’t wat bad,” he protested from the other room.

But the more he talked with his mouthful of teeth the more they laughed and the more they laughed the more irritated he became.  After a while they got themselves calmed down and decided they would review the situation in the morning.

The next morning John’s wife was first up as usual. She went downstairs to prepare breakfast for the family while he washed, shaved and got dressed. When the breakfast was ready she shouted on the others and they all assembled at the kitchen table.

For a few minutes all went peacefully, everybody keeping their heads down and studying their eggs and bacon intently. But curiosity eventually got the better of them. First John’s daughter looked up. She couldn’t control herself and immediately returned her concentration to the scrambled egg on her plate, but shaking noticeably with more laughter.

Then John’s wife looked across the table at him. Again she burst out into fits of laughter.

“It was like sitting there looking at a horse smiling at you across the breakfast table,” she would tell me later when recounting the story.

John's Horsey Smile
John’s Horsey Smile

 

This time it was all too much for John. He angrily stomped off to the garage and set to work on his new teeth with an electric grinding stone.

But it was a lost cause. All he did was grind away a good part of the teeth, which obviously did make them smaller, but now he was left with more gum than teeth. If anything, this looked even funnier than the original, as his wife and daughter confirmed by again falling about the place in more fits of laughter.

After that those teeth, or what was left of them, were never seen again.

The next time John would go to another dentist, one who made teeth for people and not horses.