Why Do I Like Masochism? Beats Me!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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And for those masochists among you here is another selection of word plays, or puns.

You know what’s coming.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

As an avid gardener,

I got so excited by summer coming,

I wet my plants.

wet my plants

.

.

The jar I put money into every

time I use profanities

has really helped me cut back.

I swear by it.

swear jar

.

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I was just told by someone

to stop being so unsavory.

I thought that’s sweet.

sweet

.

.

Apparently it’s really easy to cook Monkfish,

Just stick it on the Friar….

Monkfish

.

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What do you call a girl

who keeps disappearing?

Heidi.

girl_hiding_behind_door

.

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I’ve just paid $10 for a 19th century painting

of a cow from the local charity shop.

I think it might be Art Mooveau.

painting of a cow

.

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What do you call

a Muslim doctor?

Amed.

Muslim doctor

.

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My dentist has accused me

of non-cooperation during appointments.

I’m keeping my mouth shut.

A man scared of dentists has taped his mouth shut.

.

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Having considered buying a couple of

calves at a livestock auction for $200,

I ended up purchasing two lambs for $100

which were sheep at half the price

sheep at half the price

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I thought it was weird when my friend

told me he’d fallen in love with a puppet.

Now he’s planning on marionette.

marionette

.

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I only enjoy carbonated drinks..

Soda speak.

carbonated drinks

.

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My wife said if I took one more

picture of her she’d leave me.

That’s when I snapped.

and_thats_when_i_snapped

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What’s better than

a cake on the table?

A tart on the floor.

cake on the table

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Our identical twins are impossible to tell apart.

They even wear the same aftershave.

Well, it’s not so much aftershave,

it’s more like Eau de Clone.

Eau de Clone

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My friend got me a poster of my

favourite 70’s Glam Rock band.

Sweet!

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