Nails Are One Thing You Don’t Want To Screw With.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Neither is Pun Day.

Another selection of wonderful word play for you to….

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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Sometimes pregnancy lasts so long

it seems like a maternity.

 pregnancy

.

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How many nihilists does it take

to sharpen a pencil?

One, but there’s still no point.

 nihilists

.

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I dropped my barometer earlier.

Just couldn’t handle the pressure.

 barometer

.

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What do you call a man

with three balls?

…a juggler.

 juggler

.

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Uncle Ben found dead.

No more Mr Rice guy.

 Uncle Ben

.

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I just invented a joke about helium.

Unfortunately it doesn’t go down well.

 helium

.

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You know that you’re getting old

when your narrow waist swaps

places with your broad mind.

 getting old

.

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Apparently a truck carrying boxes of wigs has overturned,

spilling its load across the freeway.

Police are combing the area.

 boxes of wigs

.

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I saw a woman crying as she

was buying tampons earlier.

Must be going through a

tough period in her life.

 woman crying

.

.

This man was about to throw dough,

cheese and tomatoes at me.

I said, “You wanna pizza me?”

 pizza

.

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Looking after my kid is

proving to be expensive.

I’ve just had to buy a baby monitor,

for crying out loud.

 baby monitor

.

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The hospital told me there is a problem

with my son’s blood and he should have

a plasma screen as soon as possible.

They were going to charge me $10,000,

but I managed to buy him a 50″ HDTV

in WalMart for less than a grand.

 50 inch HDTV

.

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Now I hear that the NSA are employing

dwarfs to break into people’s homes

and install listening devices.

The little buggers.

 little buggers

.

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What happens if you swallow uranium?

You get atomic ache.

 uranium alert

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What do you call a Scottish lady who comes round

and decorates your bathroom?

Bonnie Tiler.

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